David Welch
Member
New release, now available on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08F13SXYT
So you’re probably thinking to yourself: Poetry? People still read that? Isn’t that what musicians with no talent do to convince themselves they’re still better than the hoi polloi? Isn’t modern poetry mostly cryptic free verse nonsense that only makes sense to liberal arts professors high on acid? And you wouldn’t exactly be wrong asking this. But this book isn’t that. This book has rhymes. This book has meter. This book has long narrative poems and short epics. It’s got rants and raves, and even a few jokey poems that I scribbled down on post-it notes out of boredom during breaks at work.
This book has narratives poems galore. Poems of mournful lumberjacks and bad-ass revolutionary war battles. Poems of brawling yodelers and midgets who bull fight with chickens. Tales of flinty northern trappers going toe to toe with woolly mammoths, and Navy S.E.A.L.s rewriting the battle of Ragnarök. There are men getting black-out drunk and waking up in Australia, bears being launched by trebuchets, and a man so hungry that he eats a wendigo. There’s poetic tales of swords clashing on shields, and of hunters stalking half-frozen woods. There’s even a poem that may have been written by parallel versions of the author from alternate universes. Or maybe not, the physics is confusing…
And there’s cowboy poems. So many cowboy poems. Because who doesn’t like westerns? Bad people, that’s who. You’ll find poems of cowboys helping Santa save Christmas, poems of ranchers fighting off a Lakota siege, poems of undead riders wandering the range to fight supernatural evils, poems of corrupt gunmen finally meeting their match, and poems of fancy ladies with hearts of gold randomly streaking through the prairie wilderness. There’s a whole section of rhyming political rants, conveniently grouped together so you can totally skip over them if you hate my politics (Don’t worry, I won’t be offended, I probably hate yours too!). There are poems that I couldn’t easily categorize so I just lumped them in at the end. Every read a poem about an artificial intelligence that goes mad and commits suicide after seeing all the crap on the internet? Or a poetic ode to a gentleman’s club? Or a tale of a man addicted to the sheer thrill of thunderstorms? It’s all here, along with so much other random stuff that I somehow turned into verse.
So why should you buy this? Well, first off, I’ve had people tell me that this is better than Shakespeare. Admittedly, not many people have told me this…and those that did were somewhat drunk. But on the off-chance they were speaking truth (In vino veritas), do you really want to miss out? You could be on the ground floor of something great here, and it’ll only cost you $2.99. That’s couch-cushion money. Why miss out on the chance of being part of something historic when it’s literally less than a dollar? That would be crazy. And you can trust me on that. I’m not just saying it because I’m the author.
And should you find any typos or errors, they’re totally intentional editorial choices by the author, because this is poetry, and you can totally do that in poetry. It makes it deeper and more meaningful. And if you don’t buy that…well, it’s only $2.99. You ain’t out much. Besides, this book contains a poem about a woman who may or may not have born Bigfoot’s love child. Do you really want to miss out on that? I know I wouldn’t.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08F13SXYT
So you’re probably thinking to yourself: Poetry? People still read that? Isn’t that what musicians with no talent do to convince themselves they’re still better than the hoi polloi? Isn’t modern poetry mostly cryptic free verse nonsense that only makes sense to liberal arts professors high on acid? And you wouldn’t exactly be wrong asking this. But this book isn’t that. This book has rhymes. This book has meter. This book has long narrative poems and short epics. It’s got rants and raves, and even a few jokey poems that I scribbled down on post-it notes out of boredom during breaks at work.
This book has narratives poems galore. Poems of mournful lumberjacks and bad-ass revolutionary war battles. Poems of brawling yodelers and midgets who bull fight with chickens. Tales of flinty northern trappers going toe to toe with woolly mammoths, and Navy S.E.A.L.s rewriting the battle of Ragnarök. There are men getting black-out drunk and waking up in Australia, bears being launched by trebuchets, and a man so hungry that he eats a wendigo. There’s poetic tales of swords clashing on shields, and of hunters stalking half-frozen woods. There’s even a poem that may have been written by parallel versions of the author from alternate universes. Or maybe not, the physics is confusing…
And there’s cowboy poems. So many cowboy poems. Because who doesn’t like westerns? Bad people, that’s who. You’ll find poems of cowboys helping Santa save Christmas, poems of ranchers fighting off a Lakota siege, poems of undead riders wandering the range to fight supernatural evils, poems of corrupt gunmen finally meeting their match, and poems of fancy ladies with hearts of gold randomly streaking through the prairie wilderness. There’s a whole section of rhyming political rants, conveniently grouped together so you can totally skip over them if you hate my politics (Don’t worry, I won’t be offended, I probably hate yours too!). There are poems that I couldn’t easily categorize so I just lumped them in at the end. Every read a poem about an artificial intelligence that goes mad and commits suicide after seeing all the crap on the internet? Or a poetic ode to a gentleman’s club? Or a tale of a man addicted to the sheer thrill of thunderstorms? It’s all here, along with so much other random stuff that I somehow turned into verse.
So why should you buy this? Well, first off, I’ve had people tell me that this is better than Shakespeare. Admittedly, not many people have told me this…and those that did were somewhat drunk. But on the off-chance they were speaking truth (In vino veritas), do you really want to miss out? You could be on the ground floor of something great here, and it’ll only cost you $2.99. That’s couch-cushion money. Why miss out on the chance of being part of something historic when it’s literally less than a dollar? That would be crazy. And you can trust me on that. I’m not just saying it because I’m the author.
And should you find any typos or errors, they’re totally intentional editorial choices by the author, because this is poetry, and you can totally do that in poetry. It makes it deeper and more meaningful. And if you don’t buy that…well, it’s only $2.99. You ain’t out much. Besides, this book contains a poem about a woman who may or may not have born Bigfoot’s love child. Do you really want to miss out on that? I know I wouldn’t.