Left Behind (The Series)by Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins.

[Peder]

Originally Posted by abecedarian

To be fair, Sitaram doesn't do this just for this thread; it seems to be his writing style. That's why I hesitated to bring it up. I have no trouble with your posts, silly!

ABC,
Thank you for that. Although I have to say that I can't always follow my own sentences so easily Truly!
It was more the injection of personal opinions on religious matters (beginning with the early reviews that I mentioned) that irritated me. I had thought that such expressions of opinion were out of scope for this particular thread ...... or maybe they weren't.
Peder

PS sorry that the server not being able to be found for thirty minutes now prevents my editing the previous message, but this one is clearer. Otherwise I would have deleted the duplicate.

[StillILearn]

Originally Posted by Peder

StillILearn,
From what I have seen of your participation in discussions, I believe you are being very harsh on yourself. That definition doesn't sound like the Still I know.
Peder

Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt, Peder, but I have to admit to being completely prejudiced against these books without having opened a single one of them.

Nope.

Shade, you get right back in here and duke it out with the rest of us. You're one of the aforesaid "best brains" and we need you here. (Monosyllabic contributions will not be accepted from you, sir.)

But I am not out to upset people, and I have said a lot already. So I shall say no more. If someone finds some one of these issues that I have raised interesting, they may PM me.

Sitaram, you too. You're a veritable fountain of information. (Well, maybe that's a veritable Niagara Falls of information, but your staggering education and awesome amount of experience are of inestimable value to this venue. Get yourself right back in here.)

abc, there will be absolutely no slinking allowed. You have a superior brain as well as on open mind, and this is an excellent opportunity to help keep us on track so that those of us who don't think of ourselves as having been saved with a capital 'S' can better understand the appeal of these books.

SFG, you are still in trouble with me for your bad behavior elsewhere.

Now, everybody say, "Yes ma'm."

[SFG75]

Yeeeeees maaaa'am.

[StillILearn]

Still was a woman of peace. A dove. Into peaceful mediation on all fronts. That tickled her fellow posters on forums around the world. She never considered that perhaps her estrogen levels might be in need of adjustment. Usually keeping to a few genial threads wherein smiley faces were welcomed and digressions of every kind not only tolerated but encouraged, she was seldom known to venture far into those threads wherein forum rules were strictly enforced, and certainly never without a bottle of Estradiol in her pocket. Now Still’s hormone levels seemed somehow to trumpet themselves as she read and ignored SFG’s rolleyes plea for self restraint.

Still raved on as the masses wondered, until she nearly passed out from the thrill of it, finally to come crashing down in the middle of a cyber-appearance.

It takes all kinds, they said.

[Peder]

Still,
You are incomparable, as ever!
And you can't imagine how sad that past tense makes me. :(
Please come back into the present. Or better yet, the present perfect.
(And if there is none such, then we'll just have to make one up for you.)
We'll even let you pick the next three books in succession in the Nabokov forum, it that will help.
Most sincerely.
Peder

[StillILearn]

Just being silly, Peder. You know me; not only do I not want to go away, I don't want anybody else to go away either.

(I will take you up on your rash offer to let me choose the next three books in the All Things thread though.)

I now return your screens to the subject under discussion. It may have been a book, I believe.

That you are watching indicates you have been left behind. You are no doubt stunned, shocked, afraid and remorseful ...

[Peder]

Originally Posted by StillILearn

Just being silly, Peder. You know me; not only do I not want to go away, I don't want anybody else to go away either.

(I will take you up on your rash offer to let me choose the next three books in the All Things thread though.)

I now return your screens to the subject under discussion. It may have been a book, I believe.

Still,
I wasn't sure.

But it is good to have you back in the present tense. That's perfect!

I asume that quote was from the first volume? From a minister addressing a group of Christian left-behinds, if memory serves? As I remember, not all people were stunned, shocked, afraid and remorseful. Not by a long shot, as I recall, which I believe was a further theme within the book.
(I read the first volume years ago, and then the last volume when it came out, again some years ago, but don't have either anymore to refer to.)

And, if all that is correct, I'll venture, by way of discussion, that the scene was an entirely plausible one within the framework of the events and people of the story, whether or not it can pass as a shrewd estimate of what the corresponding situation might be like in real life.

As a further observation, I'll offer that this series is more like fantasy than the usual novel, but less like fantasy than explicit fantasy novels. And it is that closer similarity to reality that arouses more pronounced agreements or disagreements with the book's content by different readers. However, it is still fiction IMO.

Peder

[beer good]

So I started reading Left Behind on the side. I'm through the first three chapters and... yes, it's badly written, it can't spell subtle, and so far the whole thing reads like a kid penning a revenge fantasy against a teacher who flunked him for claiming the earth is flat. "I'll show 'em! I'll write a story in which the world IS flat and all the round-earthers get what's coming to 'em!"

But damnit, it's hilarious.

OK, so we start off on a plane over the Atlantic, introducing us to our first two anti-heroes (by definition, since all the good people disappear in the first chapter). An airline pilot named Rayford (RAYFORD?) who's convinced he's smarter than his "religious fanatic" of a wife, and Buck (BUCK?) a boy wonder journalist who's just gotten back from Israel where he was sent to interview a man who received the Nobel prize for chemistry despite refusing to tell anyone how he'd done what he'd done.

Rosenzweig's formula was fast making Israel the richest nation on earth, far more profitable than its oil-laden neighbors. Every inch of ground blossomed with flowers and grains, including produce never before conceivable in Israel. The Holy Land became an export capital, the envy of the world, with virtually zero unemployment. Everyone prospered.

Because as we all know, everyone has oil, but nobody else anywhere in the world can grow flowers and carrots.

And then, just as Buck is waiting to interview him, the entire Russian air force tries to attack Israel - and burns up in mid-air when GOD intervenes! Of course, the stupid secular world doesn't actually believe this happened and it was barely a blip on the news.

Daylight revealed the carnage and exposed Russia's secret alliance with Middle Eastern nations, primarily Ethiopia and Libya.

Ethiopia and Lybia are in the Middle East now? Sure you're not thinking of Egypt and Syria? Besides, isn't Ethiopia, y'know, a Christian nation?

So back to the plane, where a bunch of passengers have suddenly disappeared mid-air (at least they're lucky to still have their pilot; apparently, a lot of planes have lost their flight crews, leading to thousands dying as planes drop from the sky and cars crash – nice work, God) and the captain has to tell the ones who are left what's happening.

I will try to contact Pan-Continental. I must tell you, however, that our location makes it extremely difficult to communicate with the ground without long delays. Even in this satellite age, we're in a pretty remote area.

If you're more remote than satellites, you're pretty far off course, mate. But they make it to Chicago with many a neurotic breakdown as people realise they've been Left Behind (yes, there's at least one title drop so far) and at least one Evil Drunken Materialist getting made fun of. And... ALL THE CHILDREN have disappeared! And that's just the beginning of it.

Most shocking to Rayford was a woman in labor, about to go into the delivery room, who was suddenly barren. Doctors delivered the placenta. Her husband had caught the disappearance of the fetus on tape.

Magic x-ray cameras? Also, can someone explain to me why corpses are getting raptured? I thought the whole deal about the rapture was that people get pulled up to heaven before dying?

As they burst through the door and onto the tarmac, the chopper blades whipped their hair and deafened them.

Ouch. I know getting a haircut must be expensive in the middle of the rapture, but...

And then our intrepid reporter is given a job. Millions of people including all the world's children (well, the ones lucky enough to be born in Christian nations, I guess) have disappeared, every city (again, I assume the non-Christian nations are OK) is in utter turmoil, and so Global Weekly Magazine is sending their best reporter to New York to cover... drum roll... a conference. Which apparently involves Jews creating a New World Order, because that's just what those kooky Hebrews do. Stay tuned...

[sparkchaser]

Beer good, I was going to chastise you for reading that but your review made me laugh so all I have to say is: well done.

Wait. Where's your star rating for the book?

[beer good]

Originally Posted by sparkchaser

Wait. Where's your star rating for the book?

I'm only three chapters in, give me a break. Like Jesus, it'll show up eventually.

[sparkchaser]

Okie dokie.

[Peder]

Fascinating thread!

Memories of old days here on the forum. Good old days!

But I can hardly recognize that Peder guy anymore.

[abecedarian]

Originally Posted by Peder

Fascinating thread!

Memories of old days here on the forum. Good old days!

But I can hardly recognize that Peder guy anymore.

I agree wholeheartedly! I've enjoyed this trip down memory lane too. Can't wait to read BG's full review. Fair warning all: Do NOT read while sipping beverages you'd hate to clean off your keyboard or screen. Just sayin'

[beer good]

Well, I'm laid up with a cold and have nothing better to do, so I'm up to chapter 9.

Have you noticed it seems to have struck the innocents? Everyone we know who's gone is either a child or a very nice person.

So insufferable brats get a free pass?

And here comes a character named Nicolae Carpathia (seriously). There have been elections in Romania, which is obviously huge news in the US in the middle of the rapture, and young Nick has won. "Blonde and blue eyed, like the original Romanians, who came from Rome [since the Romans exterminated the Dacians] before the Mongols affected their race," he's described as a "peacemaker" working towards "global disarmament", one global currency, and the metric system; also, he's able to speak almost every language and charms everyone he meets. He must be a nice guy, right? On the other hand, the UN – you know, the thing that everybody has pretty much ignored for the last 50 years - has already forced the world onto three world currencies, there's a mysterious group working behind all the world's financial markets, and Jesus rapturin' Christ, this is like every crackpot conspiracy theory cooked into one. I'm waiting for David Icke's lizard people to show up any chapter now.

...instead we get UFOs. I should have seen that coming.

Anyway, then we start getting exposition on what the Bible supposedly says on the rapture, which our hero Gayl... Rayford has absolutely no clue about, since despite having lived with a woman who quoted Bible verse at him day and night he doesn't even know that there are different books of the Bible or whether Jesus ever came back. They don't give IQ tests to airline pilots, I guess. Seriously, is this what rapturites think of everyone else – that they simply haven't heard about the basics of Christianity?

Incidentally, 20 pages later, our master journalist has completely forgotten that this Carpathia character whom he's been told about by, like, 14 people already, has been elected president. Of Romania, which we are explicitly told is a country nobody (except presumably the Romans, and have you ever heard about this Vlad Tepes fellow...) has ever cared about, but still; if he's so interested in him, you'd think that particular tidbit would have stuck. But let's check in with our pilot friend again, is he doing anything interesting or is he still just moping around the house?

Rayford was pacing, miserable. He came to the painful realization that this was the worst season of his life.

Wow, that's quite a realisation for someone whose wife and child were just taken from him in the midst of a global crisis. Like I said: IQ tests for pilots, look into it.

Also, the hilarity is wearing off the more preachy the novel gets. This isn't a narrative, it's just a jumble of improbable dialogue masquerading as clues when in fact anyone who picks up the book already knows what's happened, spoken by characters who would look extra flat and clichéd even in a Dan Brown novel, with no attempt to actually adress what's happening to anyone but the 3-4 people who make up the whole story so far, all padded with excruciating detail. I'm not kidding. Here's someone using the emergency exit on a plane:

A bit enthusiastic, he landed not on his seat but on his shoulders, which threw his feet over the top of his head. He picked up speed and hit the bottom with his weight shifting forward. The buggy-whip centripetal force slammed his stockinged feet to the ground and brought his torso up and over in a somersault that barely missed planting his face on the concrete. At the last instant, still hanging on to his bag for dear life, he tucked his head under and took the abrasion on the back of his head rather than on his nose. He fought the urge to say, “No problem,” but he couldn't keep from rubbing the back of his head, already matted with blood. It wasn't a serious problem, only a nuisance.

Meanwhile, Rayfnord's daughter has come home and they've spent a couple of pages arguing theology. And since he's convinced Jesus has reverse-bungeed his wife, he won't have any skepticism.

“Chloe, we can talk frankly to each other. You're my family. (…) And I only wish you hadn't said one thing.”
“Which?”
“That you don't even want to consider my theory. You've always liked my theories."

Well, given that he blames himself for raising her to be an independent woman who thinks for herself and therefore missed the Heaven train, I guess a little of that whining reflects back on himself. Of course, WE know he's right and she's a hellbound fool, but still.

[beer good]

I'm happy to report that when Rayfnord and his daughter stop by what's left of his wife's church the next day, the one remaining member – who's NOT a pastor, absolutely not, just a fellow Christian, but still expects to be paid like a pastor, which is nice - tells them to be born again and won't take no for an answer. As the proud father of an independent daugher, Ray loves this.

Rayford thought Barnes was brilliant. He had put Chloe in her place, leaving her no smart remark.

Yup. That'll show them free-thinkin' womenfolk to shut up when a Christian man's talkin'. And boy, does he ever talk. As does the real pastor, who of course has been raptured, but was kind enough to leave a tape behind for Ray to watch:

“Also, Scripture indicates that there will be a great lie, announced with the help of the media and perpetrated by a self-styled world leader. Jesus himself prophesied about such a person. He said, ‘I have come in My Father's name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive.’ Let me warn you personally to beware of such a leader of humanity who may emerge from Europe."

Europe, eh? You know, I've read the Bible, and neither Europe nor the US are mentioned... (It doesn't mention Mongols polluting the pure Roman blood either, but that's probably beside the point.) So where'd you get that, hmmm?

There's like 50 pages of nothing but religious dogma at this point, but I suppose in context it makes sense; just like any Stephen King novel has to spend time explaining how to kill vampires or raise the dead, Left Behind has to explain their particular interpretation of the Bible since Bible fanfic is really all this is (if only it were as well-written as Stephen King).

Bruce then told the same story he had told Rayford and Chloe the day before, and his voice was the only sound in the place. Many wept.

Completely soundlessly, one assumes.

Anyway, while Rayfnord the pilot keeps wanting to slap his daughter for not immediately praising Jesus for taking her mother from her, our friend Buck has faked his own death – not really sure why, since everyone recognises him anyway – and is going to meet Dracul... sorry, Carpathia, who's been invited to adress the UN. (Hey, the UN secretary general is black and has a funny name. Clearly, they're the good guys.) Carpathia holds a speech which we're told is incredibly charming and wins everyone over – mostly just told, since obviously, LaHaye and Jenkins can't actually write a speech like that. This becomes embarrassingly obvious when they have his speech consist of... oh brother... listing Every. Single. Member. Country. Alphabetically, before going on to tell them when the UN was founded and how it's organised. You'd assume the UN already knew this, but no, they're completely wowed by his ability to repeat well-known facts like a 4th grader on Show and Tell, and immediately fall in love with him. You gotta wonder what they thought they were supposed to be doing before he reminded them. This is huge news everywhere, too. You can imagine the typical watercooler conversation the next day.

"Hey."
"Hey. Wife and kids still mysteriously missing?"
"Yup. How about you? Is your entire belief system still shaken to the core?"
"Yeah, but... Wow. Did you see the news yesterday? The PRESIDENT OF ROMANIA recited a bunch of countries on TV! In alphabetical order!"
"Yeah. Wow."
"Wow."
"Really puts things in perspective, doesn't it?"

If this guy's the Antichrist, then clearly Wikipedia is the Antibible. Oh, and incidentally, here's his take on the concept of news broadcasts:

Carpathia smiled. “Like anyone from Europe, particularly Eastern Europe, I am amazed at your technology.”

Because, y'know, we don't have TV over here. Some sort of light box, is it?

Anyway, Carpathia continues reciting dry facts about the UN until everyone wants to sleep with him – that's not hyperbole by the way, he officially takes over the title as Sexiest Man Alive for being able to name the first secretary general and his inauguration date, which I suppose says something about the sexual fantasies of American women – and proposes signing all the world's weapons over to the UN. And then there's some completely unrelated anti-abortion stuff and Hattie The Stewardess – did I mention her? She's Rayfnord's and Buck's love interest, a Modern Woman, who like Rayfnord's daughter refuses to be patronised by a man but unfortunately is completely clueless and needs a man to look after her - gets to be dim and needy again, which is basically her entire character apart from being beautiful, and chapter 15 putters to a close.