Hi, time for me to be brave again. I have started this particular story twice now, to see how it felt from 1st and 3rd person perspective. If anyone has any comments about the beginnings themselves - first impressions, grammar chat etc, I'd love to hear them. I'd also like to get a preference as to which people prefer.
Here's the one in 1st person:
I could feel the rare warmth of the sun beating against my back as I sat comfortably astride my Cavallo. Jihan dozed ostentatiously, one hind leg relaxed so that I felt in danger of slipping from his broad ebony back. He was doing it deliberately, since one of his ears had flopped back comically to listen for any sound of command; he was prepared to move in an instant. It was also unlikely that he would allow me to slip - Cavallos were immensely protective of their human partners, and Jihan more than most since we had been bonded later than others, at a time when he had started to wonder if he would ever be picked.
The sun had been playing hide-and-seek all day with soft cumulus clouds that were now turning darker. I expected rain and, to be honest, it would suit my mood better than this cheerful sunshine. After all, it's not every day that you leave the tribe that you were born to and the homeland that is connected to you thanks to the magic you wield.
Right now, that magic thrummed within me - pulsing through my veins, rich with wonder and linking me to the earth and every animal that wandered the tribal plainlands. If I quested towards the luminous source of my power, that had remained dormant for so many years, I would be able to sense the gossamer thin bond that stretched between Jihan and I as silver threads. In those times, my feelings and his would slip back and forth along the link. I'd suddenly feel a sense of deep contentment at the sensation of lush summer grass digesting in my belly; the annoyance of a nibbling fly would send me swishing a non-existent tail impatiently; the scent of a mare in season held charms almost beyond belief. I sometimes wondered what emotions Jihan had felt from me. Did he look with longing at the neat ankles of the prettier women in the Zohar tribe? I almost laughed out loud at the picture of my huge Cavallo peering from under his smoky bangs at a human woman in a lovesick manner. A shudder from Jihan's massive shoulders stirred me where I sat astride him - coincidence? Or had he sensed that thought?
And here's the one in 3rd person:
A rising wind soughed across the grasslands, rippling the golden, waist-length grass like an inland sea. All was motion and sighing noise. A lone horseman rode slowly through the emptiness upon a magnificent black stallion, silhouetted against the silvering sky. He reined in his mount and looked to the east, watching as the sun rose and sent pinky shafts of light across the featureless plain. Suddenly a couple of hares bounded across his line of vision, their elastic hindlimbs sending them above the feathery, seeded heads of the grass stems. The horseman's mount spooked slightly and half-reared, suggesting chase. The horseman whooped with delight, his hooded eyes and forbidding features relaxing into a smile, then released his dark mount in a gallop.
The stallion opened himself out in pursuit of the panicked hares, his mane and tail furling like smoke in the speed of his passage. He thundered across the plainlands, all power and grace, and only reluctantly came back under the plainsman's control. The man patted his horse's hot neck and turned his head once more to the south. The stallion snorted with what sounded like disgust.
"I know, my friend," said the horseman. "It is not desire that sends me into human lands; it is duty - and I think even you understand that."
Looking forward to hearing people's thoughts...
Mage
Here's the one in 1st person:
I could feel the rare warmth of the sun beating against my back as I sat comfortably astride my Cavallo. Jihan dozed ostentatiously, one hind leg relaxed so that I felt in danger of slipping from his broad ebony back. He was doing it deliberately, since one of his ears had flopped back comically to listen for any sound of command; he was prepared to move in an instant. It was also unlikely that he would allow me to slip - Cavallos were immensely protective of their human partners, and Jihan more than most since we had been bonded later than others, at a time when he had started to wonder if he would ever be picked.
The sun had been playing hide-and-seek all day with soft cumulus clouds that were now turning darker. I expected rain and, to be honest, it would suit my mood better than this cheerful sunshine. After all, it's not every day that you leave the tribe that you were born to and the homeland that is connected to you thanks to the magic you wield.
Right now, that magic thrummed within me - pulsing through my veins, rich with wonder and linking me to the earth and every animal that wandered the tribal plainlands. If I quested towards the luminous source of my power, that had remained dormant for so many years, I would be able to sense the gossamer thin bond that stretched between Jihan and I as silver threads. In those times, my feelings and his would slip back and forth along the link. I'd suddenly feel a sense of deep contentment at the sensation of lush summer grass digesting in my belly; the annoyance of a nibbling fly would send me swishing a non-existent tail impatiently; the scent of a mare in season held charms almost beyond belief. I sometimes wondered what emotions Jihan had felt from me. Did he look with longing at the neat ankles of the prettier women in the Zohar tribe? I almost laughed out loud at the picture of my huge Cavallo peering from under his smoky bangs at a human woman in a lovesick manner. A shudder from Jihan's massive shoulders stirred me where I sat astride him - coincidence? Or had he sensed that thought?
And here's the one in 3rd person:
A rising wind soughed across the grasslands, rippling the golden, waist-length grass like an inland sea. All was motion and sighing noise. A lone horseman rode slowly through the emptiness upon a magnificent black stallion, silhouetted against the silvering sky. He reined in his mount and looked to the east, watching as the sun rose and sent pinky shafts of light across the featureless plain. Suddenly a couple of hares bounded across his line of vision, their elastic hindlimbs sending them above the feathery, seeded heads of the grass stems. The horseman's mount spooked slightly and half-reared, suggesting chase. The horseman whooped with delight, his hooded eyes and forbidding features relaxing into a smile, then released his dark mount in a gallop.
The stallion opened himself out in pursuit of the panicked hares, his mane and tail furling like smoke in the speed of his passage. He thundered across the plainlands, all power and grace, and only reluctantly came back under the plainsman's control. The man patted his horse's hot neck and turned his head once more to the south. The stallion snorted with what sounded like disgust.
"I know, my friend," said the horseman. "It is not desire that sends me into human lands; it is duty - and I think even you understand that."
Looking forward to hearing people's thoughts...
Mage
I think you used three or four of them in the first sentence. Really, I agree with most of the writers on this forum: if you feel you have to use adverbs, then you probably don't have a strong enough verb. 