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Four-Word-Story

Four Word Story Summary (to end of page 20)

A flatulent mongoose ate the old lady's hat which was covered in purple and blue sequins. Therefore the mongoose almost choked to death but reached for the glass of purple milk standing on the corner of eleventh and broadway, so he gulped it down. Alas, this caused him to morph into a Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger™ (Not the pink one) and so he was compelled to find a yellow polka dot bikini which he found at an elegant lady's boutique. Then out of nowhere an exuberantly obese chicken ran across the road to combat evil Sat-hen! The chicken changed clothes in a phone booth into a yellow spandex which was slighly too tight for the breasts so he left them with KFC for kicks. The Sat-hen poisoned the exuberantly obese chicken, so the chicken had to cough up his stomach and ask the mongoose what time it is. "Get a watch, bastard!" replied the irritated mongoose who was busy doing the macarena dance, then toppling over because of those pesky slippy bananas! Then the Sat-hen said "There can be only little hope for you to ever find the best curry in town made of finest rat poison and water melon." Meanwhile, elsewhere on the Planet of zombie badgers a zombie-badger-killer named Ozo readied his spacecraft for a little disco action on Earth. He took only the bare necessities which were Hobnobs and some bottles of tequila along with some huge lazer blasters equipped with a built-in supermarket, where the whores are profuse and mightily ugly, but it is two-for-one day so he decided to spend his pay cheque on cheap beer. After cleaning his smegma, in the cubicle next to the yellow bearded dwarf, Bloom reading the paper. There was one article that caught his attention, which concerned the decline chicken population in planet Houston, resulting in tremendous loss of chicken wings. This worried him since he loved buffalo wings which tasted more like apples soaked in tabasco with just a hint of the secret recipy coveted by the evil Dr. Braun, super-genius physicist and amateur colon therapist who also happened to be an atrocious guitar player. This guy sought after Anna Nicole Smith and taped the whole encounter with his long-lost brother the coward lion, who played with his tail and the capon's essence. The coward lion warned everybody for the flatulence which inflamed nasal membranes and killed cute kittens. He offered to join fellow flatulators in exploring the Sat-hen's earth headquarters but alas, they declined. Meanwhile, ozzo set course to the nearest galaxy to find the lost prince and princess of an ancient Transylvanian bloodline to suck the poisoned Blow Pop, and masticate thinking: "tastes like chicken!" Ozo's scheme was foiled, due to the lack of whipped cream. Therefore he decided to borrow a can of Easy Cheese. Now he could follow the giant locust to planet earth, where he very carefully examined his stock portfolio, and decided it wasn't worth it. So he set fire to his very favorite plastic package of frozen mango yogurth, which was unfortunately past it's best date, but it didn't stink like rancid badgers so he ate it tasting foul rancid badgers, a delicacy in certain parts of eastern Idaho, but nowhere else. Meanwhile back on his home-world, Billzorgo, the incredible man-ape had an astonishing epiphany! He thought, "If I kill every man-ape in the galaxy I'll be lucky with the lady's." Alas, he was disappointed until he learn ozzo's great secret, which was man-ape ancestry, due to men raping apes in the backs of Volvos. Now ozzo was the owner of a Volvo, backseat the size of giant mutant yellow banana! All women-ape were crazy for his cold and censored censored censored censored This made billzorgo angrier than a bull with a nervous disposition, which when ignored, will become a major problem. Therefore he must seek help immediately, if not sooner! So he went to a cognitive behavioral therapist. The therapist was renowned for his bushy eyebrows and his even bushier parts we can't mention for fear of upsetting god-fearing mothers. The therapist held billzorgos hand, and chopped it straight off. That should teach billzorgo to fondle her where the babies come from. This drive him even more crazy crazy crazy, and he began to weep uncontrollably. "Dear Lord!" he prayed desperately. "I am handless! How am
I to grope the neighbours bosoms now?!" He lamented. "I'll have to cunningly steal one from the other man-ape left on the planet. So he went hunting ozzo but got sidetracked by two fencing amateur bimbos, who were attempting to fence an orchard full of blooming cherry trees. They'd lost their cherries back in the cherry-war of nineteen sixty four point five. Back then all the women wore nothing but clogs, which was impractical, yet strangely
green. All the men drooled over the green-ness, and this indirectly caused the collapse of the wall round auntie's house. Her camellias were crushed, as was her dog. This was the reason for banning clogs. Once I watched a snail, minding my own business looking for colonel kurtz but this shore is all goddamn beach break. And then it happened exactly what he'd feared, the ebola virus began a small pie shop! But it soon went the winter of our most horrible skin rash who told you to scrub the icy blood in the water where the ocean blue eyes spread like groping fingers soft, honey-like, blind and dilating in the sunshine hardened, blackend, crackling into black pearls, shining, and brought to you by Father Christmas. If he implores ye to act upon your impulses, then muder kill and maim but remember not to cross the street diagonally, laugh, love, and lope. But, what is 'lope' if not a canter oh ah canter naaaa! After all this madness you have to ask if one truly can do the Can-Can while juggling enranged drunken badgers with teeth like hacksaws claws like rusty razors and eyes like fireballs. Breath to melt lead yada, yada, tada. Meanwhile.. at the batcave Batman's ironing his batpants and Robin's best panties whilst listening to the gnomes singing about soap stinging in their eyes. During a group bath everybody was asked to drink yellow pee pee, but all they had was pabst blue ribbon which was very "skunky" so instead, they decided on Campari and soda and expandable leg bands which caused an unfortunate recollection of flash dance resulting in an exceptionally
realistic (old) batman-like fight. Kapow! zzap! wop zock! said the silly-rabbit as hovercrafts filled with eels flitted overhead. Silly-rabbit ran all the way to the interplanetary septic-tank, because flatulent mongoose crashed there. It was boiling and the septic-tank overflowing, so they all died horribly. Meanwhile billzorgo landed in the land of ninjas just in time for the great discount sale of the far left shop selling mango katanas also got some red ear muffs and hat to match the blood on his ninja face. there come pirates out from the magic bush,where they had a pirate ship waiting ready to sail off. Why am I here? said skipper youngest daughter
 
Thank you for this abridged of the Four Word Story, MC! Jeremy Irons has been chosen to play the lead in the film version.

Just who is the main character, by the way?

And what do you think about Stephen Spielberg for the director?

:D
 
Summary (Pages 21-40)

[Why am I here said skipper youngest daughter] who did not really care for banofi pies she could only think 'Hope I'm not pregnant. I wouldnt kwon which salty dog to blame. I should run away and marry the first blood covered warrior i meet in the flowershop in the ghost town with the fluffy penguins and the google spider on the back of the evil death ostrich wearing the small, but t'ai chi inspiring glove. how to get there? So Ozzo the gnome removed his own testicles! "Dinner is served" said the evil cannibal gnome! damn he wouldnt believe how much of this was really just part of a big and scary dream he had where strawberry wombats asked "do you want to jump into the dark." Somebody shoot the bastard. Strawberry wombat resisted, so he finally killed himself. Then an angel appeared, and took him home, where he quickly decided he got the wrong hat to match his fluffy green turtle-neck sweater. It's a good thing his mama wasn't there she'da slapped him silly but she's in hell searching for her keys, roasting with demonic dingos, simmering with sulphurous snauzers, Bubbling beautifully and Boiling, hoping for Hufu, when brisket was more likely, but instead got tripe. Poor tripe eating trollop picks her rotted teeth with dingo bones and bits and pieces of those who preceded her whom tasted like chicken a grisly, but surprisingly spicy treat for her and induced frivolous frolicking and produced much sweat which stained her new battery operated love toy but stains didn't matter;it was teflon. she just had it greased and was ready for her weekly bookclub meeting. the book this week to read Dan Brown and forever be ashamed of her inability to read past page one. However, she deeply loved hamsters, mango, and testicles, juicy, albeit hairy, delights. lovely bunch of coconuts stuffed in her brassiere to make her feel up to the task of mugging the mongoose who was very naive about such carnal things. the poor bastard should get out more often to grab a bite at some strip joint where bites are inexpensive and crabs are free and peeps your friends from under the stairs like that scary movie of the same name starring twin peaks actors. She found love hiding in a man with her hacksaw and pliers and a tooth obsession. Luckily he had a high tolerance for pain and multiple novicaine injections to get him over her big hairy coconuts but novicaine couldn't quiet dull the sense of loathing in her gut. as a last resort she took a stiff body from the morgue and dressed it up in the latest fashions and danced around singing the time-warp from the Rocky morgue picture show which drives you insa-a-a-a-a-n-e ! it's just a jump she made a toast jump to the left and a step to the right... then you put your hands on your face and scream in horror as you jump up and down and shake your booty until your pants fall and you swear you'll never lick toads again. those damn toads always give me delusions of Condoleeza Rice smearing butter in various presidential nooks because she couldn't find tripe with chick peas that were kosher. Suddenly there was a knock on the grimy floorboards. what was that, she said: "Just a sec" with a typewriter and threw the daisy wheel onto those eerie floorboards
making words pass through and fall like raindrops in an August evening. And then she stood on her chair and bellyflopped onto the floor with a satisfying smack. rolling, rolling, she cackled yum, I could get 5 White Castles for doing such a trick! those little burgers entice the most hardcore vegans to try raw meat as quickly as possible and lip smacking ensues. Generally speaking, it's considered vampirism to their kind but we all like to watch them squirm. Speaking of parasites, what is eating at you? A myriad of small hungry grubs. Hell is Home sweet home to devils and other forked roads that we must haphazardly decide upon before we ease on down to meet our ghosts. Haunted and eager, we spin wtih sad spirits and drink to our yesterdays and wish for more money, hot babes and a pool full of invisibility inducing vapours so we can sneak into the vip rooms and steal their natchos and pay for lapdances from gorgeous ukrainian men or gorgeous ukrainian women who had sex changes of the wrong type using a blunt spoon which was made of
specially formulated hardened molasses. Suddenly Vin Diesel appeared dressed in drag and fatally wounded by Sugar Ray Leonard, boxings biggest consumer of cornflakes since Hector was a pup with two heads and Vin gasped and fell face first onto a somewhat sticky glob of caustic soda and flour mixed haphazardly with the "Wooden Spoon of Hades" licked by Cerberus. Later, when the shade of Purple on Vins huge massive, veiny,painfully throbbing neck vein popped out into the exact shape of canada and the glorious, mighty maple leaf covered his private area. he was canada's posterboy for birth control, although those lusty northern wenches preferred a Californian shape like fruits and nuts as they were health nuts and preffered rugged Nordic types with pointy noses which could plunge deep into another's orifice or flagons of mead which ever came first. They do tend to chafe after midnight. Banana juice soothes the worst bouts of skin rash and broken hearts, as well as herpes, it is best to soak for up to six days in jungle juice though pruning may occur occasionally. vin wiped off Halle Berrys buns with disgust and disdain. how did custard get there? Custard congregates, congeals covertly followed Rhubarb through the rabbit hole into wonderland where they found elvis twiddling his thumbs and teasing the horny hamsters, with vibrating pink chop-sticks from his lover, Chao, and other enticing instruments he had collected from a wizened old man whom he later killed in a fit of screaming meemies, when Chao in walked vin, fresh as a daisy, and raring to go. Unfortunately, he couldn't remember why and went in his suped up bright red bicycle to the store where he remembered to squeeze the Charmin, and buy some greaseproof paper to cover his walls what with all the various grease producing threats of the deep-fat fryer. Paper in place, he grabbed a fistful of 3/4 inch crinkle cut fries and tossed them at the dickhead who forgot to turn on the don't touch the greased paper neon sign hanging over the fryer. such a showdown ensued the waitress lost an anchovy and broccoli sandwich but she may have gained a mouthful of another's regurgitated bacon cheeseburger. aforementioned dickhead became nauseated and galloped out of the ferry towards Guernsey. "damn!" where is my hand? I swear it was on the counter." His pint glass had been empty too long when it vanished without a balloon stuck up his nose, he grabbed her ear and pulled her towards the fryer and dunked her in!!! Meanwhile, in Alabama an irritated redneck dropped his trousers to jump across an innocuous looking puddle
 
Summary (Pages 41-60)

[Meanwhile, in Alabama an irritated redneck dropped his trousers to jump across an innocuous looking puddle] of reeking possom vomit. Suddenly he saw the ufo in the sky returning President Bushs brain only slightly more damaged contained in a lovely antique English chamber pot. It was then that things started getting strange what with elvis, vin and Condoleeza all shaking their groove thangs ya-ya. Cheney had to be hosed down for safety and carted off to have his head examined which didn't take long there was no brain, just five frozen peas which were shriveled and actually controlled by a disgruntled suburban tabby cat wearing a trilby hat and pale pink galoshes. He had style but no sense of rhythm. All he wanted was to moonwalk without embarrassment with Michael so busy babysitting to payoff lawyers. he made do with twisting in cat litter and wicked domineering plans to rumba towards successful embarrassment-free closet dancing. When slid inside the void, and found nowhere to buy a blue cow to have sex with, he killed a rabbit and created zombie bunny. Nobody in Haiti ever saw a zombie bunny with such big hairy Cohones which only proves don't judge a bunny by the cow he loves so dearly, it says nothing of his inner zombie. It says "i like f**king cows nothing more...nothing less. zombie bunny dragged himself in womens clothes and went seeking blue cows to quench his lust. The cows he found using an erotic compass pointing to "true love" were sadly lacking in blueness, and weren't chubby. he must settle for the scrawny turquoise hefers. so he dropped trowel, and got down to business: the dirty business of cow f***ing. Someone crept up from behind and goosed him mid-stroke. he lost his groove and his turgidity. He turned flaccidly to the bull who was watching and becoming quite arroused. the bull snorted and offered a lurid smile and mounted zombie bunny who pushed back enthusiastically but still grimaced at the bulls lack of the gift of romance. "why can't he just appreciate my feminine side," a little snuggle would work wonders and meanwhile would distract the weasel from singin' Mick Jagger, who was slowly creeping towards the lavatory. Incontinence certainly had it's drawbacks. Massive dry-cleaning bills, dehydration, not too mention all the boxers set afire and shrivelled balls hanging like wet lettace. Eventually he will get a botox implant to give himself massive appeal and more lucrative chances at becoming a Chippendale and with a following wind, running for governor of the book forum as he was too clever get involved in local politics. Clinidium bromide helped his irritable bowel problem but made him unpopular due to unusual gurglings and odorous effluvia that tended to erupt without warning. Blame the dog, was his first inclination, until he fell down, tripping over the mutt and spewing bowel juice on the brand new oriental rug, causing quite an odor in the den. it was occupied by several medium sized elves in rainbow colored thongs, which tended to gyrate wildly about the den listening to old Beegees albums and drinking copious amounts of sour looking Paris Hilton's monthly porn flick, when all Western Civilisation imploded. Large breasted woman came in and suffocated the first person with the long elf in her passionate imitation of snail reproduction, leaving a slimy trail
 
Summary (Pages 41-60) (part 2.. I can't edit my first..)

that lead to the a tiny little castle under her hope chest where her best things are kept, but always neglected, until one day she can finally create her own large purple a zoo with several secret aliens nestling in for a good night's probing of the unsuspecting human experiment. These aliens were extremely interested in finding intelligent life, alas there seemed to be again large breasted women which is always good. then came the penguins which is always bad but large breasted penguins which is always weird and disturbing in many getting jiggy with it with rapper Will Smith but anal probes couldn't put a stop to their desperate yearning for yams, oh how they longed for squishy, orange popsicles, they really wanted anything orange but all they had was cheezies. This was not going as the aliens had planned, the travel brochure clearly stated: loads of orange gushy goodness inside;follow clearly marked paths and bring probing gear which must be clean and shiney and warm to get to the land of milk and processed cheese, they were saying, "Hey, bring the first victim over here. I'll get the ketchup." then they heard a moaning from one of aliens who then ran into the flying plate suffering quite a gash, again causing the orange fluid to ooze through their sickly bilious green foreheads. The gash pulsated like a frogs throat and they all licked the repulsive orange slush but they licked, anyway. the aliens then plotted their course on the next lucas fiasco, hoping satellite navigation Peruvian edition was a suitable replacement paper weight. They went to the zoo for a snack and some tasty pickled Zebra, when the baboon called them and told them about the fresh hyena salad which sounded delicious, so they bought it and they ate and laughed until their ass bumped into the flying plate and the treehouse in the park fell down and almost killed the hot dog vendor pushing the old lady over fence to feed lions which were happy to indulge their feline yearnings. oldfolks smell like catnip. to be part of the local zoo council that decides who can eat who and when, while the zoo personal prepare a three course desert that they ordered; orange gooey caramel ring followed by a huge queue for the toilet in which 762 people were 'touching cotton'. If you know how to, just three easy steps can bring you close to massive consumption of the house specialty which consists of: Ass Radish, "mmmm..ass radish," said a flatulent mongoose enthusiastically spoke about his quinsy which was in need of removing and put in a new line of designer clothes with blue and yellow ribbon around the middle to inform 'Tony Orlando' that he has to lose the old oak tree that was meant to encourage hugging and mutual singing and holding onto the little girl which apparently wasn't even female. hang on to her big breasts which aren't fake except the silicon chips operating the nipples which try to flee persecution in Tsarist Russia because they think that silicon nipples will trigger disappointment and civil unrest in Rasputin’s nether regions or destory humanity altogether whichever one comes easiest by destroying the chocolate nipples..then came the old brat with the ass radishes and dark circles around his eyes and tries to bite the sweet, sweet nector of George Bushs brain. Yummm...squishy, rotten brain, delicious gooey nothingness brain, very filling for something other than the hard, usual, intelligence filled brains of the mortal writers. fat, rich, jello filled beans to get them flatulent once again and float them out of the grimy toilet bowl where they could gaily practise acrobatic swimming and other non-essential olympic pursuits. they really just wanted to g-g-get along, but they could not forgive the heinous, flatulent outburst behind the mongoose jacuzzi so that they jumped [onto the passing raft]
 
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