Would This Interest You?

[-Carlos-]

This tale is totally done (in my head). All I need are the details. All I have writing down is the following:

A boy and his father attended an unheralded burial. The boy shed many tears as the casket was lowered into the ground. The father squeezed his son's shoulder just so – in the same way the now dead man had when they met weeks prior. (The boy's father, a wealthy business owner, had his press in a small Italian town during the early 1970's.) The rich household afforded the son wasted leisure. The boy was lazy and his attitude lacked drive. The father's concern for his son's manner prompted him to take action.

At the end of the block, where the father's shop was located, was the old man's studio – the local glass maker. The father would gesture a greeting to the old man in the studio as he walked up to his business every morning. It was during one of those moments that the father decided to introduce himself to the old glass maker – a physically worn, but mentally alert fellow. After some days the two would share a drink or two in either one's place of business. They soon became good friends.

The father noted a weariness in the old man's gaze; the glass maker noted tension in his new friend's words. During one of their brief meetings, the father brought up his dealings with his son's lackluster ways. The old man had an idea - that the boy be his apprentice. The old man was willing to share the art of glass making with the boy. In the process the old man would teach the boy the value of living a productive, fulfilling life.

The father wholeheartedly agreed, and as soon as the next morning, the boy was present in the old man's studio, wide-eyed and unsure of the circumstance.

It's not the prose of course, but just the story line (in part). Does the above fragment make you interested in what happens next? I want to know because the beginning is the hook that snatches the fish. Is my hook sharp? Does the bait allure your interest? Do tell.

Forget the grammar and stuff. I just wrote it however which way. I need to know if you desire to learn more of what happens in the story.

Thanks!
__

 

[sparkchaser]

That is way better than the other stuff you have put up here. It needs a bit of work but not the major overhaul your other stuff typically needs.

 

[manuscriptx]

No.

Based on what I read and skimmed; all I know is a boy, a man and a deceased owner of a long held item. ( something made of glass )

If you're going to spend multiple paragraphs setting up the story; focus more on the overall intention. Where is this going? Does the story focus more on the boy from there on out; the boy and his father? The boy, the father, the old man and the item left behind?

If I were you I'd think about those things.

That's my 2 cents.

 

[-Carlos-]

remember that what I posted is not the words of my story but simply the storyline.

 

[Landslide]

Hey AB. I came across this quote and remembered this thread:

“You should write, first of all, to please yourself. You shouldn’t care a damn about anybody else at all. But writing can’t be a way of life - the important part of writing is living. You have to live in such a way that your writing emerges from it.”
— Doris Lessing

You should write because it gives you pleasure, because you have a story to tell regardless of what other people are going to think of it. I think you get too caught up with wanting to write a story people will like, instead of writing the story you want to tell.

 

[manuscriptx]

-

i agree with the above sentiment; the website I post the pictoral version of my poems; a mix of words through various images and landscapes;

- is holding a near month long writing contest; they're giving away ( so they say ) almost $4,000 in smaller prizes for the best winners who create the best kind of content;

I plan to write a few to see if I can win; you and anyone else on this website that likes to write and publish might want to also.

Just an idea to refine the skill of writing and creating content.

Money is always the best motivator.



http://hubpages.com/help/so-you-think-you-can-write-online