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Then perhaps it's time you started fact checking before spouting off.

I would have given her a sporking if she knocked again, as it was she recognised my Awesome Power at the door and left without argument. I must admit to muttering 'Where's your god now?' when she got fired.

Would it be belittling if instead of using the tooth fairy and Father Christmas she asked why not Thor or Ra? They were every bit as legitimate as God with a capital G in their time and yet now they barely get lip service. What's the difference?

I've read it. It was pretty saucy considering the year in which it was written. Usually I hate the epistolary form, but there were enough different voices that it didn't grate on my nerves too much. Apart from that though, I read it so long ago that I don't remember many specifics.

Last year a couple of women knocked on the door, and one of them looked familiar so I gave them a smile. They said 'Hello' and I was just about to reply when I caught a glimpse of 'Jesus' written on what they were carrying. Before they could speak I'd already said 'Ugh' and shut the door on...

Wait. New Labour are left wing? UK Parties 2008

In Hurot Hall surrounded by drunk Vikings.

Don't listen to him. Read them all!

They look like Satan.

Ankle biters covers everyone that's ever been, so the rest of the sign seems a little redundant.

Had she run out of pickled onions?

How are you going to convict a corpse? And nope, I don't read the Guardian. Would you like to try again? ID cards are the same issue, no misdirection here. It's all supposed to protect us from The Terrorists, or did you not get the memo? Apparently there's no terrorism in countries with...

There would be one really fat goat.

To eat or for pranks? Black pudding is yummy. You missed out.

I think there's a special lining to prevent that sort of thing. But if you dent your can, all bets are off.

I've heard that too. If two of us know it then it must be a fact.

One neighbour on their own would be foolish to go against the neighbourhood goat protection squad. Which would be me. With a hammer.

They probably trashed the high priest's garden.

I want a neighbourhood goat. I figure there must be enough other people down my street that hate mowing who would be prepared to share a communal goat.