For the last couple of weeks, ive had a hobbit tied up in my basement. But I'm having company over for dinner. Whats the best way to cook him? I was thinking something along the lines of using kraft marinating sauce, but then again, i thought better of that when i remebered that one one of my guests is allergic to cheap zellers products.So then i started thinking of feeding it spam gelatine( because it makes them soft on the inside), untill that damned PETFC( people for the ethical treatment of fat little creatures) came over and asked me to hand it over. I screeamed no and did a jacky chan like kung fu kick, and kicked all their sorry asses out the door.Who do they think they are?? Im goignt o serve him for dinner , gelatine enriched or not! By then of course, the hobbit had tried to escape, which I stoped immediately by branding him with the iron i stole from that farm. Now he has Grade A Beef branded all over him!so, when it was again in captrivity, it was gandlaf and me off on a 12 hr relaxation and massage make over at a spa in the the trendier district of Middle Earth. when i came home,, i realized i still didnt know how to cook that hobbit, and now in a frantic lastminute dash inqurieing you people to tell me how( think of it just ike a peice of chicken.)oH! s***, that geezer gandalf ( and my first guest) is here! I need help, PRONTO!