Footsteps

[tommydarascal]

This is my latest work, please, please comment! Everything you say is helpful! Thanks.

Footsteps

Footsteps.
Please, no more.
I couldn’t deal
With another slam,
A tumble to the floor.

Footsteps.
Please, don’t roar.
My ears are hurting –
Really bad –
And they’re hurting more and more.

Footsteps.
Please, let there be light.
The darkness is crushing,
Deceiving,
Let there be … let there be sight.

Footsteps.
Please, kill me quick.
Swiftly swipe a blade,
Whisper it across my neck,
Make it slick.

Footsteps.
Please, stop the blood.
I feel it trickling,
Tickling,
Down my body in rivers,
Or maybe a flood.

Footsteps. No more.

Please, just hit me … get it out of the way.
Do it quick, please, don’t take all day.
Please … I can’t see you, make a sound.
I just need to know you’re there … you don’t have to be found.
Please turn off the light … I don’t like what I see,
Blood – everywhere – drilled into my memory.
Please, don’t kill me; I don’t want to die,
Just hit me – anything – you can make me cry.
Please, please, you can make me bleed.

As long as I’m alive,
My worries are freed …

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

I liked it. I could definitely feel the speaker's fear. It was very vivid. The only thing that threw me off was that it was implied in part of the poem the speaker would rather die quickly than have to listen to the footsteps (or, wait for his/her death to come), but at the end of the poem it says that living takes away the speaker's fear. Maybe clarify this? ^^

 

[tommydarascal]

Thanks ValkyrieRaven88

In the poem I was trying to show how, when fear is increased, we start to dismiss niceties that we may have wished for earlier, and end up caring only for your life.

When the footsteps stop, it is a sudden change, and the narrator is scared by this. They know that the person is close, and wants to kill her. And it is then that all they care about is their life, whereas before when there wasn't as much danger they were itchy about loads of things.

I don't know whether I explained that well, but, in short, I was trying to draw a direct contrast between what the narrator wanted before the murderer or whoever was there, and when they were close ...

I hope this helps

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

Ah, I see. This isn't the first thing you've posted here. The other poem also seemed to relate to abuse in some way. I haven't experienced such a thing, but you seem to have the talent to make me feel I know such emotions.

 

[tommydarascal]

Thanks a lot

 

[stigmaticman]

I feared death like that once
yeah it was scary but it made me a better man

it reminds me of a psalm
"Lord teach me to number my days"