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Gone

liv

New Member
Here's a short story that I wrote that has potential for more. Any ideas or suggestions? I'm sorry if I post a lot of my stuff, but I am really working on what I have written. I was in a creative writing class my senior year of high school, and I produced a lot of things in there that I am proud of but that I know can always use something fresh. Thats where you all come in. Please reply and thank you for all of your help and advice!


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He walked along the lonely, abandoned road silently. With tears in his eyes, he searched the vast reaches of wasteland for a sign of hope, of life, but only found rubble and desolation. This was not the place he remembered, the place he had dreamed of coming back to. Once, it had been full of lush, fragrant greenery, and jovial sounds had filled the air. Yet he had to leave; there had been no choice. Bitter feelings of regret and sorrow rose in the back of his throat. They were gone. All of them. Everything, everyone, gone. So much can happen in such little time. Your whole world can shatter so easily, like a chisel on ice; that much he knew. He tenderly stepped over the piles of debris intermixed with lost memories and broken dreams. He found an old, rusty metal bench and slowly sank onto it, quietly reflecting on events of the past years, as the memories came flooding back.

It was Briana’s 9th birthday. I could hardly contain my excitement for the upcoming events. Every year Briana’s parties were more colorful, expensive and thrilling than the last. That happens when your father is the wealthiest man in town, as hers was, he being the only doctor. And I proudly bore the title of Briana’s best friend. We did everything together, ever since we were just babies. Our mothers were the best of friends, so naturally we were too. Life was grand being Briana’s best friend. Her lavish parties were the highlight of our, and the entire towns, year. What made this year so special was the present that I had made for her. It was with all the thought and all the love my heart could muster that I had created the perfect present. I gave it to her before the party started. It was a kind of treasure box that we could put things in and bury it under our favorite tree. She loved it and said it was the best gift she had ever received. We decided to bury our treasure the next day and then wait at least 10 years until we dug it up. Her party was wonderful, as always, but something was different this year. I could never put my finger on exactly what it was until years later when I realized it was I that was different. We buried our precious treasure the next afternoon: my most prized baseball card, her favorite bracelet, pictures of us together and separately, two little baggies, each with a small lock of our hair, and a barb of chicken wire that my pants had caught on during an adventure. Those were happy, joyous times, but little did I know that one day soon everything would change.

His father had been a farmer and a horrible storm had destroyed all their crops that year, the year he turned 10. They had no choice but to go to America so his father could seek new employment opportunities. They had to start over completely, and very soon. Leaving Briana and his small town was the hardest thing he had ever done, but how easily he had forgotten his love for them both. These suppressed memories that had surfaced alighted newfound anguish in his eyes. He must find that tree, that treasure. He dug hungrily through the ruins of his childhood home until he found the burnt, blackened tree stump. Through grief stained sobs he ripped apart the dirt with his fingernails until he found his prize. The perfect treasure box for the perfect girl. He had spent so many hours making this box and the relief he felt that it was still there was overwhelming. He removed it from its sepulcher, gathered up his stamina and trod back to his car. He didn’t know if she was still alive or if she had died in the fire that had ravaged his town, but he was absolutely determined to find out.

 
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