I wrote this when I was 16/17. A new interpretation of the well known folklore song.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…
Sweet Grace, my angel. Your sugary voice, so sweet, trickles over me like hot butter, cascading into my dreams. And those hands. Soft. Small. Slender. Always helping me. Always carrying me along.
My only wish is to be able to see you. I wish you were here, beside me, right now. But you’ve gone Grace. So now I’m alone. Lost. Except for Him. He’s always there. But my heart is breaking, my mind has been crossed, and all this would mend if only you came back. I don’t mean anything I do, anything I say. I admit it was my fault. I’m sorry. I’m hoping and wishing you’ll come back to me. But I know you won’t. I hurt you too much. I burnt your pride. I marked your unblemished cheek. I am sorry.
You were the perfect one Grace. Of all the 13 people who aided me, you come first. You were my saviour. They all helped me, but they didn’t understand. They didn’t devote their lives to me. They didn’t understand what it is like, not being able to see your beautiful world. Constantly in the darkness.
I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.
I am lost in the shadows. I so want to see your world Grace. I fear I never will. I stumble. I fall. And it all seemed to end, this terror, when you found me. I never wanted to let you go. But you left me. You found me, and then, I lost you. I know why you left. I can’t control it when it comes; the over-powerful pulsing of my heart, beating rage to my skull, curdling my blood. It flows over me like the boiling lava of a live volcano. I can’t stop it until my rage has been spent, when I have beaten Him. It’s not me. It’s my crossed mind, the inner person, controlling me. I know you won’t understand. It’ll all be over soon. I’ll be free from this perilous gloom, and I will finally have control. He will be gone. And I will finally see you, if you come back to me.
Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear and Grace that fear relieved…
It’s all over. The blackness has gone. And I’m scared. The luminosity of your world is more blinding than the darkness in mine. And your world is not as radiant as I first thought. It’s grey out here. I had dreamt of colours. Where are they now? And where are you Grace? I thought you’d be here, waiting for me. I know you’re somewhere close. I’ll just have to find you. I’ll wander to every sound, every smell, every touch. Searching.
It won’t be long now Grace. We’ll be together again soon. Just the two of us. Without Him.
How precious did that Grace appear, the hour I first believed.
The Garden. I remember it well. Full of perfect sounds and sensual smells. Soft grass under my feet, quiet wind blowing through my untamed hair, crisp fresh leaves whispering in my ears. But now: different. Hundreds of scruffy four legged animals on strings, pulling people along, and twice as many children screaming, picking wild animals from finger-like branches. Others ride on pieces of hardboard with four wheels stuck to the bottom, pushing themselves along with one foot, while they deafen themselves with mini mufflers. Your world is strange Grace.
And then I heard it: your sparkling laughter, floating on the breeze. And now I see you. I know which one is you. You are the one with dark emerald eyes, and shimmering curly honey hair. Your face: perfect. Flawless. So tall. So slender. So bright.
I walk over to you. You look up at me as my shadow is cast over your face. You don’t smile Grace. I thought you would have, seeing me like this. Alive. Alert. You do realise that I am sorry for what I did. It doesn’t show any more, on your tender face. You should forgive me. And you do. I know you do, because I’m a different person now. Seeing you has made Him leave me. You are my saint.
You take my hand, leave your friends behind. We walk together, you and I. And I am somehow forced to follow. You buy me clothes, new, smart robes. You tell me to go to try them on, and I do. I walk in.
There, on the wall, is a picture of a scruffy man. I walk towards it, and the man in the picture walks towards me. Closer. Closer. Closer until I can see into his dark eyes. He stares back. I can see right into his mind.
And see myself there.
The man is me. I look hideous. My skin is patched with grime. My hair; unclean. Long. Tangled.
I saw for the first time who I really was.
Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come…
And that is when I awoke. In the darkness. And He is here. Back again. I hate you Grace. You don’t understand me at all. How could you? You haven’t been blind your entire life. You’ve never stumbled. You’ve never felt the pain that I have had to endure. The fear is what hurts most. That I will never be loved, that I’ll be left behind. And I know you are going to do this. That is why I must stop you. Even if it takes my whole life.
Twas Grace that brought me safely thus far and Grace shall lead me home.
I don’t believe you when you say you will always be with me. You will never leave. And how could your sweet kisses on my dull eyes every night heal them. You have no cure, so I have no hope. You were wrong all along Grace. I dreamt of you and I believed I could see you and you kept me safe. But then you brought home the truth. I will never see. You know, and now I know, and you must stay here now, with us, so no-one else will know.
Now my heart is soaring, and the rage is filling my brain. If you had any heart Grace, you would come near us, where we can sense you, so we can dispose of this rage, and let everything be normal again. But you don’t care for me at all. I don’t even know why you stay.
And when this heart and flesh shall fail and mortal life shall cease…
I enter your room, and hear you sleeping. So graceful. I can hear your shallow breathing, sucking in life as you slumber. Your coiled hair is damp as the night is so hot and your soft skin is blistered with beads of sweat.
I feel for your plush lips and pour the sweet liquor between them, lifting your heavy head so you can swallow the capsules also. It may be some comfort to you Grace, that I held you close to my beating heart as you gasped your way to death.
I shall possess within the vail, a life of joy and peace.
I’m sitting with you Grace, and you’ve joined us in the darkness now. I slip a ring on your finger, and know that you wouldn’t have agreed if you were still in your own world. Your wonderful world. Full of exquisite, all-seeing people. But now you’re in ours, and we can all be together forever: just the three of us.
I pull the lid off your lipstick and brush the colour over your tense mouth. I place it down, and lean over and tenderly kiss your cold lips.
You’re mine now Grace. I shall never let you go.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…
Sweet Grace, my angel. Your sugary voice, so sweet, trickles over me like hot butter, cascading into my dreams. And those hands. Soft. Small. Slender. Always helping me. Always carrying me along.
My only wish is to be able to see you. I wish you were here, beside me, right now. But you’ve gone Grace. So now I’m alone. Lost. Except for Him. He’s always there. But my heart is breaking, my mind has been crossed, and all this would mend if only you came back. I don’t mean anything I do, anything I say. I admit it was my fault. I’m sorry. I’m hoping and wishing you’ll come back to me. But I know you won’t. I hurt you too much. I burnt your pride. I marked your unblemished cheek. I am sorry.
You were the perfect one Grace. Of all the 13 people who aided me, you come first. You were my saviour. They all helped me, but they didn’t understand. They didn’t devote their lives to me. They didn’t understand what it is like, not being able to see your beautiful world. Constantly in the darkness.
I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.
I am lost in the shadows. I so want to see your world Grace. I fear I never will. I stumble. I fall. And it all seemed to end, this terror, when you found me. I never wanted to let you go. But you left me. You found me, and then, I lost you. I know why you left. I can’t control it when it comes; the over-powerful pulsing of my heart, beating rage to my skull, curdling my blood. It flows over me like the boiling lava of a live volcano. I can’t stop it until my rage has been spent, when I have beaten Him. It’s not me. It’s my crossed mind, the inner person, controlling me. I know you won’t understand. It’ll all be over soon. I’ll be free from this perilous gloom, and I will finally have control. He will be gone. And I will finally see you, if you come back to me.
Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear and Grace that fear relieved…
It’s all over. The blackness has gone. And I’m scared. The luminosity of your world is more blinding than the darkness in mine. And your world is not as radiant as I first thought. It’s grey out here. I had dreamt of colours. Where are they now? And where are you Grace? I thought you’d be here, waiting for me. I know you’re somewhere close. I’ll just have to find you. I’ll wander to every sound, every smell, every touch. Searching.
It won’t be long now Grace. We’ll be together again soon. Just the two of us. Without Him.
How precious did that Grace appear, the hour I first believed.
The Garden. I remember it well. Full of perfect sounds and sensual smells. Soft grass under my feet, quiet wind blowing through my untamed hair, crisp fresh leaves whispering in my ears. But now: different. Hundreds of scruffy four legged animals on strings, pulling people along, and twice as many children screaming, picking wild animals from finger-like branches. Others ride on pieces of hardboard with four wheels stuck to the bottom, pushing themselves along with one foot, while they deafen themselves with mini mufflers. Your world is strange Grace.
And then I heard it: your sparkling laughter, floating on the breeze. And now I see you. I know which one is you. You are the one with dark emerald eyes, and shimmering curly honey hair. Your face: perfect. Flawless. So tall. So slender. So bright.
I walk over to you. You look up at me as my shadow is cast over your face. You don’t smile Grace. I thought you would have, seeing me like this. Alive. Alert. You do realise that I am sorry for what I did. It doesn’t show any more, on your tender face. You should forgive me. And you do. I know you do, because I’m a different person now. Seeing you has made Him leave me. You are my saint.
You take my hand, leave your friends behind. We walk together, you and I. And I am somehow forced to follow. You buy me clothes, new, smart robes. You tell me to go to try them on, and I do. I walk in.
There, on the wall, is a picture of a scruffy man. I walk towards it, and the man in the picture walks towards me. Closer. Closer. Closer until I can see into his dark eyes. He stares back. I can see right into his mind.
And see myself there.
The man is me. I look hideous. My skin is patched with grime. My hair; unclean. Long. Tangled.
I saw for the first time who I really was.
Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come…
And that is when I awoke. In the darkness. And He is here. Back again. I hate you Grace. You don’t understand me at all. How could you? You haven’t been blind your entire life. You’ve never stumbled. You’ve never felt the pain that I have had to endure. The fear is what hurts most. That I will never be loved, that I’ll be left behind. And I know you are going to do this. That is why I must stop you. Even if it takes my whole life.
Twas Grace that brought me safely thus far and Grace shall lead me home.
I don’t believe you when you say you will always be with me. You will never leave. And how could your sweet kisses on my dull eyes every night heal them. You have no cure, so I have no hope. You were wrong all along Grace. I dreamt of you and I believed I could see you and you kept me safe. But then you brought home the truth. I will never see. You know, and now I know, and you must stay here now, with us, so no-one else will know.
Now my heart is soaring, and the rage is filling my brain. If you had any heart Grace, you would come near us, where we can sense you, so we can dispose of this rage, and let everything be normal again. But you don’t care for me at all. I don’t even know why you stay.
And when this heart and flesh shall fail and mortal life shall cease…
I enter your room, and hear you sleeping. So graceful. I can hear your shallow breathing, sucking in life as you slumber. Your coiled hair is damp as the night is so hot and your soft skin is blistered with beads of sweat.
I feel for your plush lips and pour the sweet liquor between them, lifting your heavy head so you can swallow the capsules also. It may be some comfort to you Grace, that I held you close to my beating heart as you gasped your way to death.
I shall possess within the vail, a life of joy and peace.
I’m sitting with you Grace, and you’ve joined us in the darkness now. I slip a ring on your finger, and know that you wouldn’t have agreed if you were still in your own world. Your wonderful world. Full of exquisite, all-seeing people. But now you’re in ours, and we can all be together forever: just the three of us.
I pull the lid off your lipstick and brush the colour over your tense mouth. I place it down, and lean over and tenderly kiss your cold lips.
You’re mine now Grace. I shall never let you go.