I am lost

[Samerron]

Drifting into Space, I think I am lost
No place to go, infinity is all I see
I have no more, where do I belong
They say I exist because I think
I think I’m lost, lost from inside
Take me with you, a place I haven’t been
Show me wonders, show me truth
Not alone but together
No place to return
I am lost...


(Inspired by Relativity )

[sirmyk]

Originally Posted by Samerron

Drifting into Space, I think I am lost
No place to go, infinity is all I see

I only have questions for the first two lines.

1. Why is "space" capitalized?

2. What does infinity look like?

[Samerron]

Originally Posted by sirmyk

I only have questions for the first two lines.

1. Why is "space" capitalized?

2. What does infinity look like?

1. I always capitalize S when I write space, a common mistake...

2. When you look far away at empty space (e.g. in a desert or in the sea) you don't find an end, the furthest thing you see is what your eyes are capable of. In space, this is the situation in all three dimensions, and that’s what I mean by infinity.

Thanks for the questions
Overall, what do you think? I'd like to hear your opinion.

[Vespertilio91]

Good. Very good. I like the comparison of being lost to floating in space. Not extremely creative for it's been used before, but used creatively in its concept.

The whole where am I thing gets to be a little too overwhelming. I think that you should add more to this. I crave more.

I also think that the 'you' and 'they' need to be more decisive. In this, they are just they. What they are, we have no clue. Nor can I implicate anything from what is there. Who are these pronouns? Do they have identities?

p.s. I am so glad that more and more people are putting poetry on here. When I started, there were probably around 10 threads on it. Now they're everywhere. *starts cheering*

[sirmyk]

Originally Posted by Vespertilio91

I am so glad that more and more people are putting poetry on here. When I started, there were probably around 10 threads on it. Now they're everywhere. *starts cheering*

Me too. I posted a few poems a while ago, and they've kinda traveled south... with only a few responses. Hopefully more members will contribute and/or post comments in the "Writers Showcase" area in general.

[sirmyk]

Originally Posted by Samerron

Overall, what do you think? I'd like to hear your opinion.

I can see how relativity inspired this poem, which I think is great. It's kind of strange though, reading this poem again after all that's going on in Lebanon now. It takes new shape.

[Vespertilio91]

Completely true.

[Poppy1]

Originally Posted by sirmyk

I can see how relativity inspired this poem, which I think is great. It's kind of strange though, reading this poem again after all that's going on in Lebanon now. It takes new shape.

This poem takes on a whole new meaning now and is very poignant and sad.

[Samerron]

Thank you guys for your replies and your critique. This is actually my first time I try to write a poem and I’m pleased of my decent work . I think it all depends on the mood you’re in and how much you try to be creative in your writing.

Vespertilio91, your comments were really useful and for sure I’ll be working more on it.

[Vespertilio91]

Originally Posted by Samerron

Vespertilio91, your comments were really useful and for sure I’ll be working more on it.

Go for it!