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your parents birds and the bees talk

J

jenn

New Member
was up at 4 this a.m with a cranky 1 year old and caught a repeat of the passionate eye. it was on teenage sexuality and it was interesting listening to what the kids had to say about their parents and how well or poorly the kids felt the adults were doing in talking about sex.

looking back i realize my parents, despite being pretty liberal and young parents, gave me the traditional biological talk, the you'll know the right time with the right person and beware of boys and their lascivious nature. and then that was it. no ongoing dialogue, until i got caught at 15. then there was lots of talking and crying and talking and yelling and talking etc. i'm fortunate that my situation turned out so well, and am married to the guy i got caught with. but, it could have been a disaster. my mom admits now that she never considered how curious and interested i might be in sex. also i think that they made a mistake in giving me too much responsibility at such a young age. not that i wasn't trustworthy, just not prepared to deal with adult situations.i feel that in their attempt to not be like their parents they went too far to the other side, no curfew, very permissive, with a live and let live mentality.

what did your parents do and what would you do differently?
 
Considering the culture here, my parents never spoke to me about any of this stuff. We dont even remotely discuss this. I dont pass any comment like 'there is this cute guy in my class', or 'this girl in my class has this boyfriend'. No No!
Many families here are like this, but few exceptions do exist. I learnt all this from discussing with my friends. I dont have an elder sister with whom I could discuss this. I have an elder brother with whom I COULD NOT! So, my friends used to tell me all these juicy stories and I used to listen to them with my mouth wide open :eek:
I dont think I would do anything different. If my daughter asked me some specific question, I wouldnt mislead her, but give her facts considering her age. They learn all this in school and from friends, so this parents' birds-bees talk is not really necessary.
 
This is a good one Jenn. My parents sat me down to talk about sex. I knew what they were up to. I told them I had learned everything in school in "sex ed" class. I lied. The idea of sitting there listening to my parents talk about sex was just too awful. They let me off the hook.

I am very curious to know how parents of girls, especially if your a father handle this subject. I've pretty much let my wife handle the job with my 12 year old.

I'm scared to death, and view every teenage boy as a threat to my daughters purity and innocense. Boys are so horny and gross.... :mad:
 
i just wanted to clarify that i am not looking for people's personal stories of their first time etc. while i am comfortable with sharing that info i know others aren't. i am more looking for a discussion on what your parents talked about with you, and how you feel about it, like sanyuja's comments.
 
I was told when I was 8 which was a waste of time as I already knew the stuff from playground talk.
 
Stewart said:
I was told when I was 8 which was a waste of time as I already knew the stuff from playground talk.
Click to expand...
You knew it at the age of 8?? :eek: You are one smart person! ;)
 
8????

Hey, we may have wedgies here in America but I'm not sure second graders are talking about sex on the playground here. Wow, that's young.

My youngest is 9 and she's not talking about anything like that....as far as we know....

Maybe it's time for a talk with her.
 
Social decay over here. By 8 we're running around swearing our heads off and finding porno mags hidden in bushes. ;)
 
the big push here is to answer the questions as far as the kid takes them. that way you are not overwhelming them with info, but still sending them back to the playground with the right info.

bad info i learned on the "playground": stand up after sex and you won't get pregnant. you can't get pregnant during your period.

2 of my girlfriends found out the truth the hard way.
 
A very alarming trend I've heard mention of here in the States is that girls will engage in ....hmmmm...how to put this....acts with boys that could not possibly get them pregnant, but would still horrify any parent that might find out what little Jimmy and Susie are doing.

As Howard Stern would put it they would use the either of the other two inputs and still consider themselves virgins.

:eek: :eek: :eek:
 
oh yes that is getting very common here too. well you did have a president who said that oral sex was not sex......
very alarming time to be a teenager. more so to be the parent of one.
 
JEEZ jenn- another reason you're my east coast double:

my parents, too, are VERY liberal and young. they let us do what we wanted, i never had a curfew. but that's where our similarities end on this subject (i hope).

when i was at the age when i needed the talk, i didn't get one (in the traditional sense). my mom just always talked to us openly about everything. at that time, my parents had just divorced and my mom started dating again so she was TOO open about certain things. at that time, my mom wasn't really my mom, she was more like my sister. i have a sister 3 years older than me, and a sister one year younger than me. they all went crazy (sort of like a bad movie) for a couple years there and i just sat and listened. i basically learned about sex through hearing and participating in conversations about their lives.

i had heard all the silly myths about sex, but i could easily come home and ask my mom and she would tell me if it was a crock or not.
 
Yeah Hay82 isn't it great that they put writting right on the crotch of the underwear so you have to put your face right down there to read it????

That's surely the best thing to do in this situation....

Do you think there's a warning label on the underwear to keep clear of protruding objects and potential eye poking hazards????? :eek:
 
My parents never talked to me about sex. Apparently there was this incident when I was four and I walked in on them, but I don't remember, really. My brother did explain the technicalities of it to me when I was in my first year of elementary school, but that was it. Our family's pretty open about it. Although when I was young and there were sex scenes in a movie, my dad used to say it was time for me to go get wood (for the stove), but that was just a joke.
 
Just to underline the importance of being really open and giving your kids as much info as you can, there are loads of kids doing sex acts and getting sexually transmitted diseases who still think they are virgins and will say they are not having sex. That's part of the story Moto pointed to.

The main thing about that story is NOT whether the kids are having sex or not, it's that they are completely ignorant to the risks of what they're doing, because they haven't been thoroughly informed about the consequences of these other acts.

Let's face it. AIDS wouldn't be rampant in the gay community if you only got STDs from conventional hetero intercourse.

Hate to be so specific here, but coyness kills.

BTW, my parents did a terrible nonexistent job with this. But I don't blame them too much. Their parents were even worse. It's a tradition. Catholics! :mad:
 
o.k. all you parents out there? Exactly what is the definition of sex as you would describe it to an 8 or 9 year old? If your child of this age comes to you and asks "What is sex?" how far do you go in your explanation? How far is enough? Until they stop asking questions?

And would your definition be different depending on the sex of the child asking?
 
Motokid said:
o.k. all you parents out there? Exactly what is the definition of sex as you would describe it to an 8 or 9 year old? If your child of this age comes to you and asks "What is sex?" how far do you go in your explanation? How far is enough? Until they stop asking questions?

And would your definition be different depending on the sex of the child asking?
Click to expand...

I think a very good way to solve this problem is to give a kid of 11 or 12 or so reading materials on the basics, including disease and pregancy, ask him or her to read it, and ask them if they have any questions or confusion. I would do this again in a year, when they've had time to grow and think a little.

Also, when there are articles about stuff like that virginity/STD story in the paper, I point them out to my son and say stuff like, "can you believe these kids don't know how they're catching sexually transmitted diseases? What morons!" Then he will typically take a look at the article and say, "boy, that's not smart."

I also ask him what they've covered in school, with direct questions. Like "did they tell you in school about condoms?" "Did they tell you why they're important?" This gets him off the hook explaining the details to me.

He knows he's allowed to know, which is a huge hurdle. It's terrible to be coy. If you're really trying to protect someone, tell them everything you think they'll understand. Acting like anal or oral sex are big conversational taboos is what leads to disease, homophobia, and kids who don't tell you anything because they think you'll be shocked and that you are an ignorant boob. You should realize that those acts are part of pop culture now, they're currency among young kids. Not like 20 years ago. I had no idea about that stuff. Now there are songs about it on the radio.
 
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