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how to skin and eat a hobbit?

Discussion in 'Sci-Fi, Fantasy, & Horror Books' started by spaz, Jul 16, 2002.

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  1. spaz

    spaz New Member

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    For the last couple of weeks, ive had a hobbit tied up in my basement. But I'm having company over for dinner. Whats the best way to cook him? I was thinking something along the lines of using kraft marinating sauce, but then again, i thought better of that when i remebered that one one of my guests is allergic to cheap zellers products.So then i started thinking of feeding it spam gelatine( because it makes them soft on the inside), untill that damned PETFC( people for the ethical treatment of fat little creatures) came over and asked me to hand it over.
    I screeamed no and did a jacky chan like kung fu kick, and kicked all their sorry asses out the door.Who do they think they are?? Im goignt o serve him for dinner , gelatine enriched or not!
    By then of course, the hobbit had tried to escape, which I stoped immediately by branding him with the iron i stole from that farm. Now he has Grade A Beef branded all over him!so, when it was again in captrivity, it was gandlaf and me off on a 12 hr relaxation and massage make over at a spa in the the trendier district of Middle Earth.
    when i came home,, i realized i still didnt know how to cook that hobbit, and now in a frantic lastminute dash inqurieing you people to tell me how( think of it just ike a peice of chicken.)oH! s***, that geezer gandalf ( and my first guest) is here! I need help, PRONTO!
     
  2. bebe

    bebe kickbox

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    okay, try letting it thaw for a couple of hours...

    my advice would be to first cook it in the oven for about 30 min. at 670 degrees lightly salted and peppered, and then freeze it in the freezer for about 5 minutes (to get the skin tasting just right) and then let it thaw a bit in a puddle of soy sauce and crushed garlics, with a hint of rosewater and saffron, to give it some of that martha stewart taste (unless, of course you hate martha and then you can call it any cook you like) then, take it out and microwave for about 45 seconds, and voila, a hobbit a la spaz! -B

    just my personal way of cooking hobbit....you may have to find some excuse for those "grade A beef" brandings all over your meal, though...
     
  3. spaz

    spaz New Member

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    good point...

    hmmmm... that DOES present a problem, doesnt it? maybe i could put those little turkey hats on his feet and hands, to cover up Some of the markings..but what abut the rest of him? im running out of time!
     
  4. TownBear

    TownBear New Member

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    'cuse me... a hobbit?
    lol
     
  5. TownBear

    TownBear New Member

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    omgggggg i've cracked.. first bebe with the richard simmons thing lolllllll
    now we're talkin about cookin hobbits lmaoooooooooooooooooo
    i'm on the floor trying to type this! lolllll
     
  6. spaz

    spaz New Member

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    its a serious problem! i dont appreciate your smart ass comments, mister/ missy. im working on a DEADLINE here!
     
  7. bebe

    bebe kickbox

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    yes, townbear...your unthoughtful comments are not appreciated!

    can't you see that spaz is holding this dinner to impress? I mean, what would you do if you had a huge dinner party for numerous fat, greedy little people that came just for sake of gobbling up hours time of cooking and shopping? i think you would want to cook up a pretty fine meal! hobbit was a great choice, because they are such a delicacy in those small japanese fishing villages in my former life, where I was a one eyed catfish living in a fisherman's pond. (damn those nasty japanese brats...always trying to read me poetry in my "quiet hours") and just a question here....do you have some kind of finger muscle problem because you seem to hold down your finger on one key for an abnormal amount of time. i think next time you should try just tying once. :) -B


    by the way, I was a magical catfish. ;)
     
  8. spaz

    spaz New Member

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    ouch!

    whew, bebe doesnt hold back!
    but seriously, i have to give this diner soon, what am i supposed to do???? hes been spaiced, but it just isnt right. i need some pointers!
     
  9. TownBear

    TownBear New Member

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    well.. if u r talkin about a book ur writing... u posted in it the general chat
    so... as far as general chat goes.. what the HE** is a hobbit? lolllllll
     
  10. bebe

    bebe kickbox

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    toby would punch ya for that...

    haha, in fact, he's probably sending townbear a long, desciptive (and mildly patronising, being the tolkein obsessed person he is) on the history, appearence and every single useless factoid about what a hobbit is. **shudder** watch out townbear....you're going to have to get ready for a tirade....you vs. toby. (now i would pay to see that, folks ) :p But don't worry, if toby gets really stupid (or tries something "intellectual", me and spaz will help you out with our amazing wits and unsurpassable intelligence :D ) -B

    it's good to be a team. ;)
     
  11. bebe

    bebe kickbox

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    whoops!

    well ok, for what a hobbit actually is, its the creature frodo baggins from lord of the rings. (and dont let toby mess ya up!) -B
     
  12. TownBear

    TownBear New Member

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    yes, that's wut i thought
    so why we talkin about cooking them? lolllll
    this should be in the sci-fi/fantasy section of the board.. if there is one lolllll
     
  13. TownBear

    TownBear New Member

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    very simple to cook a hobbit
    take out the gizzards
    cook them for the dog if u dont fancy eating them urself
    stuff it
    brush the outside with a bit of butter or oil
    spice Well!! < < Important!
    cook 325 degrees for 25 mins per lb

    good luck and don't forget to floss after lolllll
     
  14. spaz

    spaz New Member

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    its not in the sci-fi section because, allthough hobbits are widely beleived to be mythical creatures, the subject of the thread is some what of a modern day dilema. now i hope your all happy, because your smart ass comments and confusing cooking directions RUINED my hobbit. i had to serve my high class guests McDonalds. If this costs me the chair position of the council of ekders, you will all pay. :(
     
  15. spaz

    spaz New Member

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    soor, the council of elders. im so angy im hitgktting the wrooopng keyyyys.
     
  16. bebe

    bebe kickbox

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    there, there...

    *pats spaz on the back* now i'm sorry your hobbit didn't turn out the way you wanted to...at least you didn't have to serve them taco bell, right? *shudder* listen, just make it up to them by sending them all a piece of delicious hobbit the way I instructed (no confusing cooking directions here ;) ) and if they refuse, send them the hobbit guts, just for not accepting you. -B

    make sure the guts are a few days old, too. :p
     
  17. TownBear

    TownBear New Member

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    macdonalds is better than a hobbit neday ;) lmao
     
  18. spaz

    spaz New Member

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    what an uncultured thing to say.
     
  19. TownBear

    TownBear New Member

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    i know ;)
    lolllllll
     
  20. Darren

    Darren Active Member

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    Currently Reading:
    Children of Hurin
    Now that bebe & her equally immature sidekick spaz and the bogus sockme have been banned I think it's time to close this thread.
     
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