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Dracnäe - Epic fantasy story.

riferrada

New Member
First of all, hi to everyone!

About my book:

Dracnäe is my first book. It is a story that has been in my mind for years, so I finally decided to write it. I have to say that English is not my mother language, so I would appreciate any comments or corrections. In addition, I would appreciate any comment about the story itself, so I could apply it to the text. Thank you all.


Book 1 "Echoes of War"



Prelude


At the beginning, only the goddess Dracnäh Orûhm inhabited the empty world. She was happy wandering in its gigantic plains, vast oceans, lush forests and high mountains, all of them her own creations; but she felt alone. The passage of thousands of years marked that deep loneliness; which made her finally decide to invent living beings to provide her company. The goddess created insects and small animals, which (without having planned it) took care of growing the beauty and very life of the world. But again, the passage of thousands and thousands of years remarked that horrifying loneliness.
It was then when she decided to create the first sentient being, someone who could share her own ideas and witness the beauty of the world and its life. The new being had to be immortal naturally; it should provide her company for all eternity. Thus the first winged serpent stepped the primeval world (which name nobody even remembers) and flew along the goddess for eons; until the creation itself felt alone. Sad for her fellow, the goddess Dracnäh created more serpent-like creatures to make them company, in that way, the beautiful winged beings spread over the lands, mountains and seas; guarding and protecting their world. The Goddess knew that by giving that gift to her beloved friend she would lost him; and she did. But she was not vindictive; she loved each one of her creations, so she let him go. Dracnäh decided then to create more intelligent lives and watched them grow and interact, move back and forth, build and destroy, always under the supervision of the wise and eternal winged serpents, which (honoring their creator) had called themselves Dracg’ons; “children of Dracnäh”.

One day, tired and still feeling that sad loneliness, the goddess left and never returned again. This act filled their beloved ones with pain, especially the dragons (as the name transformed with the pass of centuries) and their leader, The First, who was the only one she talked before undertaking her quiet retirement.

So, no longer under mother Dracnäh’s guidance, the thinking creatures; mortals and immortals, got divided into groups, races and ethnicities. This caused hostility, one which grew over the centuries. Thus the first wars began, arousing the unknown fury of the winged guardians, who knew the terrible secret shared by The First, the one secret the goddess trust him before leaving. They had the difficult task of not letting the creatures war each other, so the vast peace long lived in the world could not be disrupted. But the thinking beings were stubborn, and they worked towards to arms.
The First had to intercede on several occasions, but it was too late; the damage caused by the ignorant creatures was already made.
Seeing the foolishness of the races, and how foolish they were themselves thinking of a change; the dragons decided to leave just as their creator, and they were never seen by the people of those times again.

Over the centuries, the unexpected appearance of dark and deformed creatures horrified the thinking beings, who did not know where those entities (so violent and so far from the other Goddess’ creations) had come from. The numbers of the disfigured creatures grow in dozens, hundreds and thousands, as the conflicts between the thinking beings continued. The presence of those new enemies, who pillaged, killed, destroyed and desecrated; forced the thinking beings to create “the First Agreement”, they had to put their differences aside and meet a common goal. So, through the following centuries, they worked together to banish the aberrations, throwing them into infinite holes; holes that (according to their beliefs) headed to a place they called “The Underworld”. They fought the monsters until no one walked their domains again, domains they rename as “The Higher Lands”.

The thinking beings had taken an important step, they discovered that peace was good, and they could survive very well along with each other; they had learned it the hard way. So they kept a (fragile) time of peace, which lasted many, many generations.
Over the centuries, the alliances were gradually forgotten while conquering the vast lands and getting away from each other, but there was no struggle or conflict, they believed the appearance of the monsters was a punishment of the goddess, and they would not test her wrath again.

One day, out of nowhere, seven winged beings appeared in the world, and toured the archaic cities and towns, bringing love and grace to the thinking creatures. They were the sons of Dracnäh, and the creatures of the world loved them, as they loved them back. That is how that love made them decide to give up their divine existences and live among the mortals, teaching them the magic with which their own mother had created everything eons ago. Those were the times of rebirth, the “Dracnäe” (as these beings called themselves) made the thinking beings grow in wisdom; promoting understanding, coexistence, and love to nature. Those golden times were called; the Age of Light.

When the old legends had been almost forgotten, the monsters came back from the depths, not in small groups as before, but in enormous and well trained armies with only one goal in the collective mind, to destroy. Nobody knew why they appeared, or where they came from, but that kind of evil could not be mother Dracnäh’s doing. The so long harvested peace had finally come to an end, and not even the Dracnäe, now mortal beings, could do anything to stop or confine again the evil creatures to the Underworld.
There were countless and endless wars, where the inhabitants of the Higher Lands banished their defeated enemies, closing the holes where they came from forever. But the monsters always returned in superior numbers and guided by an even greater anger.
Nothing changed for thousands of years, peace became utopia; one that only dwelt in old songs legends. But they learned how to live with the chaos, and they even got used to it and turned it a part of their daily lives; specializing in war and the arts the battle, it was not against each other now, brothers all, but against one common and increasingly numerous enemy.
But that was only until true evil appeared. An evil the very goddess did not dare to name.
It was a demon, an aberration that should have never seen light. After its awakening in the depths of the Underworld it began to conquer every one of the foul races that inhabited those darkened parts of the world. The Beast’s power surpassed anything known, even the Dracnäe could not stop it, it even gained the name “The Lord of the Dead” because of its ability to raise the dead (allies and foes) and command them against the fearful (and almost futile) resistance. When the war (usually called as “The Last Great War”) was coming to an end, and the hopes of the defenders of the Higher Lands were shattered; the last remaining Dracnäe sacrificed their lives creating the ultimate warrior, a little boy who was born from a Dragon. He was named Di-Nahi, but after the years he was better known as “The Black Dragon: Destroyer of the Lord of the Dead”. Though, that is another story.


Prologue


It’s been ten thousand years since the Last Great War, where the mighty Black Dragon destroyed the Lord of the Dead at the cost of his own life. Ten thousand years in which the heroes are scarce and the races of the Old Covenant forget the alliances and their own past. Ten thousand years in which the lords of Underworld have sought and waited for his terrible master.
It’s been ten thousand years since the Battle of the Black Sun, and the echoes of war finally sound, the smell of putrefaction, blood, destruction.

Finally... their master has returned.


The Silver City


The summer of the ten thousand year of the Dragon age was ending, and the festivals honoring to the great hero “destroyer of the Lord of the Dead”, had left their mark on every corner of the Higher Lands, there was only happiness and joy in the hearts, leaving no room for enmity. All kingdoms and races shared and drank, sang and danced. But summer was going, and celebrations and joy with it; slowly coming back to normal, and while the first leaves of the forest began to fall, a shadow grew in the hearts.

Kaius was seated on a large silvery rock in the middle of a glade where he had settled his camp; reflecting on the possibilities to transmute a stone he held in his right hand on a liquor bottle. The brown hair rested on his small shoulders, and his black eyes (that contrasted a lot with his pale face) were lost in the infinite. His thin lips outlined a slight smile imagining the tasty flavor the magically created liquid would have. With his free hand; he played combing and ruffling his short and sparse beard, which should be lusher in his twenties (considering that he had it grown from his seventeen). He was so lost in his thoughts that he did not realize that the fire had completely devoured the rabbit that so many troubles gave him to catch. Just when he thought he had found the exact formula to create his wonderful elixir, a loud roar and a howl, led him directly to reality.
―But what in all hells happened here silly kid!
Mälkar had appeared bringing fine spices to add more flavors to the rabbit, and had found it completely charred. The old wizard angrily watched the remains of what would be a meal to remember. After all, one can not achieve a rabbit from Thalas Bur every day.
―I can not count on you for anything, can I? you little wimp ―he exclaimed while his long black hair fluttered in the wind and his beady blue eyes flashed with anger― I have only been out for five minutes and you almost burn the whole camp.
The old man opened the faded leather purse hanging from his right shoulder, and pulled out his wand, which in his own words; was made from the wood of a rare tree called Ghissel, which by the way was gone extinct about four hundred years ago (it was a mere branch to Kaius’ eyes, although he sometimes wished one like that with all his heart). With a single movement of the wand; the wizard made the campfire and the roasted animal disappear out of sight.
―At least we still have the fish you catch ―he looked in all directions looking for the succulent fish that his apprentice, he supposed, had brought to serve on the fabulous feast.
―Where are they? ―The tall old man walked across the camp with his blackened robe dancing with his long strides.
Kaius did not say anything; he just stared in fear of his master, thinking the punishment he would collect for burning the rabbit, and the worst punishment for forgetting fishing. If only he were not so distracted.
―I am asking you a simple question, for all the goddesses! Where are the damn fish?! ― He shouted as he banged his staff against the ground.
The young man remained silent just thinking of an idea to get him out of the mess, until, thankfully; one popped into his head.
―They escaped sir ―he spoke without hesitation, seeing like the old man's face changed― I caught them and put them on a rock over there, I swear! ―he continued― but as I prepared them to cut and spice; a dark sorcerer appeared out of nowhere and attacked me. The fight was terrible; a lightning spell the devil threw me carbonized the poor rabbit and left me paralyzed. The fish, seeing this scene, found nothing better than flee. In any case I understand them ―he paused and looked at the sky pretending thoughtfulness― if I were them; I would have done exactly the same.
The old man looked at his apprentice in the eye, denoting the complete security on the absurd lie he was saying (and even some desperation to really believe it). The young man was standing playing with his long thin fingers eagerly, and tried to avoid the teacher's eyes at all costs; pretending he had new spots in his dirty gray robe, or looking in all directions expecting a new fictional attack. The wizard studied his face carefully during uncomfortable minutes, and then laughed aloud.
―If it were not for your occurrences kid, I would stop being your master since many years ago.
His mentor’s smile made Kaius feel very relieved, but that was only for a short time, as the old man (flashing a mischievous chuckle) ordered him to catch another rabbit, this time not only without using magic, but also with one hand tied behind his back. The apprentice left the camp cursing softly.

The forest of Thalas Bur was a beautiful place; his blue, red, green and orange leaved trees reflected the strong sunlight from that time of the day. The floor was covered with short reddish grass, and there were different species of shrubs of different greenish tones. The wind played among the branches mixing and spreading the delicious fruit fragrances that filled the lungs of the student, who breathed deeply, as if trying to keep the image in his memory forever. There was a wide river of clear and warm waters that completely crossed the forest, in which cheerful salmons leaped and splashed measuring their strength against the flow. According to his teacher, drinking those waters would make even the weariest of travellers recover his energies, although he had not verified it yet.
As he walked hunched over some bushes that grew alongside the rushing waters, the apprentice saw an abnormally large fat gray rabbit, whose gaze was lost in the blue sky where the wind toward the clouds formed funny (and sometimes disturbing) figures. So great was the view that the young man stared in wonder the strange forms. Suddenly a very peculiar image blew him out of reality; it was a kind of animal with very long ears, whose face seemed to be forming a mocking smile.
―Damn! ―he exclaimed― the rabbit!
He looked at the direction where the animal had been moments ago, but there was nothing. Desperate and thinking that this time he would not be save from his teacher’s punishment, he wandered for at least fifteen minutes without finding any clues to the whereabouts of the animal. When he had lost all hopes to catch the fat animal, he finally found it resting on a pile of dry leaves, with his gaze lost in the infinite again.
―You are mine! ―He shouted.
The apprentice’s scream alerted the creature, which swiftly turned and ran. Kaius chased him for several minutes, but it was too slippery, and it had preference for leafy bushes with long spines; making its pursuer to constantly rip his old and faded tunic and scratch his face and hand on more than one occasion. Until for some seconds (and maybe looking for another one of those thorny hideouts) the rabbit hesitated. Kaius, without thinking twice, jumped and grabbed the stubby tail with his available hand.
―Now I have you!
The furious animal, which by its size seemed to be the emperor of the rabbits, ran carrying its hunter through more bushes filled with long spikes that pierced his skin. Just when the apprentice felt he could no longer hold his prey, the beast awkwardly hit his shaggy head against a rock hidden in a pile of sticks and dry leaves. The young man (tightly clutching his enemy) turned and tied its legs but not before receiving a big bite, though it was more by reflex than an action itself.
―You do not know how I will enjoy eating you ―he shouted forgetting the pain for a moment.
Suddenly, the fat creature began to convulse and his red eyes turned white until it finally everything calmed down. The apprentice shook him hard, but there was no reaction; apparently the chubby creature had suffered some kind of attack by the tremendous efforts.
Kaius laughed loudly yelling at the animal he was the victor, but later (and noticing what seamed to be a mischievous smile on the deceased’s face) he realized that it was not his hand that ended with that life and it had no sense celebrating something not done by himself. In the end, despite being dead, the gray fat beast had won the contest. Kaius even thought that maybe the rabbit had died on purpose just to mock him for all eternity.

After twenty heavy and tiring minutes, he reached the camp where Mälkar waited the food.
―OH! You made it ―the magician exclaimed pretending surprise while drawing a small grin at seeing his student’s scratched appearance, he did not seem to have spent a very good time exactly.
―I see you took a bit of work to catch this lovely creature.
Kaius looked the long claws, sharp fangs and pointed ears, and recalled himself being dragged by that "lovely creature" with one hand, which certainly hurt enough.
―yes teacher, it is adorable.
The old man sat on a flat rock, pulled out a black pipe, filled it with tobacco, and after a snap of his fingers; the soft fragrant smoke began to tour the camp. He took out a booklet of notes from his leather purse and began reading and smoking with pleasure. After a moment, he looked up and saw his pupil watching helplessly perplexed.
―You are not thinking I am going to spice and cook your rabbit right? You burned the one I prepared; you will cook this one. And do not forget the accompaniments.

After dinner’s long preparation and giving a real feast on their prey (especially the apprentice, who seemed to over-enjoy every bite) the sorcerers prepared to break camp. There was still a long stretch to reach Thalas Bur; in the kingdom of Eddlar. There was only one path to the big city; a road made of fine polished rocks carved in such a way that resembled silver, and which gave a majestic touch to the vast forest that stretched to where the two men looked at.
It was common to see wandering wizards walking in the Higher Lands, although not as much as it was in the old days. They were known as the connection between the Goddess and the mortal beings, and the light and guidance everyone should follow. In the ancient ages, wizards had enough power to purge a city o punish a king if they needed it to be done, such was the power that the old Order possessed. The divine Dracnäe had taught them the arts of wizardry so they could mark a balance in the world, and thus it was made. For thousands of years they put order in a world in constant changes and chaos, they were respected and wanted. But after the First Magic War, they lost their revere and admiration. The peoples of the Higher Lands noted those were mortal beings just as themselves; they could make mistakes, and there were many of those in those days. Now, after many centuries, the sorcerers kept protecting the world as they were taught to, but they had not the same power and privileges they used to have. There were actually three kinds of wizards now; the ones of “the Order” (which is located in Haras Runadam), the ones called priests (actually priestesses, because they admit only women) and finally the renegades; those who decided to learn the Goddess’ precepts by themselves, ignoring the commands of “the Order” and detesting its absolute secrecy and arrogance. Mälkar was among the last ones, and he had always told Kaius to never trust the good intentions of a mage of the Order, “for there always must be some hidden meaning in that”.

As they walked the shining road, the old man questioned his student.
―Kaius, what do you get from the mix between gray tiger bones and Wild Flowers of the Queen ―he pronounced solemnly.
―It is a replication potion master, alchemist mages used it in the War of Eddlar ―the student responded while dodging a blue branch that crossed the trail and closely followed the tall old man, who walked briskly.
―Now, what is the specific function of a letter-spell, and how do you make it ―the master continued.
―The letter-spells ―Kaius repeated gladly― one of my favorites. It can be any piece of paper that is imbued with a spell, translating the magic words into ink so then the non magic carrier can use it.
―Very well ―the old man said while combing his black thick eyebrows ―Now, how do you make a healing potion?
Kaius thought for a moment, and then raised his voice.
―That is an easy one master ―he answered with an air of grandeur―, it is necessary the Radimis leaf, some spores of the Evas Flower, and of course a few leaves of the Forgetting Flower ―he added frowning in sign of wisdom― the amount depends on the wounds of the treated.
The master looked at him as he ducked to avoid a green fruit.
―Excellent! ―he exclaimed frowning― and the poor wretch who drinks it will sleep for all eternity. It is amazing your ability to forget everything you have been taught, boy.
Kaius looked at the old man without understanding what he meant.
―Read your annotations ―Mälkar added angrily― do not think I will give you the answer to something that you should already know.

The night came quickly and the first stars begun to be reflected in the wet leaves of the thick and ancient trees. The Elhimîs River could still be heard at the distance and the wolves’ howls echoed while the darkness of night slowly enveloped the environment. The shadows of the tree branches formed amorphous figures in the red grass that covered the forest while student and teacher advanced through the silver road.
―All right, now to the practical ―the wizard said as he pulled out a long black coat from his new rabbit fur backpack and put it on his shoulders almost completely covering his faded robe―. Grab that snake ―he ordered―, the one crawling to the tree at your left. Use “the arms of Darainis”.
Kaius nodded, looked for the selected animal, breathed deeply; and then hit the ground with both hands.

―Adericus Darainis!

Four thin but long roots rushed out from the ground, pinning the snake like green fingers. After that (and after a long minute of fruitless struggle) the frightened snake was freed as the apprentice canceled the spell.
―Perfectly applied, now invoke the White Flames of Khon ―the master added watching his student's eyes as he made a face. He had never been good at that spell.
Kaius raised his hands, closed his eyes; and uttered the magic words.

― Khon Arak Doradan!

There was a loud bang, but only a black and stinking smoke came out of his hands.
―I still can not do it master, but at least I can make smoke now ―the student blushed and turned thoughtfully toward the sky, while Mälkar kept walking with his eyes on the road― How old were you the first time you were able to control the white flames?
―I was seventeen; I think I have told you that before.
―Three years before me ―the student sighed sadly― I’m starting to believe that, as you say, I’m definitely not cut out for this.
Mälkar noticed his apprentice’s grief and tiredness, his gray robes and short green cloak were still covered in dirt by the incident with the rabbit and he still had chunks of grass and weeds in his tousled hair.
―Patience Kaius, I also said you are a lot better than I was in other spells at your age ―he added nodding thoughtfully― for example; transmuting the weirdest objects into liquor.
Kaius’ face brightened. Sure, when it comes to make liquor, he was the best wizard in the world.
―You are right master, if I do not get good enough in magic within a few years, I think I will put my own tavern.
Mälkar burst out laughing.
―I still remember when you created the “Old Frog Whisky”. Your skin remained green for two months.
―Yes master, I remember it too ―he said making a false and tedious smile― though I rather not to do it.
―What do you mean? It was the funniest thing, I had never laughed like that in all my life.
―Yes master. It was very funny.

The stars were shining, and the moonless night began to betray the two men’s senses. The old mage (who still laughed aloud) pulled out his Ghissel wand and shake it three quick times, making it to shine; showing them the way to follow.
―When will I have one like yours master? ―the student asked as he pointed the lanky device.
―When you know how to use it ―the wizard answered in a mocking tone.

Finally, late at night, they arrived at Thalas Bur; ancient elven city now inhabited mostly by humans, gnomes, dwarves and imps. That was their destination.
The Sorcerers advanced through a row of white stone pillars masterfully carved, which guided them to one of the two entrances to the city, which was completely fortified, surrounded by tall thick white stone walls inlaid with gleaming metals. The entrance was guarded by proud soldiers dressed in silver and black armors, who looked suspiciously at the two nocturnal visitors, who slightly bowed their heads in greeting.
Kaius could not help but greatly impress at the first sight of that city. There were houses of different sizes, shapes and colors; the floor was made of the same shiny stone that covered the forest road, probably work of the dwarfs; who in the Age of Glory had helped the elves of the Golden Wood to build one of their most important capital cities. Among the various alleys that led to the main street (where the sorcerers walked) there were many people, even at that late hour, circling, sweeping the street, or talking about the latest gossip from the kingdom.
After about twenty minutes, they reached the center of the city, where a large and busy trade stood surrounding the main square; the streets were crowded with people taking advantage of bids offered by the competitive merchants, who fought to have more customers than the neighbor. From the main square, various streets and alleys could be accessed, leading to the different sectors of the city. And in the center of the square, surrounded by a daintily maintained short grass, stood a beautiful silver seven levels fountain, where fresh water fell floor by floor reflecting the lights from the burning lamps; strategically placed so that all corners were lit even in the darkest night.
Thalas Bur had been part of the Golden Wood for thousands of years, under the reign of the elf lord Dhamrel Ilvandir, who, as a symbol of unification and alliance between the kingdoms (and after the slaughter the human country suffered during the Underworld hordes invasion) the elf lord kindly ceded it to Eddlar, becoming one of the most famous and visited trading centers between races in the Higher Lands.

According to Mälkar, there was an area inhabited only by dwarves, who had become rich by trading with precious metals and stones, and had built their own corner in the city, the Eternal Golden Halls; with high buildings erected with pillars of rock and gold over so lit streets that it was as if the very sun dwelled in there. It was like traveling to the legendary Mithran Mines just going down the long stairs leading to that beautiful place, At least that is how his teacher described it, and it was one of the first Kaius` destinations once they had found an inn.
There were also a few elves remaining in the city, who were seated at the high sectors and their homes were built on large silvery trees. The place was almost the last remaining of the city’s elven art. Buildings that seemed to float, crimson streets and so immense trees that seemed to own a complete metropolis in every one of them. As it was the magical focus of the city, it was one of the apprentice’s main destinations. Anyway (as his mentor had said), having such a mixture of races and cultures, Thalas Bur was one of the busiest places in the kingdom of Eddlar.

As it was his first time in the Silver City; Kaius walked entranced, watching every corner trying to capture it in his mind to never forget such a magnificent sight. He knew that wandering wizards’ life would not allow him to settle in one place for too long, that is not the way it works, he had to travel all over the world seeking wisdom and power (according to Mälkar), although he willingly had stayed for a long time in Thalas Bur to "gather wisdom and power" and incidentally take a vacation.
In a corner of the long street where they walked, Kaius noticed a small fountain of drinkable water, he went to wash his hands and face, then watered his curly brown hair a little. As he bent to drink the fresh liquid, he looked up and in the distance, after two or three rows of houses to the east; he could see the tops of tall trees and some small lights on inside these. It was the Magic District, home of the elves. The apprentice began to walk unconsciously in that direction, but his mentor’s hand stopped him as he stated that it was not the time to explore.
Shortly after passing the elven sector, they advanced by an area his teacher appointed as the leisure nook. It was particularly grim, with many bars and what at first sight (although they did not confirm it) seemed to be disreputable business. But the young man was so excited that he did not care if he was taken to sewers while touring the magnificent city.

As they walked, Kaius gave a fleeting glance at his master, who looked strangely tired mind. His face (to the swinging light of the torches) denoted further wrinkles of the ordinary, his small blue eyes forced greatly to distinguish objects and streets in the shadowed place, his unkempt beard fell on a dirty robe, so aged, that the original color could no longer be distinguished. This; added to the ruffling long black hair and his walk leaning on his white staff, made the old man look more like a sad beggar than the truly powerful sorcerer he was. After all, it must not be easy to reach four hundred years old. The old man had had a life full of adventures and misadventures, saving and destroying cities; loved in as much realms as hated in others, he had been master of six more sorcerers, those who never shone as much as he did, and could not even reach half-life of the great Mälkar Whiteflame. After all, a wizard’s life is not easy.
―Master, are you going to tell me what are we doing here yet?
During his journey in search of a mystical arcane rune in the western kingdoms; the old man had departed on one of his common (and long) reflection walks after dinner, and when he got back he told Kaius there would be a small change of plans, so they would head to Thalas Bur and find a place to rest there. Kaius did not bother much about it, but it really caught his attention, because his master was not devoted to leisure.
―I told you we have only come here to take a break ―the sorcerer tiredly answered as he looked in all directions looking for a place already known but (perhaps product of long years of absence) almost forgotten― and there is also something I have to do in this place. OH! Here is it; the old wolf, and it is very old I see. Here we can rest and we will see what happens tomorrow.
Kaius looked up and saw a small tavern, in which weathered oak door hung a rusty table, where the almost imperceptible letters said "Welcome to the Howling Wolf soldier". At the sight of the grungy place chosen by his mentor; the apprentice’s first idea was to turn around and return to the forest, there at least (and despite the hungry wolves) the view was much more welcoming. The small two-floor building had only one window in the front, and it was easy to guess it was poorly illuminated. Mälkar pushed the door, which creaked unpleasantly as they entered.

The Howling Wolf was a grim place, almost completely dark, there were wandering beings of different races, but one could only distinguish their silhouettes as everything was lit by a single star shaped devise of fifty candles in the middle of the room (of which less than half were lit), so only a dim light allowed to see just the glittering eyes that watched the two wizards as they advanced at a rapid pace in the shadows.
The center of the room (whose color was impossible to distinguish) had only eleven tables available, mostly adorned just by a bottle of an indistinguishable half-drunk liquor, full bowls, and wide ashtrays for the pipes and cigarettes (which odorous smokes made the place even gloomier). Long black wolf’s leather armchairs were deployed in the corners, where the mysterious figures sitting there seemed to comment the newcomers’ entrance. To the right of establishment there was a large white stone bar, where a fat old man (who seemed to be the owner) watched the wizards trying to distinguish their faces. Mälkar told Kaius to follow him there.
―We are going to stay here a few days ―the wizard exclaimed giving an intense look to the old and chubby bartender, who in return, responded with the same glance, as if trying to recognize the wrinkled old man with lively blue eyes before him.
―Damn it Mohk! You are really getting old ―the magician cried as he pulled out his wand from the rabbit’s leather bag and illuminated his face― it is me, Mδlkar.
The bartender stared in amazement as his countenance changed; he even looked younger than he really was for a moment, perhaps product of memories of old times when he was a proud soldier of Eddlar.
―Mälkar! You are still alive, old witch.
The bartender’s fat face, despite the battle marks, wrinkles, freckles and a thick white beard (that left little to see); denoted great happiness.
―I thought my days would end and we would never be able to finish our discussion about who really killed the giant mace Troll.
The chubby old man put on a pointy red hat, which was not enough to completely cover his bald head.
―Let’s go to the back side to have a more quiet conversation ―he said asking the two wizards to follow him― Hey you! Gellen, come here you good for nothing― he shouted to an extremely thin lanky helper who was across the hall― Take care of the business while I talk to these gentlemen. Do not give free drinks while I am off, or I will cut your scrawny neck off!
They walked down a narrow hallway leading to the other side of the tavern, where after a large stone door, the inn started. Unlike the previous site, this one was bright and colorful, with ocher walls almost completely covered with different races and cultures ornaments. The inn had many rooms on the second floor, but in the main one it only had four gates, the kitchen, his own room, and the friend’s rooms (as the old man said).
―What brings you back to these parts of the world, my dear friend? ―The innkeeper sat on a large brown wolf’s leather couch while beckoning his guests to accompany him― Do you want some house special cider? ―he asked Proudly― Thom! Bring a bottle of pure cider, quickly! ―He shouted into the kitchen without waiting for the wizards` response.
A young red gnome, with long nose, pointed ears and wearing a mustard suit, came in from the back door carrying a large crimson bottle. He took three glasses inside a cupboard and placed them neatly on the star shaped table that was on one side of the couch. Then he remained standing next to his fat boss, with his arms folded, expecting some order. The old barman gestured with his hand to withdraw, to which he nodded and headed hurriedly towards the kitchen.
―Very good, old friend, are you ready to remember the old times? ―He said, smiling.
―Do you really intend to bring the incident with the big mace Troll to the table, Mohk? ―Mälkar asked mockingly― you know that to fall back due to fear and have the incredible luck that the sword just stood stuck in a hole in the ground, thus killing the creature falling on you; is not something you should be very proud of, should you my friend?
The fat Mohk (who according to Kaius’ estimations should have been something more than seventy years old) jumped up and took a ragged old sword hanging over one of the small windows.
―OH! ―he exclaimed offended― I see you are really senile witch, a strategy like that was very complicated and previously elaborated.
Mälkar laughed.
The bartender took two steps back; dropping heavily to the ground and raising the sword firmly. While the magician also jumped off the couch, with his drink in hand and smiling evilly.
―So I guess the spell I threw against the monster’ back did not influence it to fall on you.
―Of course not! I saw very well how that lightning spell missed and bounced against a pillar behind me. No, my friend, you did not have anything to do with that terrible creature’s death.
Mälkar continued laughing, which further angered the bartender, but after a moment; he also began to laugh loudly.
Kaius was very amused watching the singular scene, he had never seen his serious master that way, after all; the old man was human too.
―Whenever we meet each other, we end up discussing the same thing, my old friend ―Mälkar added with a sad smile―, our two versions go towards totally opposed ends of the world, but as our paths will soon come to an end, I must say that I accept defeat, I will never make you understand what really happened.
―What really happened ―the chubby Mohk repeated smiling.
The two elders talked and drank for hours, laughing and singing battle songs that Kaius (still stunned by his mentor’s behavior) did not recognize. They smoked every single part of the tobacco provision that Kaius had bought in Longshire, without even offering a little to the poor apprentice, who could not help but to remain sat hearing the incredible (and sometimes almost unbelievable) stories the old geezers remembered, as he watched the last handful of that delicacy (which so many troubles he happened to get) was leaving for good. That night; the old men slept like logs.

The next day, seeing that his master could not get up due to the severe headache that hangover entailed, the apprentice felt ready to explore every corner of the city. But his intentions were thwarted by the old bartender, who asked him to attend the tavern as he was “not in the best position to manage the business”, and he had been a fool to think he could still drink as much as in his youth.
Kaius spent all day working in the bar. The old Mohk had expressly asked him not to let the "fool Gellen" to approach the drinks or else he would give them free as if it was the end of the world. Indeed, the skinny man (with dark skin, greasy black hair and extremely small bony hands) approached the apprentice every five minutes to tell him “that is my friend”, or “that man is important in the city and we should give him a free drink to keep our customers happy”, to which Kaius ignored (and on more than one occasion made him want to accomplish the threat that the old barman had made the night before). But not everything was a waste of time, for he used that situation to test his magic skills; creating and changing drinks at will, which were greatly well received by the tavern customers, who seeing that the new barman was a wizard (and the eccentric way the delicious drinks were fixed), they bought every cup or bottle that Kaius made, even the messy ones. Of course he did not see any penny of the earnings he made with his “fair and honest work”, as Mohk took it at the first glance; thanking him for the good job.
That night (or actually the little night remaining) Kaius slept soundly and did not wake up until the next day afternoon, which he devoted exclusively to rest.

At dusk, the old Mohk seemed ready to resume what they had started the day their guests arrived, excusing himself with "we must recover all the years we did not meet". Mälkar, with a very serious tone, agreed but also said that it was time to put on the table the actual situation for which they had arrived at the Silver City.
When Thom (the young gnome) put the transparent cider bottle on the table, the three men sat on the couch. The wizard took a sip, and when his friend was about to speak; his serious look and voice interrupted him.
―I need to unbury it Mohk. Something happened during my last trip. Something that should have never happened.
The innkeeper's face paled, his round brown eyes watched the sorcerer with surprise.
―Where did you bury it? ―Mälkar insisted― I know I told you to hide it, including from me, but I need to see it again ―a sorrowful wince spread across his face― Mohk, I saw General Rhegar, there’s no doubt about it, it was him.
The plump old man looked at the wizard with a mixture of disbelief and pain. He remained silent for long minutes, looking directly to his friend’s beady eyes.
―My brother died many years ago in the Battle of Red Leg at the hands of the princes of Underworld. Mälkar, you know that, you were there, you saw him die ―his eyes filled with tears remembering an immense sorrow that he believed superimposed.
Mälkar rose from the couch and began to pace around the room with his long staff in one hand and the half-drunk glass of cider in the other.
―Then you should know what that means Mohk ―he gave a quick glance down the hall and then to the door where the gnome had left to make sure no one were listening― the rise of the dead is one of the signals.
Kaius did not understand what they were saying. And just like the night before, he simply listened and tried to spin some ideas to understand something of the two elders’ bizarre conversation.
Mohk also rose from his chair and walked to a window, shaking his head in denial.
―No! You told me this could happen… that if you ever got blind by the lust for power and came begging me to have it back… You made me swear that I would never handle it to you… that I had to hide it… bury it where no one could ever find it.
The old man was not looking at the magician anymore; he was lost in his own thoughts.
―I can not tell you where it is ―he kept silent for a moment, looking at the floor―, did you really see my brother? ―he Groaned but then his face darkened again― No! I can not do it Mälkar, you made me swear!
―Don not be stupid Mohk ―the sorcerer countered in a desperate tone― you know very well that I am the least of the problems if I am corrupted by the power of the book, compared to the return of the Lord of the Dead! ―he cried― now take me to the place where it is!
The bartender looked into his friend’s blue eyes, which were staring at him with a hint of pain in his face. He tried to convince himself that his old comrade would never have those mean intentions. In fact, he was always sure that he would never live the day when the great Mälkar Whiteflame could be corrupted. Finally, and after a long sigh; he nodded.
―All right my friend, and may the gods forgive me if I am making a mistake, but I could never doubt on you ―he said painfully― I buried it in the ruins of ZhenGalf, I took it there after the war. It is under the statue of Almen Rohir; in a dwarven magic lock box several feet underground, not even you could open that box my friend. I must go alone; there are instructions not to let anyone other than me to enter that place. If you do not want to cause problems, let me go at dawn and bring it the day after tomorrow.
The wizard approached his friend and placed his right hand on the plump shoulder.
―Was it so hard to trust, my friend? You can rest assured ―he added quietly― no evil power has been able to seduce me. At least not yet.
The old mage sat down heavily in the couch and turned his gaze to his young apprentice, who had been watching that strange scene in frightened silence.
―Kaius, serve another drink so my friend Mohk can relax; now we are drinking this good cider and tomorrow is another day to worry.
The two old men slowly started to get drunk and Kaius (tired of hearing so many stories of the past) retired to his room, and just putting his head on the soft pillow, he slept soundly.

The next day, the apprentice found his master's bed empty, he could not understand how after drinking so much, the old man could lift so early. However, he finally felt free to go sightseeing.

(to be continued)
 
It has a great deal of potential and I would encourage you to persist with it, but I would also highly recommend enlisting the help of an editor or even just a native English speaker to help you with grammar and syntax.
 
It has a great deal of potential and I would encourage you to persist with it, but I would also highly recommend enlisting the help of an editor or even just a native English speaker to help you with grammar and syntax.

Thanks, I am actually looking for an English native speaker who can help me with the grammar and syntax. So, if anybody reads this and would like to help me with it, I would appreciate it.
 
I sincerely wish you luck in your task, but in all honesty, finding good proof-readers is a very hard one.

I set a web platform (http://richard-falken.com/en/books.xhtml) to where I uploaded one of my own books and let some people access it (by a password for each reader). I interacted with my readers using IRC (a chat system) so I could gather opinions and corrections. It is a far from perfect solution, but at least it will kill the most obvious mistakes.

Get ready for a lot of indifference. Most people is going to think your book does not cut it and dismiss it without actually reading a line. Lots of others are going to wish you luck but do nothing to actually help.

Did you write it straight in English, or did you write it in your mother language and then translated it?
 
I see Spanish is your mother language, so we have something in common.

I am definitively going to have a look at the posted work when I find the time, which may easily be this weekend. Don't count on me to have accurate editing and mistake-smashing, as I am afraid I am not that good with English.
 
Yes, I wrote it in Spanish first, but the book in English has a lot more than the Spanish one (I have added more while I review it). Thanks for the advice, I will continue looking for someone who wants to help me with the correction; I could put his name as the official translator in the credits. Good luck.
 
I think there are some mistakes, but I am afraid I am nor good enough with English to know for sure. However:

"The Goddess knew that by giving that gift to her beloved friend she would lost him" -La diosa sabía que entregándole ese don a su amado amigo, ella la perdido (!!!).

"The First, who was the only one she talked before undertaking her quiet retirement." -You don't talk someone, you talk TO someone.

"the one secret the goddess trust him before leaving." -Bad verb tense, I think.

"The numbers of the disfigured creatures grow in dozens" -Bad verb tense.

"They fought the monsters until no one walked their domains again, domains they rename as “The Higher Lands”." -Bad verb tense.

More opinions coming soon. Any English speaker who wants to ensure I am not screwing up too is welcome.
 
"specializing in war and the arts the battle"

I also find the way the Preface and the Prologue are distributed odd at the very least, but it may be just me.
 
I think there are some mistakes, but I am afraid I am nor good enough with English to know for sure. However:

"The Goddess knew that by giving that gift to her beloved friend she would lost him" -La diosa sabía que entregándole ese don a su amado amigo, ella la perdido (!!!).

"The First, who was the only one she talked before undertaking her quiet retirement." -You don't talk someone, you talk TO someone.

"the one secret the goddess trust him before leaving." -Bad verb tense, I think.

"The numbers of the disfigured creatures grow in dozens" -Bad verb tense.

"They fought the monsters until no one walked their domains again, domains they rename as “The Higher Lands”." -Bad verb tense.

More opinions coming soon. Any English speaker who wants to ensure I am not screwing up too is welcome.

"The Goddess knew that by giving that gift to her beloved friend she would lose him

The First, who was the only one she talked to before undertaking her quiet retirement.

the one secret the goddess trusted him with before leaving.

The numbers of the disfigured creatures grew by the dozen

They fought the monsters until no one walked their domains again, domains they renamed as “The Higher Lands
 
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