Deviant Behaviour

[hay82]

I've recently been studying a bit of sociology, part of it about deviant behaviour.
What do you consider deviant behaviour, I don't mean when people deviate from the law or a set of norms, but when they deviate from folkways. This it not really something big, but it makes people seems strange

I've been thinking a bit about what makes me think of people as deviant/odd and here are a few.

I was waiting for a bus and an old woman asked me if it had been there yet, and then continued to talk about bus routes. That was odd...

When the bus is nearly empty and someone you don't know sits down beside you, when there's no reason to.

People who constantly want to have eyecontact when we talk.

People who stand very close when you talk to them.

Someone asking very personal questions about you or tells you something very personal, when you don't really know the person.

 

[sanyuja]

Oh! I have had so many experiences like this!
There is one particular person who I want to talk about here.
There was this girl in my college who used to come and tell you very personal things even though you are not intrested in it. The reason was that she had lost her father sometime back and she wanted everybody on earth to sympathise with her. If I talked about getting late for some class, she would say things like "My dad was so punctual!" Initially I used to wonder why she was like this. One day, she just got on my nerves and I told her 'Hey, you know what. Everybody loves their dad and everybody will lose him one day or the other. Forget it and move on.' I dont know whether it helped her or not, but it definitely helped me. When she realised that I am not going to give her any special treatment just because she lost her dad, she backed off! She stopped troubling me!
And about people who stand very close to you when you are talking! I am very scared of them! You never know whats going on in their mind. So, run away!
I think they are like this because they want people to pay attention to them. They want to be noticed, they want to stand out -- if not by being extraordinary, then atleast by being weird!

 

[Stewart]

People who constantly want to have eyecontact when we talk.

Do you have something to hide?

 

[hay82]

And about people who stand very close to you when you are talking! I am very scared of them! You never know whats going on in their mind. So, run away!

The book I was reading about sociology in actually had something about this. It said that it was normal in some countries to stand close when you talked to another person.. Can't remember where, but perhaps someone around here knows.

Do you have something to hide?

Always... In this case my eyes.

 

[Kookamoor]

It said that it was normal in some countries to stand close when you talked to another person.. Can't remember where, but perhaps someone around here knows.

I've read that people's personal space varies depending upon their cultural background and their relationship with another person. Incidently, the study of looking at how we use personal space is called 'proxemics' (God bless google )

I went looking to see if I could find personal space discussions for other cultures, but my quick search was dominated by American references. All the same, it's pretty neat:

"U.S. Americans generally divide personal space into four distinct zones. The Public Zone starts at about twelve feet from the person and stretches back to the limits of sight. The Social Zone reaches from four to twelve feet. The Personal Zone range is from two to four feet. The Intimate Zone stretches from zero feet to two feet away. When people are not aware of these zones and the meanings attached to them, violations may occur. The result is tension and suspicion. We’ve all felt uneasiness in the movie theater, elevator or airplane when the stranger on either side inadvertently touches us. Our personal bubble of space has been invaded and we feel uncomfortable and resentful."

Want an example? http://www.everythingesl.net/inservices/proxemics_elevator.php

So here's my question... how do you distinguish between deviant behaviour and cultural differences?

 

[hay82]

So here's my question... how do you distinguish between deviant behaviour and cultural differences?

You don't.. What is considered deviant behaviour in on country isn't in another but it is still deviant behaviour, at least for the people who experience someone deviating from the folkways.

 

[novella]

Here's a big worrisome deviation!

The guy who cuts our field hay is like 40+ years old. He called for my son when he was 11 (rang the bell, can kid come out for a ride on my tractor?) one evening. He is not a family friend. He just wanted to "play" with my son. Yikes!

Okay, how's this for deviance: A local couple got arrested recently for Driving While Intoxicated and Incest--simultaneously. The Police Blotter was real interesting for a while.



Here's another bit of deviant behavior:

I hired a woman a long time ago to care for my infant child. The day she was supposed to start, two women turned up. The one I hired said, "This is my cousin Rochelle. She's going to do the job." They were Caribbean. Maybe that's okay in Bermuda, but not in NYC.

BTW, if someone comes too close to me, I always think they are trying to intimidate me. I just say, can you please step back? You're in my personal space. I guess that's very American to say, though.

 

[Kookamoor]

BTW, if someone comes too close to me, I always think they are trying to intimidate me. I just say, can you please step back? You're in my personal space. I guess that's very American to say, though.

Apparently you're in the minority, then - only 2% of people will actually say something when their personal space is invaded. Most people will either move themselves or walk away.

 

[Ice]

Apparently you're in the minority, then - only 2% of people will actually say something when their personal space is invaded. Most people will either move themselves or walk away.

Personally I'd back off myself, though i'm am very non-confrontational and rarely say anything which may cause offence.

 

[Wolhay]

One of my personal favourites among deviations is when strangers keep holding your hand when they've shaken it. It goes against all moral norms and usually requires confrontation to get your hand back.

 

[jenn]

i once went on a date with a guy who sat beside me instead of opposite me in a booth. it was very distracting.

 

[Wabbit]

Hay, the country you are thinking of is Japan. They stand a lot closer then we do. I can't remember off the top of my head what the distance is. Not sure if it's just Japan or if other Asian cultures are the same way.

 

[jenn]

Hay, the country you are thinking of is Japan. They stand a lot closer then we do. I can't remember off the top of my head what the distance is. Not sure if it's just Japan or if other Asian cultures are the same way.

really? i lived there and never found that people were too close. my god, AM I A CLOSE TALKER!!!!!!!!

 

[Wabbit]

Well, that's what I READ, but I take your personal experience over what I have read

 

[novella]

I've read that in Japan, you can be right on top of someone in a crowded train and they do an excellent job of maintaining their personal space even though there is none. They will not make eye contact with you, and it's considered very rude to look directly at them.

My mother always taught me that in a crowded NYC subway, if someone puts a naughty hand on me to grab it, raise it in the air, and say "who's hand is this?" really loudly.

 

[sanyuja]

I've read that in Japan, you can be right on top of someone in a crowded train and they do an excellent job of maintaining their personal space even though there is none.

Got to learn a lesson or two from them! Whenver someone gets very close to me , I feel very very uncomfortable. I generally dont ask the person to back off. I move away at the very next oppportunity.

My mother always taught me that in a crowded NYC subway, if someone puts a naughty hand on me to grab it, raise it in the air, and say "who's hand is this?" really loudly.

I will try that next time!

 

[marlasinger]

BTW, if someone comes too close to me, I always think they are trying to intimidate me. I just say, can you please step back? You're in my personal space. I guess that's very American to say, though.

Hey, you're very ballsy! I'm a wuss - I'd say nothing, and slowly edge away.

My mother always taught me that in a crowded NYC subway, if someone puts a naughty hand on me to grab it, raise it in the air, and say "who's hand is this?" really loudly.

 

[Maya]

I think there is an unwritten rule here in Norway, that says a guy from my home country can't sit next to me in a bus. I haven't figured that out quite yet, but I've noticed that if there's no seat vacant in the bus, train etc., but the one next to me, if the guy has the same cultural background as me, he would rather stand. Girls do the same.. when it comes to guys. so lately sometimes when I'm aware of it I try avoiding it too. It's not my fault.

In my homeland, I feel people you don't know and know, talk too much. I'm used to quiteness, and there, everyone talks everywhere. I remember a woman, we didn't know started talking to me and my sister, so we pretended like we didn't listen and stood up and walked away, because we figured she probably was insane or something, when mum saw that, she gave us a hell of a time.

 

[jenn]

I've read that in Japan, you can be right on top of someone in a crowded train and they do an excellent job of maintaining their personal space even though there is none. They will not make eye contact with you, and it's considered very rude to look directly at them.

My mother always taught me that in a crowded NYC subway, if someone puts a naughty hand on me to grab it, raise it in the air, and say "who's hand is this?" really loudly.

it's true. you can be stuffed on a train so tight that the need to hold on to a pole is unnecessary, you are all pushed up against each other, you just sway in the crowd. and there is little to no talking, no eye contact. however there is the odd groping hand and we were told to grab the hand and bite it.

my favourite deviant behaviour in japan was that it is soooooooooooooo rude to blow your nose in public, soooooo rude, yet you see people picking it everywhere. not really deviant for them i guess.

 

[Motokid]

"my favourite deviant behaviour in japan was that it is soooooooooooooo rude to blow your nose in public, soooooo rude, yet you see people picking it everywhere. not really deviant for them i guess."

So what are you supposed to do, walk around with snot running down your lip into your mouth? Sniff it all back up into your head? What's the proper thing to do if you have a cold, or allergies and your nose is running?

Here's my pieve. Hugging. What's with some people and hugging? I took a few classes with a woman at least 5 years ago. Haven't even seen her in more than 4 years. Never touched her before (I mean like shaking hands or something like that...). Made small talk on occasion in class. I run into her in a grocery store about a month ago and she just walks up and hugs me. Very uncomforable for me.