Story (poem)

[BronwenWPhoenix]

Story

Through fire and flames the paper burns,
And so to hell the green eye yearns,
Yet never will it ever learn,
To find a piece of story.

Wind wisps over the couples kiss,
Return to which they’ve never missed,
It comes to them in silent bliss,
To take a piece of story.

Deep within it crawls and creeps,
Underneath where lovers leap,
And somewhere nigh the lions weep,
To break a piece of story.

But stories come and stories go,
Through the earth as water flows,
And nothing stops as winter glows,
So write a piece of story.

 

[Stewart]

It reads well, with a good sense of rhythm. The alliteration is agreeable, too. There are some punctuation issues. The last line of each stanza doesn't always work, but that's more because it feels like there's a breath between third and forth lines that would otherwise be an effective enjambement.

 

[incredulo]

I agree with Stewart actually - the flow of the poem is such that the final line doesn't quite fit and run with the rest of it. I like the idea and some of the lines are pretty strong in my opinion.