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I know nothing about poetry and after reading that I'm still confused.
It's not really visual; it doesn't paint a deep enough picture for me, it doesn't fill my senses. Sorry, I really just don't know.
I think all the nice people above covered the valuation well. However, I'd like to draw your attention to "Here is an exract I wrote when I was bored". Personally, I never write well when I'm bored. Everyone is different though. See what happens when you're pumped and full of energy!
Thank you all for taking a look and I certainly appreciate any criticism.
A writer doesn't see the holes in his or her work and I'm no exception. Poppy1, sometimes it takes me an entire day to write a paragraph; thanks for the kind words. I look forward to reading more of the work here and...
Thanks for this opportunity to rip it into me.
The following was written in around six minutes and I'd like to know if it is too obscure and unworthy as a good read. I normally work on novels but I like the quick fixes too. (Australian English spelling and grammar)
six minutes
‘Your...
I'm not sure if you want suggestions?
I too like your layers idea Tommy. Of course readers have different preferences but I'll suggest to you not to use clichés. Example, "painted on their faces", I can see you are too clever to use such imagery. The "clear grass" reference might confuse some...