Books with photos of the author

[Freya]

You must have all had a book where either in the front or back cover there's a photo of the author. Usually in black and white, staring into the camera or off at a distance, in what one can only presume is meant to be an intellectual pose.

Can we ban them? They're very distracting, as authors seem to be generally very ugly people. Reading a book over breakfast, you accidently slip with the pages, catch a glace at the inner cover and before you know it, you can't possibly eat another mouthful of your fry up*. Great if you're on a diet, but disappointing otherwise. Nobody likes to waste a good fry up.

One of the worst I've seen recently was Jeremy Paxman as I mentioned in another thread. Catching sight of him made me want to be very violent. Isabel Allende was also mighty off-putting. Oh and Bill Bryson. What on earth made him think, 'Genius plan! Put a photo of me in the cover!' He looks like a dodgy old tramp, and that beard! Brings shame to decent bearded folk like myself. Looks like his hasnt seen a decent hot oil treatment in months.



*Insert own breakfast of choice here

 

[Litany]

They shouldn't be allowed. You're busy submerging yourself in the world of the book and every time you turn the page or pop the book down so you can fetch another glass of absinth there they are, staring at you through their glassy eyes. They never look like they should look, generally they're quite podgy and unappealing. At the very least the publisher should stump up for a slimmer, more attractive model. I love George R R Martin's books, but I don't need the hairy beast watching me while I read them. It would give me tummy gerties.

I had this squinting back at me the whole time I was reading Line of Polity. Most disturbing.

 

[Freya]

Or the authors could use their earnings to pay for a bit of plastic surgery, if they're intent on having a picture of themself on the book.

 

[novella]

I want to go in that polishing machine they put JK Rowling through.

 

[Freya]

If Rowling was a minger she'd frighten off all the little kiddies.

 

[novella]

Michel Faber looks like a girlyman ballerina. Almost put me off. His publisher should remove that.

But Ian McEwan looks bookish. I don't think his face hurts sales at all. Looks like he can write the pants off other guys.

 

[Litany]

I think you mean manties.

 

[novella]

Are they for under-kilt usage? I have not seen them in the Colonies of America. Our menfolk prefer the voluminous Puritanical boxer short.

 

[Freya]

Manties are them.

 

[Litany]

If you ask very nicely, El Beardo Diablo might show you his pair.

And his manties. HA HA HA HA HA HA.

 

[Freya]

I'd pay real cash money to see Raven in his manties. Ideally what I'd like is a video of him doing a little dance in them.

 

[Litany]

I did pay money and he still won't show me. I even had them embroidered with a special message.

The moral to this story is never buy underwear for men with beards.

 

[Freya]

So unfair. I hope he realises how distressing this is. Selfish brute.

 

[Litany]

What does he care? Sitting pretty in his shiny new knickers, trumping a merry tune. Makes me sick.

 

[Freya]

Michel Faber is GINGER!!! No wonder so many of his pics are in black and white.

 

[Miss Shelf]

I had this squinting back at me the whole time I was reading Line of Polity. Most disturbing.

I can't decide if he's constipated or he should be wearing glasses.

Not too long ago I looked at a picture of a woman author and got distracted by her dog, I totally forget the author's name but I really liked her dog!

 

[Litany]

How do you know the dog wasn't the real author and she was just his pet human?

 

[Kookamoor]

I usually never think to look at the photos, and when I do it usually changes the way I read a book. Why do they need to be there, anyway? The author's name is on the cover for crying out loud!

The most disturbing one that I recall is that of Terry Goodkind. I now think he's a bit of an arse, but seeing his picture was the first indication I had that he might be a little odd:

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Floating head and arms are not cool - and what's with the pumped up muscular 'I look like my main character' thing going on? And would a smile really hurt so much?

 

[tartan_skirt]

They can also be quite misleading. I wasted almost a whole English lesson trying to figure out whether an author was male or female, from the name and the picture it could have gone either way. Damn librarians covering the author information...

 

[Freya]

Who was it? Come on we all want to laugh.