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Dreamread [Version 1.0]

teadude

teadude

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This is one of the most ultimate threads ever known to man or woman, I am going to change my dreams into text...

This will probaly be one of my greatest book inventions EVER! Perhaps even better than The Four Word Story.

There is going to be a lot of thinking and hard work going into this project, so please, PLEASE, submit your comments about it, but remember, I don't write the story personally ... My mind does!

Version: 1.0

What I will do is I will keep a log in notepad of every dream I have and link them altogether, then at the end of every week I will submit all this weeks dreams into a story. I will be posting my weekly dreams in a red font so the dreams stick out from the comments. So please for comments, can you submit them in the normal colour font. Thanks!
 
Week 1

Week 1
It was a sunny day, but Jack decided he would stay in the shopping center. It was in the middle of spring, but that dosn't answer the question why there were christmas trees and presents in there. Jack's crush walked over to him in the lift.
"Hey Emma!" exclaimed Jack, staring into her blue eyes. "I was just wondering ... if you would like to go out with me?"
"Sure!" called Emma. For some odd reason her face and hair changed ugly. Jack didn't like her now so he ran outside to find that he was now on a mountain for some reason. He met his friend and they started heading down the path through the many green trees. A car appeared, it was Miss. Sheppard, there teacher.
"Get on in, I will take you to your house" smiled Miss Sheppard. Jack and tom got into the car and they started to drive through the trees over all the mountains. The car stopped outside the B+Q shop, Jack thought this was odd. Miss Sheppard and the car disappeared and Tom and Jack headed home over all the mountains and trees.
 
Teadude, is this the only place you put your books? Have you ever heard of fictionpress.com? It's free and it's a good place to get (usually) constructive criticism on your work.
You're very young, but you need to really flesh out your characters and your story. I have some questions about your writing, and you must understand your readers don't understand the character's reasoning unless you show us it.
Why was there no conversation between Jack and Emma before he popped the question? Why would he choose now to do it instead of school?
What are Jack's hobbies, interests? What is he like? What does he look like? Why does he like Emma?
If Jack likes Emma, why did he run, even if she was ugly? Did she do something else scary? Or is Jack just shallow, and does he really not care about Emma and just thinks she is good-looking?
What is Emma like? What does she look like? Does she like Jack?
Dream stories are all well and good, but don't make it your dream verbatim. Dreams are very short. Make them longer. Add details. Describe the emotions the person is going through.
P.S. All the other things after this were very random and didn't make much sense. I know it was a dream, but it doesn't capture interest, probably because it's not nearly detailed enough. This sounds like a synopsis of a story, not a story. Detail is the main thing you need to work on.
 
Hi teadude,
Check out the Dreamscapes writings by TBF member klemske. He does a good job of getting the strangeness of dreams across; when read in the order they were posted, you can see how they steadily improve.
 
ValkyrieRaven88 said:
Teadude, is this the only place you put your books? Have you ever heard of fictionpress.com? It's free and it's a good place to get (usually) constructive criticism on your work.
You're very young, but you need to really flesh out your characters and your story. I have some questions about your writing, and you must understand your readers don't understand the character's reasoning unless you show us it.
Why was there no conversation between Jack and Emma before he popped the question? Why would he choose now to do it instead of school?
What are Jack's hobbies, interests? What is he like? What does he look like? Why does he like Emma?
If Jack likes Emma, why did he run, even if she was ugly? Did she do something else scary? Or is Jack just shallow, and does he really not care about Emma and just thinks she is good-looking?
What is Emma like? What does she look like? Does she like Jack?
Dream stories are all well and good, but don't make it your dream verbatim. Dreams are very short. Make them longer. Add details. Describe the emotions the person is going through.
P.S. All the other things after this were very random and didn't make much sense. I know it was a dream, but it doesn't capture interest, probably because it's not nearly detailed enough. This sounds like a synopsis of a story, not a story. Detail is the main thing you need to work on.
Click to expand...
Sorry for saying this but, did you EVEN READ the first post? Its a dream! I don't exactly make it, I only write what happens!!! And in dreams you cant tell exactly everything that happened and what people look like ect.
 
Sometimes, when you come across a very interesting or exciting dream, it's better to develop the characters and story more fully rather than just leave it the way you remember it. Usually when people write based on dreams, the dreams serve as the inspiration behind the storyline. Then it's the writer's responsibility to use his/her conscious imagination and develop whatever has been left undeveloped. A dream can turn into something great, but any potential is wasted if it is not taken further by the writer. Maybe this was not what you were aiming for in the creation of the thread, but without more depth to the story, it serves no purpose and is nothing but a collection of fragments of memories. If you can put together these pieces, your dreams and visions will make a lot more sense to rest of the world. If you are just aiming to get your dreams down somewhere, then carry on. But dreams are generally ambiguous. They don't always make sense. That means that most people probably won't be interested in reading it, because there is not plot and no personality.

I'm hope I'm not offending you in any way, because that is not my aim, nor is it to criticize(sp?) you. But this dream could be taken much further than it is currently being taken. Dreams in themselves don't necessarily have any reason to them. I know mine don't. Perhaps you could do better to add reason to them. Good luck with whichever way you go.
 
Thank you veggiedog, that's exactly the point I was trying to make. A dream itself isn't interesting; it doesn't make a story. You need to spice it up a little.
P.S. You might try to add in symbolism? I don't know, like a man trying to break a picture of someone he hates, and realizes it is a reflection on a mirror of himself might be symbolic. But I just pulled that out of nowhere; think of things that are symbolic to you.
 
teadude said:
Week 1
It was a sunny day, but Jack decided he would stay in the shopping center. It was in the middle of spring, but that dosn't answer the question why there were christmas trees and presents in there. Jack's crush walked over to him in the lift.
"Hey Emma!" exclaimed Jack, staring into her blue eyes. "I was just wondering ... if you would like to go out with me?"
"Sure!" called Emma. For some odd reason her face and hair changed ugly. Jack didn't like her now so he ran outside to find that he was now on a mountain for some reason. He met his friend and they started heading down the path through the many green trees. A car appeared, it was Miss. Sheppard, there teacher.
"Get on in, I will take you to your house" smiled Miss Sheppard. Jack and tom got into the car and they started to drive through the trees over all the mountains. The car stopped outside the B+Q shop, Jack thought this was odd. Miss Sheppard and the car disappeared and Tom and Jack headed home over all the mountains and trees.
Click to expand...

I'll give you an example of what I mean by what I said above. Nobody make fun of me or face my wrath!! I have every excuse to be terrible at writing, including a string of clueless English teachers for the past five years.


It was a sunny day, but Jack wasn't in the mood for playing basketball. Nor was he in the mood for football or soccer. He trudged about the air conditioned local mall, dazed with the heat. Half-formed thoughts flitted through his mind. Christmas trees and present displays had been set up throughout, and Jack didn't question them, despite the fact that spring was already diving into summer.

In the elevator on his way to the food court, Jack ran into a classmate. Emma was a gorgeous girl, and she knew it better than anyone. Tossing her hair, cellphone jammed to chin, filing polished nails, she was the epitome of the skinny, tanned, wealthy all-American girl.

"Uh...hi Emma..." he began awkwardly.
She quickly glanced at him with annoyance--him with the thick glasses, the long pimply face. Him with the suspenders and too-short pants that constituted a nerd. Her upper lip sneered slightly, and she turned away to talk to her boyfriend on the phone.

Jack was undeterred. "Emma, I've meaning to...uh...ask you this for a long time. Will you...uh...would you, that is--"

"Shut up, will you? Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Emma hurled her nail filer at him and spoke into her phone, "No, Brad, nobody's harrassing me. Just some disgusting freak. Ugh. I know..."

Jack turned red with anger and blinked back tears. But suddenly, he saw Emma's carefully constructed face contort into something bizarre. Tentacles grew from her head, boils erupted on her face. Her eyes had turned blood red, her fingers turned gnarled and bony.

That was the day Jack discovered that he had an amazing ability. He could see people for who they were based on the inside. And he could change them so that their outside appearance reflected their hearts...


You get the gist, right? Just develop some of your ideas. As you can see above ^ Valkyrie agrees (and I believe she is a writer). You have the right idea though.
 
LOL. No one's laughing at you, veggiedog, that was actually very good. I'd give it at least an 8 out of 10, if not more. Teadude, you don't have a bad idea, but you need to flesh things out. I actually love stories that resemble dreams.
 
Okay thanks for all your advice. I am restarting the topic so please can a mod delete this one? Thanks :)
 
teadude said:
Okay thanks for all your advice. I am restarting the topic so please can a mod delete this one? Thanks :)
Click to expand...

Yay!!! :D
You can also PM a mod to deal with it, if they somehow miss it.
 
teadude said:
Okay thanks for all your advice. I am restarting the topic so please can a mod delete this one? Thanks :)
Click to expand...
I think you should. This isn't necessarily a bad idea, but it could have been presented in a better way. But you're only 13, right? You've got a LONG time to get better. I can't imagine what my writing looked like when I was 13. It takes practice, and I think you have the will to practice. ^-^
 
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