My modern fairytales and poems

[incredulo]

Hi there all!

I've just started writing short stories and poems for children, and have decided to get some opinions (if I can) on them...they are sort of modern fairytales which form part of a wider book I am writing at the moment. I'd love if I could get people's thoughts and opinions on them - I wouldn't expect you to trawl through them all (though they aren't that long, don't worry!) but it would be brilliant if anyone would give me feedback, positive or negative - it's all good!

You can find the stories here:

Dr Incredulo's Incredible Book of Incredulity

As I say, any feedback is welcome and invited - on here or on the blog is fine - thanks very much! I would have posted them straight on here but I think they might clog up the post a bit!

Thanks very much,

Dr Incredulo

 

[WriterJohnB]

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but have you tried reading your poetry aloud? Rhyming poetry must do more than rhyme, it must have rhythm and meter and flow. Especially poetry for children, who can be captivated by the "beat" of a poem. That's why Dr. Seuss was so successful.

Not wanting to criticise without making myself clear, I cannot, even forcing it, make these two lines match.

He took the time to admire their beauty,
In the spare minutes before fulfilling his duty,

or these:

When the mayor asked the crowd “Who will be first please?”,
The knight stretched him arm up still whiffing of cheese,

Sorry,

JohnB

 

[incredulo]

Hey John, thanks very much for the feedback - there's really no need to be sorry!

I realise they're far from being professional and I'm not expecting them to be snapped up for publishing in a hurry - just a bit of fun really for now so it's really useful to hear things back so I can actually make an effort to improve them! This is particularly true with story-based poetry, because I think it's often hard to find fault with one's own writing, especially poetry where you can convince yourself of a way of saying it that wouldn't roll off an everyday reader's tongue as easily.

Believe me when I say I really appreciate the advice, and when I bother getting round to sorting a "second draft" that will be the first thing on my mind. I'm sorry you're sorry, but you needn't be!

 

[WriterJohnB]

Thanks for your honest reply. I always hate to be critical, but I feel it's more important to give an honest opinion. The best thing ever to happen to me as a writer was to join a critique group where I could find out what I was, am and will be doing wrong.

I just got a reply back from an agent who read 3 chaps of a novel and said she was going to pass because my writing wasn't polished enough. Ouch. Guess I need to work harder on improving.

But I agree with you that writing is so much fun that it's a reward in itself.

Take care and good luck,

JohnB