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Who do you Marry & how do you know they are the one?

ricky said:
oh, a woman so invented it....think about it.....!
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if i were to be pessimistic about it, i would say men invented it- so they could own and control women. think about history across all the continents
 
Jenem said:
if i were to be pessimistic about it, i would say men invented it- so they could own and control women. think about history across all the continents
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true, but woman were always easier to control then men... why would they make such a sacrifice?
 
jenem, i can totally see and agree with all that you say. i really do. and i respect and admire those that truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. i guess, i have been somewhat soured, and i do think that is an unfortunate way to be.
 
honeydevil said:
true, but woman were always easier to control then men... why would they make such a sacrifice?
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i'm not sure what sacrifice you mean. men could marry, work and have mistresses on the side if they pleased. women stayed at home and had children. there were a lot of societal games that were played, and women were either the booty or the castoffs.
 
ricky said:
jenem, i can totally see and agree with all that you say. i really do. and i respect and admire those that truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. i guess, i have been somewhat soured, and i do think that is an unfortunate way to be.
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well, i know where that comes from- i see it everywhere. it's so hard to find that one person you can trust and be happy with. damn near impossible nowadays. for the record, i don't think anyone needs to be married in order to be happy or have that lifelong commitment.
 
honeydevil said:
i know, and it is not what i said... and i think woman in the whole just became strong in the last 100 maybe 200 years...
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yeah, but furthest in the last 50 or so (like everything, i guess). but we still have a long way to go.
 
Jenem said:
i'm not sure what sacrifice you mean. men could marry, work and have mistresses on the side if they pleased. women stayed at home and had children. there were a lot of societal games that were played, and women were either the booty or the castoffs.
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or both, i talked about the present... and yeah woman had it mostly harder than man... woman had a special position and they couldn't leave it...
 
Jenem said:
yeah, but furthest in the last 50 or so (like everything, i guess). but we still have a long way to go.
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yeah, but in the last years it came pretty much so far that woman have more rights than man.. which i think has not much with equality to do anymore..
 
Jenem said:
if i were to be pessimistic about it, i would say men invented it- so they could own and control women. think about history across all the continents
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Agree here
Jenem said:
yeah, but furthest in the last 50 or so (like everything, i guess). but we still have a long way to go.
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Totally dissagree here. there is sexism in our world and shows up clearly in industry. However wrt marraige, the man is definately the underdog, well in Australia and the UK.

eg A friend of my wife was married to a lady who happens to be a drug addict, she embezelled loads of money and is now serving time. They have a daughter together and he can not get custody of his daughter, even though he is in a stable relationship, working full time and has no criminal record.

In the divorce or family courts they ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS side with the woman. :confused: :confused: :confused:
 
Carlos said:
Agree here
Totally dissagree here. there is sexism in our world and shows up clearly in industry. However wrt marraige, the man is definately the underdog, well in Australia and the UK.

eg A friend of my wife was married to a lady who happens to be a drug addict, she embezelled loads of money and is now serving time. They have a daughter together and he can not get custody of his daughter, even though he is in a stable relationship, working full time and has no criminal record.

In the divorce or family courts they ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS side with the woman. :confused: :confused: :confused:
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what i actually meant when i said we have a long way to go with regard to women's equality is more of the workplace, wages, media, politics etc. as for marriage, the reason women are given custody first over men is because they are known as nurturers. this is a result of the whole idea that women stay at home and raise the kids while the men go out to work and play. i dream of a day when we are totally equal.
 
Jenem said:
what i actually meant when i said we have a long way to go with regard to women's equality is more of the workplace, wages, media, politics etc. as for marriage, the reason women are given custody first over men is because they are known as nurturers. this is a result of the whole idea that women stay at home and raise the kids while the men go out to work and play. i dream of a day when we are totally equal.
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Where I come from women do not automatically get custody. In the case of children under 12, judges give custody to however they think can take better care of the children, after talking to both parent, the children themselves and examined the family's circumstances. Children over 12 choose with whom they want to live, unless there are reasons why they should not live with a particular parent.

Men and women are also more equal when it comes to divorce. People keeps whatever they had before their marriage and whatever they inherit during their marriage. Posessions bought during marriage are divided equally. No partner gets alimony unless there are children, but the alimony is for the children, not the partner, so it stops once children leave home. (and I say partner because, as I explained before, it could be that the father has custody and so the woman pays alimony to her ex-husband). If the partner who should pay alimony, doesn't loses the right to see the children, etc.
 
put some words in italics

Jenem said:
what i actually meant when i said we have a long way to go with regard to women's equality is more of the workplace, wages, media, politics etc. as for marriage, the reason women are given custody first over men is because they are known as nurturers. this is a result of the whole idea that women stay at home and raise the kids while the men go out to work and play. i dream of a day when we are totally equal.
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I guess there is a long to go when people still hold the belief that it's women who are nurturers and men hunters. Either person can do the job, if they wished to.
In my family I go out and earn the money because I have a far higher earning capacity than my wife. This means I am away from home 50% of the time. Not a good situation and it's something that we are working towards reducing or eliminating. But it will not happen overnight so for now we live with it. This does mean that when I am at home I am at home , not off to the office. So I will drop my eldest at school, shower the kids, feed them, cook and clean. It's all part of life and I do not expect to be waited on when I return home. I also spend as much time as I can with my kids as Fathers have a very definite role with their children from conception onwards.

So people who think in the antiquated stereotype way of the Victorian age that man is the hunter and woman the nurturer, are actually living in the Victorian era. It takes a man and a woman working in partnership to raise a successful family. Of course they also have the option of getting married (just to drag the thread back to the subject matter)
 
I KNOW too many people rush into marriage. I have a friend that was with one guy for the last two years of high school, was going to go to college and then marry him. Yeah, he joined the Marines, got shipped off to basic training, and she couldn't even stand that. So she broke up with him, and three weeks later married a guy that she barely knew, and who everyone thought she couldn't stand. They were divorced 6 months later. She was 18 when she did this. Me, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we have no real plans to get married right now. I always said I would never, ever get married before I graduated college. And I don't really believe in living together before marriage, I get that from my parents...but I don't think living together before marriage is wrong, just not for me. I try not to criticize anyone for their decisions in their life regarding marriage. I just know what's right for me and that's what is important to me. I do think that there is too big of a divorce rate in this country, my parents have been together for 21 years, and my boyfriend's parents have been together for 25 years. I don't have anyone in my family who has had a divorce. I don't want to have to go through the whole divorce process, so that's why I'm not going to rush into anything regarding that aspect of my life. But everyone's different.
 
If I ever get married, it will not be until I am at least 30 years old and it will be with a weirdo that looks like a hippie, and who doesn't wear shoes unless he has to. Of course he will not have smelly feet, he will be very laidback and the kind of man who enjoys to pinch random strangers noses. A guy like that I could marry. Perhaps.
 
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