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It works well as a prologue because it sets the setting as the American southwest, and sets the tone of the story - a struggle for liberty. It also explains the mindset of Chico and hints - at least to me - that he also fights for liberty on the behalf of his family. Take care, JohnB

I had a few problems with the grammar, etc. The underlined parts are incomplete sentences. Chico is standing. His mom and sister are cowering beneath a mesquite tree. It seems odd that he would look UP to them. If you mean he takes his eyes from the man on the ground, have him look...

Manuscriptx, I have no problem with the content of your postings. And it's gracious of you to render a universal apology. In that spirit, I apologize if (or that) I offended you during our former heated discussions. Take care, JohnB

Alas, I could not make any sense of it at all. Driver, clowns, mother, drug-crazed youth, all appeared, performed illogical acts and then were dropped. Time seems to jump around also, adding to my confusion. Sorry, I don't even know what this was supposed to be. JohnB

I tend to go to http://www.ralan.com to find outlets from my work. They list mags from the top echelon down to the "for-the-love-of-it" outlets. They also list anthologies looking for submissions. Submit to a few of the paying markets and see what happens. As far as magazines go, most are...

Surely there were more than 15 Dick and Jane books!

You've got a P.M., nyse. Just want everyone else to know that this is shaping up as a very good and suspenseful novel. JohnB

If you want to post them on your site, I promise to read at least the 1st 2 chaps. If they don't bore me to tears, I'll read even more. Message me where they are and when they're up.\ JohnB

Hope that helps. For some reason, the sentences in the gremlin/fairy exchange were better constructed. I moved several adverbs, they should almost always come directly before the verb they modify. Not all the changes are marked in red, only those I wanted to stand out. So, as you can see...

"Slatted" is more of a typo than an error and yes, everyone has them. I only pointed it out as an aside. I take it the novel's title is Operation Shiva, which gives me no hint as to the book's genre, and would actually lead me to assume that it was something to do with India or Buddhism. So...

Being totally serious, why do you need a co-author? You're young; you have plenty of time to hone your writing abilities and make it on your own. Your writing is good; but there are "tricks" that authors learn over time. Join a writers group, either locally or online. Or just find another...

It might be easier to attract a co-author if you spelled it correctly. What are you bringing to the partnership? Hang around forums like this and listen to critique and you'll be able to write all by your lonesome. Learn sentence structure; there are many, many run-on sentences here. (Note...

It's good, gives the reader an instant knowledge of what the book is going to be about. I didn't feel much tension, though. Maybe add something after the first sentence like: "Someone important would die today. Maybe several someones. Maybe Jeff would die along with them." Everyone knows...

Nice relationship and a good twist at the end. Might I suggest that you stay entirely in the girl's point of view? It's best to avoid adverbs whenever possible, they tend to slow the prose. Instead of “I love you, Karissa,” he replied seductively." how about "I love you, Karissa," he said...

Nice writing, but I don't have a clue what happened after stepping into the cellar. That's not meant as a criticism, I just don't get it. JohnB

"$6 for the greatest novel ever written. Pales in no comparison. Rival of nature herself. Fine for those who like violence and the unknown. And priced with compasion at only $6." Egads, forgive me, Lord! How dare I offer constructive criticism to an author who "Pales in no comparison?"...

His cheeks reddened again and burned, fueled by embarassment. Just a suggestion. JohnB

Some good stuff here, Hannah. Not bad for a young writer. Cut the verbiage and eliminate the contradictory. If she can't feel it, why mention the sun on her neck? If the hooves are silent, why would she notice it? If she's in a dream, why "usually?" Good stuff, just economize your...

Verily, Forsooth and B'god! (Not to mention Begorrah!) How dare I suggest that this farce is not of the level of Shakespeare or Seinfeld? I verily lower my head in abject humility! Thou carryest on, into the breach, naked with a sword belt about thy mizzen. I verily spit on thy cannonballs...

This is written in a style that's been out of date for a century. If you mean it to be that way, so be it, just commenting. Exclamation points for nearly every sentence is a bit much, don't you think? I had a problem with "as you chose" (should be choose) and "stole upon the captain's sword...