Illuminati
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Hey, I hope I've caught your attention. If I did well then I pat myself on the back. Anywho this is an excpert from my novel:The Great Illuminati War. My Critique is what you think of it and just basically post w/e you liked about it and didn't oh and try to not be extremely harsh if you don't like it. It is coming from a 16 year olds head you know, and I may continue posting excperts from my book here so yeah it gets violent and swearing is involved. (that ok?)
Prologue
Jack only stood there, unable to believe what he was seeing. He raised the
Spas 12 he was holding in his hands, and aimed it towards the thing. What he
was watching was either the next step in human evolution or a mutant freak,
like those from the movie series X-men. The boy, who stood alone before
Jack, was transforming or mutating into something that vaguely resembles a
dragon of some sorts. The boy’s name is Tyler, and he was indeed
transforming into something, but first I will tell you how this came to be.
It all started when Tyler’s second year of high school was done, he finished
the tenth grade with average marks. During the summer vacation he was out in
the forest walking around when he spotted something. It wasn’t an ordinary
rock he told himself, when he inspected the area, where he spotted the weird
rock. But when he touched it that’s when his world was turned upside down.
Or had it? The moment he touched the rock it exploded, but with no noise, he
was knocked back twenty feet from the explosion. He got up and felt very
tired all of the sudden, so he went home to sleep.
When Tyler woke up the next day and put on his glasses he noticed something,
he didn’t need them. Slightly scared he went up stairs to have his morning
shower, when he took his shirt off in front of the mirror he noticed that he
was ripped than he had before (before he had somewhat of a muscular build to
him). This scared him because one does not simply gain muscles over night,
he learnt this from his father (who could easily be mistaken for a
wrestler), and Tyler had his shower. But then the phone rang and that’s when
everything went downhill. The person calling was Erick.
“What’s up Erick?” Tyler asked, “Nothing, just wanted to know if you wanted
to do anything,” Erick replied. “Hmmmm lets see…. Yea sure I’m doing nothing
today” Tyler had become aware that his shoulder blades were beginning to
irritate him, “I’ll go over to your house Erick.” “Ok see you soon.” With
that Erick hung up and Tyler went to get his mom. His mom didn’t notice
anything different about him, but when he asked, his mom noticed that he
wasn’t wearing his glasses. “Are you wearing your contacts?” Tyler’s mom
asked. “Yes” he lied. With that he was off to Erick’s house.
Tyler arrived at Erick’s house about the same time Jesse found something as
well.
Jesse, who was around five feet seven inches, was one of Tyler’s best
friends. He was also exploring the woods when, he found something as well.
To be honest he actually tripped on it. While Jesse was wandering about
thinking about other things, he tripped over a funny looking rock, he
wouldn’t realize it, but the rock was similar to the one Tyler found the day
before. So Jesse went to pick it up, the same thing happened to him: it
exploded. But he didn’t get knocked back twenty feet; he was only knocked
back five feet barely missing a tree. Meanwhile Tyler and Erick were in the
woods shooting at things with pellet guns, Erick went one way and Tyler went
the other, naturally they got lost.
Now it’s Erick’s turn to stumble upon this “rock.” Erick did so,
about the same time Tyler found out that he could use magic. Tyler was
staring at a puddle on the ground when he tried (just for the sake of
trying) to lift the water out of the hole, he almost screamed when he could.
At that same instant Erick shouted for Tyler saying something really weird
had just happened. Erick had touched the rock. After explaining what had
happened Tyler told Erick that he had touched a similar rock the day before.
Tyler’s back had become extremely itchy in the past few days.
Tyler went home later that day thinking about what had happened
during the day. Jesse however was more scared when he discovered that he
didn’t need glasses the next day. Erick was surprised when he saw that he
lost some weight but gained some in a good way, but very confused at the
same time. Back at his house Tyler discovered that he could read minds (how
he came to find this out is a closely guarded secret) and manipulate other
objects, like creating fire, controlling the air and the way it flows etc.
This was all in the month of July; near the end of the month they all
discovered that they could use magic.
Tyler, being the first to find the “rock” transformed first. It was around midnight and he was on the roof of his house star gazing, when his hand started to tremble, he looked at it stupidly. Expecting it to go away he dismissed it, but when he shone his light on his hand, he nearly fell off the roof. His hand, had turned into a
very dark colour, not close to black, but more brownish. He also noted that
his back was next door to exploding, in a space of seconds, everything on
him seemed to explode. First it was his fingers they shot out forwards,
becoming claws. Next was his face, it also shot out, but didn’t make claws,
it became a snout with very big teeth, which could possibly tear through
metal it seemed. During this Tyler was screaming, but no one could hear him:
there was no sound escaping his mouth. Next came the tail, his spine seemed
to have gotten extremely big, and shot out his back near his tailbone, at
first it was solid bone but then skin materialized out of nowhere on it.
Afterward Tyler thought it was done, he surveyed himself, he had grown
considerably, and he was now over eight feet tall, he had very large claws, his
hearing was improved, and he could smell things he had not smelt before. His
feet had turned into talons. Tyler had also looked upon himself; since the
moons light was very bright and noticed that his skin was dark. He also
noted that he was extremely muscular. But the transformation wasn’t done.
Tyler’s hand shot out towards his back, which was throbbing in
pain, it felt like something wanted out and it was big. He ripped open his
back not caring for the lost amounts of blood that would gush from his back,
yet to his surprise he didn’t feel bone protruding from his back: they were
wings. Tyler, who had successfully not awoken the neighbourhood with his
screaming, finally let out a very long scream. Turns out later, he didn’t
scream he let out a gigantic roar that only a dragon could make.
At about one in the morning after hearing a giant roar of rage.
Jesse’s transformation had begun as well, so did Erick’s but he didn’t hear
Tyler’s enraged roar. Tyler, having gone through a huge amount of pain,
wondered if he could fly, because lights were coming on in most of the
houses and he didn’t want to be seen. He crouched downwards and pushed off
the house roof and incredibly he leapt up to fifteen feet in the air, he
tried moving his wings; at first the wings didn’t move they only twitched,
then he focused on swinging his arms. That didn’t help at all, now he was
falling back towards earth, then he told himself to fly, and surprisingly it
worked. Tyler was about thirty feet above ground in the night, when he heard
a roar of anger himself. It came from the Crosby residence, were Jesse
lived. Tyler, curious of what happened flew towards Jesse’s house he flew
past at first. But Tyler reared back and landed in the front lawn when he
saw Jesse jump out the window; he noticed that Jesse was taller and broader.
Then it hit him: he had found a rock during the month as well.
Tyler walked over towards Jesse after the transformation was
complete; Jesse was startled at Tyler’s appearance. “What the hell are you
doing here?” Jesse shouted, to Tyler it almost sounded like rage. “Never
mind that I’ll tell you while we go to Erick’s house” Tyler simply replied.
After teaching Jesse how to fly, they flew towards Erick’s. “So, you’re
saying that the three of use may have some supernatural abilities or have
become something near god-like?” Jesse asked in a confused state. “Yes and
no, you see when you touched that rock; you gained a possible state of human
evolution.” Tyler replied, but it didn’t help Jesse one bit. “Yes… I see,
but why us?” Jesse replied. Tyler didn’t know why this had happened to them,
but it quickly came to him: “Fate” Tyler whispered. “Fate? Hmm… I don’t like
this Tyler.” Jesse said flatly. “Neither do I” he simply responded.
After they landed at Erick’s, they saw that the door was ripped
right out of the doorway. There were huge claw marks on the entranceway,
they looked inside and there was Erick sitting on the couch tail twitching.
“It’s about time” is all he said. After conversing with Erick about what had
happened, they discovered that they had their own special “talents.” Tyler
has the ability to control metal; Jesse has the ability to freeze time, and
Erick interestingly enough: he could manipulate objects to do his bidding.
What they didn’t know is that they didn’t have just one special “talent,”
they soon discovered this in their third year of high school. Jesse found
out that they all could do a certain “talent” later in the year. They also
dubbed their dragon type transformations the “Draconian” forms.
Prologue
Jack only stood there, unable to believe what he was seeing. He raised the
Spas 12 he was holding in his hands, and aimed it towards the thing. What he
was watching was either the next step in human evolution or a mutant freak,
like those from the movie series X-men. The boy, who stood alone before
Jack, was transforming or mutating into something that vaguely resembles a
dragon of some sorts. The boy’s name is Tyler, and he was indeed
transforming into something, but first I will tell you how this came to be.
It all started when Tyler’s second year of high school was done, he finished
the tenth grade with average marks. During the summer vacation he was out in
the forest walking around when he spotted something. It wasn’t an ordinary
rock he told himself, when he inspected the area, where he spotted the weird
rock. But when he touched it that’s when his world was turned upside down.
Or had it? The moment he touched the rock it exploded, but with no noise, he
was knocked back twenty feet from the explosion. He got up and felt very
tired all of the sudden, so he went home to sleep.
When Tyler woke up the next day and put on his glasses he noticed something,
he didn’t need them. Slightly scared he went up stairs to have his morning
shower, when he took his shirt off in front of the mirror he noticed that he
was ripped than he had before (before he had somewhat of a muscular build to
him). This scared him because one does not simply gain muscles over night,
he learnt this from his father (who could easily be mistaken for a
wrestler), and Tyler had his shower. But then the phone rang and that’s when
everything went downhill. The person calling was Erick.
“What’s up Erick?” Tyler asked, “Nothing, just wanted to know if you wanted
to do anything,” Erick replied. “Hmmmm lets see…. Yea sure I’m doing nothing
today” Tyler had become aware that his shoulder blades were beginning to
irritate him, “I’ll go over to your house Erick.” “Ok see you soon.” With
that Erick hung up and Tyler went to get his mom. His mom didn’t notice
anything different about him, but when he asked, his mom noticed that he
wasn’t wearing his glasses. “Are you wearing your contacts?” Tyler’s mom
asked. “Yes” he lied. With that he was off to Erick’s house.
Tyler arrived at Erick’s house about the same time Jesse found something as
well.
Jesse, who was around five feet seven inches, was one of Tyler’s best
friends. He was also exploring the woods when, he found something as well.
To be honest he actually tripped on it. While Jesse was wandering about
thinking about other things, he tripped over a funny looking rock, he
wouldn’t realize it, but the rock was similar to the one Tyler found the day
before. So Jesse went to pick it up, the same thing happened to him: it
exploded. But he didn’t get knocked back twenty feet; he was only knocked
back five feet barely missing a tree. Meanwhile Tyler and Erick were in the
woods shooting at things with pellet guns, Erick went one way and Tyler went
the other, naturally they got lost.
Now it’s Erick’s turn to stumble upon this “rock.” Erick did so,
about the same time Tyler found out that he could use magic. Tyler was
staring at a puddle on the ground when he tried (just for the sake of
trying) to lift the water out of the hole, he almost screamed when he could.
At that same instant Erick shouted for Tyler saying something really weird
had just happened. Erick had touched the rock. After explaining what had
happened Tyler told Erick that he had touched a similar rock the day before.
Tyler’s back had become extremely itchy in the past few days.
Tyler went home later that day thinking about what had happened
during the day. Jesse however was more scared when he discovered that he
didn’t need glasses the next day. Erick was surprised when he saw that he
lost some weight but gained some in a good way, but very confused at the
same time. Back at his house Tyler discovered that he could read minds (how
he came to find this out is a closely guarded secret) and manipulate other
objects, like creating fire, controlling the air and the way it flows etc.
This was all in the month of July; near the end of the month they all
discovered that they could use magic.
Tyler, being the first to find the “rock” transformed first. It was around midnight and he was on the roof of his house star gazing, when his hand started to tremble, he looked at it stupidly. Expecting it to go away he dismissed it, but when he shone his light on his hand, he nearly fell off the roof. His hand, had turned into a
very dark colour, not close to black, but more brownish. He also noted that
his back was next door to exploding, in a space of seconds, everything on
him seemed to explode. First it was his fingers they shot out forwards,
becoming claws. Next was his face, it also shot out, but didn’t make claws,
it became a snout with very big teeth, which could possibly tear through
metal it seemed. During this Tyler was screaming, but no one could hear him:
there was no sound escaping his mouth. Next came the tail, his spine seemed
to have gotten extremely big, and shot out his back near his tailbone, at
first it was solid bone but then skin materialized out of nowhere on it.
Afterward Tyler thought it was done, he surveyed himself, he had grown
considerably, and he was now over eight feet tall, he had very large claws, his
hearing was improved, and he could smell things he had not smelt before. His
feet had turned into talons. Tyler had also looked upon himself; since the
moons light was very bright and noticed that his skin was dark. He also
noted that he was extremely muscular. But the transformation wasn’t done.
Tyler’s hand shot out towards his back, which was throbbing in
pain, it felt like something wanted out and it was big. He ripped open his
back not caring for the lost amounts of blood that would gush from his back,
yet to his surprise he didn’t feel bone protruding from his back: they were
wings. Tyler, who had successfully not awoken the neighbourhood with his
screaming, finally let out a very long scream. Turns out later, he didn’t
scream he let out a gigantic roar that only a dragon could make.
At about one in the morning after hearing a giant roar of rage.
Jesse’s transformation had begun as well, so did Erick’s but he didn’t hear
Tyler’s enraged roar. Tyler, having gone through a huge amount of pain,
wondered if he could fly, because lights were coming on in most of the
houses and he didn’t want to be seen. He crouched downwards and pushed off
the house roof and incredibly he leapt up to fifteen feet in the air, he
tried moving his wings; at first the wings didn’t move they only twitched,
then he focused on swinging his arms. That didn’t help at all, now he was
falling back towards earth, then he told himself to fly, and surprisingly it
worked. Tyler was about thirty feet above ground in the night, when he heard
a roar of anger himself. It came from the Crosby residence, were Jesse
lived. Tyler, curious of what happened flew towards Jesse’s house he flew
past at first. But Tyler reared back and landed in the front lawn when he
saw Jesse jump out the window; he noticed that Jesse was taller and broader.
Then it hit him: he had found a rock during the month as well.
Tyler walked over towards Jesse after the transformation was
complete; Jesse was startled at Tyler’s appearance. “What the hell are you
doing here?” Jesse shouted, to Tyler it almost sounded like rage. “Never
mind that I’ll tell you while we go to Erick’s house” Tyler simply replied.
After teaching Jesse how to fly, they flew towards Erick’s. “So, you’re
saying that the three of use may have some supernatural abilities or have
become something near god-like?” Jesse asked in a confused state. “Yes and
no, you see when you touched that rock; you gained a possible state of human
evolution.” Tyler replied, but it didn’t help Jesse one bit. “Yes… I see,
but why us?” Jesse replied. Tyler didn’t know why this had happened to them,
but it quickly came to him: “Fate” Tyler whispered. “Fate? Hmm… I don’t like
this Tyler.” Jesse said flatly. “Neither do I” he simply responded.
After they landed at Erick’s, they saw that the door was ripped
right out of the doorway. There were huge claw marks on the entranceway,
they looked inside and there was Erick sitting on the couch tail twitching.
“It’s about time” is all he said. After conversing with Erick about what had
happened, they discovered that they had their own special “talents.” Tyler
has the ability to control metal; Jesse has the ability to freeze time, and
Erick interestingly enough: he could manipulate objects to do his bidding.
What they didn’t know is that they didn’t have just one special “talent,”
they soon discovered this in their third year of high school. Jesse found
out that they all could do a certain “talent” later in the year. They also
dubbed their dragon type transformations the “Draconian” forms.
