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Funnies... Sybil: 'I feel smirched and unclean, as though slimy things have been crawling all over me.' Elyot: 'Maybe they have, that's a very old chair.' (Noel Coward - Private Lives) 'And soddenly anon, Damyan gan pullen up hir smock, and in he throng' (Chaucer - Canterbury Tales)

Rob Long - Conversations with my agent/Set up-joke Not books about how to write but they really do give you a terrifying idea of what it's like when you can and do actually write and the delightful people you will come across. Likewise Joe Esterhasz's 'Hollywood Animal'. If you fancy a 'how-to'...

Joyce 'Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man' by Joyce is very good but I completely agree that Ulysses is turgid and impenetrable. If you want a hard book, which shows that even the best can have their off days, try getting through all 800 pages of 'Our Mutual Friend' by Charles Dickens. He...

What is publishing? It all boils down to marketing and the quality of what you produce. A vast no. of people - myself included - buy almost all of their books on the internet therefore having your book in every store is not essential. What is essential is to have a good product that you - the...

Chef's brains Wolf - despite what I thought about your weird novel, this is pretty good stuff. Ditch the novel, stick to this!

Ten minutes out of the West End my heart skipped a beat as I turned on my mobile telephone. It was Georgina and the messages were quick and garbled. ‘Jon. Call me back quickly, please.’ Beep. ‘Jon? You there? You must call me.’ Beep. ‘Jon? I’ll be at the hospital. Janine’s got the...

The weirdest novel... I think this would work if it was simply a short dream sequence where the narrator had just swallowed some bad magic mushrooms, but then wakes up and starts talking sense. If, however, this is the tone of the whole novel then it is drivel.

The debate This is a fascinating thread and if printed off and typeset I'm sure would make the beginnings of an excellent novel. I think that there is some merit to the initial poem posted here, not least because it has spawned a flurry of forum activity. If asked, honestly, would I like to...

Your poem Lose the word 'fright' in the last line and you have a truly excellent, moving poem.

Your poems I like where you're coming from and probably where you're going to even more. What about writing about something more specific that you don't like to think about let alone talk about. You'll find words creeping out from the strangest places...

I think it is a perilous leap from writing articles and short stories to writing a full blown novel (ie 70 - 100,000 words) which hangs together so well you can't see the joins. I speak from experience and I think the word 'completes' is key: I'm sure there are thousands and thousands of people...

Hi - Just finished reading The Rainmaker by John Grisham and I was pondering this question over my toast. Wanting to turn the page and stay up into the night to finish a book, by definition, means it is thrilling but does that necessarily mean that it is a thriller? Is it believable characters...

WW2 books Try 'JULIUS' by Brian Allen Levine - it's a first novel and it spans pre-war London, Nazi Germany and 1960sd Hollywood. I wrote a great review of it online and for some reason the moderator took it down. Hey ho! Mr Moderator, if you're reading this, good morning!