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Fantasy Novel

Mera'din

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This is a fantasy novel I'm working on. I don't know if would be considered a "novel", though. Anywho, check it out, see if you like it. I've already written eight chapters, but I'll post them one by one for C&C. This is by far my most successful attempt at a story so far, so be gentle. Feel free to comment on any grammar/spelling mistakes. I'm going to add a pronunciation guide after every chapter for important new names/words that are mentioned, just so I know you're reading it right ;)
 
(I have to split this up into multiple posts so it will fit, so don't be angry about my double or triple posting; I'm not here for a high post count ;))

Chapter One

West of the Cirenthel Mountains, a delicate breeze cut through the scattered clumps of trees laid randomly across the plains of Leuss. Leaves of orange and red detached from their branches, following the lure that was the wind. They flew in all directions, spiralling upwards then gently floating down, only to once again be caught in the swirling current. The color of the trees suggested a change in season. Summer was being left behind, leaving room for fall to make its appearance. An azure sheet had been blanketed across the sky, merging with the bright orange flow radiating from the globe that rested halfway above the horizon.

A series of small hills rose from the earth, forming a crescent shape that encased a quaint house. The breeze bent the grass in waves as it surpassed the hills and met the home behind them. Plain white curtains fluttered softly inside an open window that allowed the cool morning air to penetrate the household. A leaf that had remained captured in the wind was carried through the opening. It came to rest in the hair of a young man who lay asleep.
The invading leaf stirred the youth, and his eyes slowly fluttered open. Crow d’Auru yawned, shutting his eyes once more from the sun’s persistent shine. He reached up to his sandy brown hair and retrieved the leaf that had woken him. Still adjusting to the light, he held it before him. When it came into focus, he blinked, as if it were out of place. He had not fully realized until now that autumn was no longer approaching, and now rested outside his home and all over Leuss. The relaxing summer days would not return for another year, he admitted to himself reluctantly.

Letting another yawn escape his lips, Crow swung his legs out from beneath the quilt his father had made him, and sat up on the edge of his bed. He stretched his muscles, shivering despite the fall warmth, partly from the cold boards beneath his feet, and partly from the breeze that left strands of hair strewn over his eyes. After standing, he reviewed his appearance in the mirror across the room. His hair was a mess, and as always, his pale green eyes stared back at him. Those had always caught him a fair bit of attention. Most people were born with blue or brown eyes. Only once every few years had a child been born with green eyes, or so his father had told him. He still wasn’t sure whether he did so to make Crow feel unique or different.

It wasn’t until he began thinking of his father that he realized the usual smell of eggs and bacon he had grown accustomed to each morning was absent. Curious, Crow threw on a clean linen shirt and a pair of faded cotton pants before exiting his room. As he had expected, the house was silent. Nothing in the kitchen had been moved from its place the night before, and the shutters in the den were still shut. He made his way through to the back of the house, not necessarily worried, but still unsettled. When he came to his father’s room, he paused, listening through the thick oak door. For a few moments, it was as silent on the other side as the rest of the house. Finally, Crow heard blankets being ruffled, accompanied by the soft squeaking of a bed. He sighed in relief, unsure of what exactly had had been expecting. His hand found the brass door handle, but before opening, he tapped softly on the hard wood. Again, his father stirred, and he heard a hoarse response that sounded like, “Come in, Crow.”

The door swung open, and crow found himself looking down at a pale, sickly imitation of Balen d’Auru. Despite his appearance, his father was smiling, the same one he wore every day. Whether it was forced or not, Crow was unsure.

“Father, are you alright?” Crow inquired, kneeling next to the bed with a concerned expression. “You don’t look too well.”

Balen dismissed the state with the wave of his hand. “Nonsense. I’ve just caught some bug going around the village. I’ll be up before morning’s done, with a little rest.” His voice sounded strained. “Before that, even, if you’ll ride down to Arren and fetch some herbs from Emlain.” Arren lay less than twenty minutes south on horseback. It could be called Crow and Balen’s home, since they went there every day for food and other supplies. They were friends with the majority of the friendly villagers, partially because Balen was the village’s tailor, and a good one at that.

Crow stood, no longer worried. “Of course. I’ll be back in an hour, less if Emlain doesn’t have to prepare the remedy. What’s ailing you, so I know what to request?”

With a grunt of effort, Balen pushed himself into a sitting position, readjusting his pillow against the headboard. “A bit of a fever, I think, and a terrible headache.” He massaged his temples with his hands as he spoke. “She’ll most likely suggest hare’s breath, or leafsoul. Here,” He reached over to his bedside table and pulled open a drawer, removing three silver coins from a small leather drawstring purse. “This should cover the cost of the medicine, and a little more. See if Allaron has any black thread she can spare, and use what’s left of that to buy a spool or two, if she has. I’ve got to finish Tiemlo’s coat before he leaves for Esereth in a few days.”

Nodding in assent, Crow took the coins. He hugged Balen, then, after donning his boots from his room, left the house and headed for the stable where his nearly all black mare, Artag, was just beginning to feed on a bale of hay. The horse had champion legs and ran like the wind blew. Crow saddled her, and a few minutes later, was trotting down the dirt road that led to Arren.

The air had become more still, and the day’s heat became more evident as Crow made his way south. Each year summer seemed to last longer, carrying its weather late into the season. He did not have to ride long in the warm conditions before he topped a large hill and found himself gazing down at Arren. The village was full of activity. A group of children played a game that only they seemed the understand in a garden at the edge of town; a plump young woman hung dripping clothes from a line to dry; a small collection of elderly folk sat lazily on a porch, smoking pipe tobacco and conversing in cheerful tones. Arren was his home, and had been for as long as he could remember. Balen had once told him how they moved out of Taius to seek a quieter home. Crow had been young, then, and remembered nothing the busy nation his father had described to him.

Heeling Artag on, Crow rode into the village. He passed the tavern and inn, where Tiemlo’s wife, Amerra, leaned over the balcony, admiring the day. She waved to him with a smile, and he called out hello. The general store, a story shorter than the inn but nearly half again as wide, sat next in line, and Crow directed Artag to the front, where he dismounted and tied the reigns firmly to a wooden post. He fed the mare a sugar cube then made his way inside.

The store was quiet in the mornings, usually gathering most of its business late in the afternoon. A dozen or more rows of shelves filled the large structure, supporting various foods and other items that were purchased from Esereth and the other larger cites and towns in Leuss. He found the threads quickly, but could locate the spool Balen required. Hopefully a shipment would arrive that week, or else he would not be able to finish Tiemlo’s coat in time. Crow was about to leave the store when he heard Allaron’s melodious voice from behind. “Couldn’t find what you were looking for?”

Crow turned around to see the tallest woman he believed he would ever see. She stood behind the counter, nearly a head taller than he, and he was considered tall among Leussian men. She was handsome rather than pretty, but she carried a beautiful voice that had pleased more than one Arren resident each festival. Perhaps that was what had managed to persuaded Shael, one of the most attractive men in Arren, to marry her. More than a few girls still felt contempt against her for stealing him away. “Aye,” he approached the counter. “When do you expect the next delivery of thread spools?”

Allaron shrugged. “Next week, I’d say, although I suppose I can manage in three or four days if it’s urgent. For Balen, I assume?”

He nodded, reaching into his pocket for the silver. “It is urgent. Would it be better to pay you now? Or when would be the best time to return?”

The tall woman seemed about to speak, and then paused for a moment. She seemed to be thinking to herself. Finally she spoke, “Does it have to be particularly good quality? Or will any sort do?” The questioning look on Crow’s face hinted that he was unsure. “Well, if not… hold on a moment. She retreated into the back of the store, and returned a few seconds later, wrapping a long black thread around an empty spool. “I was planning on using this for a dress, but I don’t have a time limit like Balen usually does.” When crow tried to pay Allaron for it, she shook her head defiantly. “No charge. It’s not coming out of inventory, and you and Balen have always been loyal customers. Be sure to give my regards to your father.”

As graciously as possible, Crow accepted the gift and with a quick goodbye, left the store. He untied Artag’s reigns and began his ride farther into the village. He passed many houses, greeting several people, including travelers who were just making their way through the town. As he rode past the blacksmith’s forge, Mërth Be’elmin exited the large opening in the front, sweating profusely and breathing hard. The rhythmic sound of a hammer on metal echoed from inside. The blacksmith probably had his apprentice, Loman, working until every muscle in his body ached.
 
“Hail, Crow!” Mërth called out him through his labored breathing, wiping a thick layer of grime from his forehead and smearing it on his apron. “What brings you back to Arren this early? Surely you and Balen haven’t already eaten through so much of the food you purchased yesterday that you can’t even make breakfast.”

Laughing at the thought, Crow brought Artag to a halt closer to the smith. “No, father’s just grown ill since last night. I’m just here to see Emlain about a remedy.”

“Sick, you say?” The sinewy man stroked his grizzled chin in thought. “If I remember correctly, Jayla and her daughter Elliel have fallen ill, and Tanco as well. Seems to be some sort of sickness spreading through here. My bet would be that it’s from one of those dirty beggars who come through here every so often.”

“Aye, that’s what father said.” Crow looked around the village. People here rarely got sick in masses, and he didn’t want to risk catching anything. Still, he enjoyed speaking with friends, no matter how often he saw them. He gestured with a nod of his head to the forge where the ringing continued its periodic tempo. “What’s got you and Loman working so hard?”

Mërth sighed heavily, looking very tired all of the sudden. “We received an order from Esereth yesterday for fifty new blades.”

Crow’s jaw fell. “Fifty?” He managed to voice the number, and it still seemed surreal. Esereth’s defensive force, the Llumin, consisted of several hundred highly trained swordsmen. They rarely accepted newcomers, and even they were given new swords made by a hired blacksmith from the city. Ordering from Mërth was no surprise; his skill was unquestionable. But fifty new blades seemed excessive for even a city smith. After regaining his composure, Crow inquired further, “What could the Llumin want with fifty new swords? That would have to mean they’ve ordered just as many, if not more, from other blacksmiths around Leuss, if they’re coming to a small town like Arren for aid.”

“You’re asking the wrong person.” Mërth seemed ready to continue speaking, but a loud crash from inside the forge startled both of them, and an even louder curse followed. The smith bid Crow farewell and raced back inside. “What did you break this time, you steel-headed fool?”

It was all Crow could do to suppress a chuckle, although no one would have heard him. Loman was rather clumsy, a trait no blacksmith wanted. The fool was so determined to be just like his mentor though, that Mërth could not turn him down. Crow heeled Artag back into the road, the sounds of the apprentice’s explanation trailing behind him.

A few minutes more ride brought Crow to the front of a building separated from the rest. It was a timid little house, with an almost ancient appearance. Crow dismounted and tied up Artag before knocking on oak door with wistful clouds and other bizarre shapes and forms. A muffled “Come in” escaped from inside, and Crow turned the knob. He was immediately overwhelmed with a variety of incense, the noxious fumes tantalizing him and drawing him in. No one but Emlain herself could stand the mix of aromas for very long, and sure enough, Crow found the Healer seated on the floor at a low table, pouring over dozens of parchments containing notes. Various small plants and weeds of all colors surrounded her. “Ah, Crow! Good morning to you, boy. To what do I owe the pleasure so early?” Her bright blue eyes, although in reality normal sized, appeared nearly three times larger behind her thick-rimmed glasses. Added with her frayed hair, and wild, almost artificial smile, and she seemed virtually inhuman.

His eyes watering from the heavy smoke, Crow made his way to the table and seated himself on the opposite side. It was all he could do not to cough. “Good morning Emlain. I’ve just come to see you about a cure for my father. He’s caught some sort of illness.”

Emlain nodded, and she began sorting through her papers, looking for something. With all of the sheaves spread out across the table, she no doubt had been looking for some time. “Fallen ill? With a fever and a headache, looking all ghostly and such? Yes, yes... I’ve been hearing about such a sickness for the past day or two. Jayla, Embla, Megrür… all with the same conditions.”

“Tanco too, according to Mërth,” Crow added. “Is there any way to prevent myself from catching the illness as well?”

“Poor Tanco Feild?” She went on, ignoring his question. “The cobbler, right? I always assumed him to be some sort of hermit, what with the little time he spends out and about in the village.”

Crow rolled his eyes, not worried whether the Healer would take offense. The eccentric woman was always making unjustified assumptions and claims; she was good at what she did, though, and every so often she managed to give some good advice. Arren appreciated her, despite her odd qualities. “Well, what sort of herb have you given to the others?”

“I haven’t yet,” She muttered under her breath. “Ah, here it is!” She withdrew a sheet of parchment from her pile. Crow had trouble reading its contents through the haze in the room. “I’ve been searching for this for some time now, the perfect concoction for this recent wave of poor health.” Before Crow could ask what it was, she hushed him with a quick hand gesture, looking at him as if he were a naughty child. “Feverfew is an old remedy passed down to me from my aunt, who received it from her mother, who received it from the daughter of Gehelbane herself!”

As she reminisced, Crow sat patiently, watching Emlain work. She gathered several herbs and plants, picking off leaves here, severing stems there. “Gehelbane, now she was a true Healer. She could Heal anything but death itself, or so my Aunt Illari told me.” She tossed everything into a bowl and began grinding it into mush with a round-headed stone. “Pity how she died, though. Fell ill with a most deadly disease traveling through the Cirenthel Mountains. It was easily curable though, and she wouldn’t have had any trouble doing so if those desolate mountains carried all of the ingredients. If I remember correctly, she was only missing the spores of mushroom that’s native to Taius.” She appeared extremely heartbroken for a moment before regaining her composure, turning her attention back to the potion before her. “Just a few more times around…” The leaves and stems had been reduced to a dark purple mush. Her wrinkled hand placed the stone on the table and retrieved a white stone vial from the shelf behind her. Unstopping it, she let two drops of some yellowish liquid fall into the bowl. Several wisps of smoke floated up from where they had hit, and the room was suddenly filled with a pleasant fragrance that momentarily rid Crow of the irritating incense.

With a satisfied smile that didn’t look too different from her typical one, Emlain distributed the contents of the bowl into ten stone vials. She tossed one to Crow, who just barely managed to catch it, and placed the others on the shelf. Crow found the silver coins in his coat pocket and set two of them on the table in front of the Healer. “Will this be enough to pay for it?”

For a moment, Emlain stared at the coins as if she had not expected payment, but that passed almost immediately and she snatched the silver tokens up off the table. “Well, feverfew requires several leaves from calendula, and that alone should cost two or three silver, but I suppose I’ll let it slide this time.” Crow was not sure whether she was bring serious or simply her old peculiar self. “I’ll wish your father recovers quickly, Crow.”

“Thank you Emlain.” He opened the door to the fresh air outside, and took as deep a breath as he could. The clean smell of Arren was much better than the intoxicating aromas brooding in the Healer’s home. Tendrils of smoke still leaked out from the base of the door and trailed behind him as he made his way back to Artag. He thought he could hear Emlain talking to herself about Gehelbane’s accomplishments.

Finally, I can get back to my father, he thought as he mounted his steed. He had been in Arren nearly an hour now, and Balen would be expecting him home. Hopefully the medicine would take effect quickly, so that he would not need to rest all day.
 
On the way back through town, Crow saw fewer people, but still acknowledged those he did. Ablian, a friend of Balen's; Jurdan, the local entertainer and storyteller; he even spotted Genrich, a peddler who visited Arren often. To all of them he called out hello and waved, and they returned his greeting. Crow realized how glad he was that he lived near such a friendly atmosphere.

As he drew near to the inn, his eyes fell upon a horse stationed at the front. It was a gorgeous steed with a white coat that was so near to silver. Crow's brow creased and he slowed Artag's pace to better examine the creature. No horse he had ever seen was clean cut or smooth as the one he gazed at now. Attempts to see the rider through the windows failed, and he eventually sighed and gave up. He quickened his horse's step, eager to get the feverfew to Balen.

The ride back seemed to take longer than on the way there, but twenty or so minutes after leaving the village, Crow was unsaddling Artag in the stable. Sweat glistened on his forehead from the rising heat as he entered the house. "Father, I've got the medicine!" He shouted.

"Ah, good boy." Balen appeared from the kitchen, carrying a cup with steam rising from its contents. He took a delicate sip before speaking again. "Gray tea. Always good for a headache. Come; let me see what Emlain has prescribed." His face looked more colorful than it had, and Crow felt relieved that the illness was nothing serious.

"Of course." Reaching into his coat pocket, he retrieved the stone vial and handed it to his father. "You were wrong, by the way. Emlain prepared you some feverfew."

"Feverfew?" Balen looked puzzled. "I haven't heard of using that for a headache and fever ever since leafsoul was discovered. I thought feverfew was weaker. Oh well, I suppose a Healer would know better than I." He unstopped the vial and tipped the open end over his tea. The purple concoction swirled around in the gray liquid and dissolved almost immediately. Balen lifted the cup to his lips and took another sip, cringing in distaste. "It tastes worse than leafsoul, I know that. Well, Crow, I think I'm going to take a nap and let this cure time to take effect. Make sure you get your chores done before you go running off." He added the last part when he saw Crow reaching for the door handle. "I don't think you need me to remind you more than once." With that, Balen retreated to his room, leaving Crow in the doorway looking insulted.

=============
End of Chapter One
 
I will reply more indepth later, as it is a lot to read. things that turn me off in fantasy settings are rediculous names, little thought given to 'other' languages, ideas overdone, and poor writing.

i don't see much of that here. your names are good, clearly fantasy, but not immature thoughtless names. your way of writing is good as well, flows well, and will be better with minor changes that experience will give.

what i saw at first, is that i think i will be able to read the whole thing, it has drawn me in, i am just tired and can't concentrate at the time, i look foward to the debate.

crabs><>
 
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