My Poem, Please judge.

[FictionFanlotty]

Hello Everybody. I know I haven't used this board in a long time but I hope to start using it more often now. I have written a poem and I would like to know peoples opinions on it. Please be honest, thank you ................:


Meadows Mistake.

Misty Meadow I cannot see,
Why have you captured me?
I am asking 'let me be'
Still you'll never set me free,
You are vast and you are wide,
you have tried to take my Pride,
I have darkness,
You have sight, you have power, for my light.


Misty Meadow, can't you see?
You are a part of me?
Let me flourish, then you'd see,
Forever I would be your tree.
Now I ponder,
What would be?
If you had of set me free?
You'd be hungry,
I'd be gone,
Why keep me here so long?

I am big now, I am tall,
Oh now Meadow, you look so small,
Why old Meadow, were you so cruel?
You had fire, I had fright,
You would hurt me, night by night,
You made me need you, I had no choice,
But now you'll hear my voice,
When I grew,
you failed to see,
How many more there were of me.

 

[manuscriptx]

The poem was good up until......

......this phrase kinda broke the reading rhythm :

I am big now, I am tall,
Oh now Meadow, you look so small,

 

[Afrika]

RE: My poem,please judge

Greetings,

Interesting write.