New Poem--The Bite

[sirmyk]

Thank you tundra. Now if the mods would let me edit my work...

Just re-post your edited versions in the same thread... we won't mind.

 

[Vespertilio91]

Yeah, I know.

 

[Steve2708]

luv the poem. Write some more

 

[Vespertilio91]

O-tay!!!!!!! Lookie at Something. I wrote that just a couple days ago, but no one's posted in it yet. T_T

 

[Phlebas]

Can't figure out how to get the quote thing to work curses -
anyway ...

"I can't figure out how to put in accents. (cursed/cur-sed) Can someone tell me?"

I wouldn't bother let the reader find out for themselves, it sometimes takes several reads to get the rythym, rhyme (Where's spell check when you need it) and general ebb and flow of a poem right. That's part of the reading experience - people should take their time, roll the words round in their mouth, get a feel for them and how they should be read. If they can't be bothered to do that then I wouldn't worry about them.

On the cursed vs cursed with a bit of attention to your poem it's obvious (to me anyway) that it reads cur-sed. as you need a stressed then unstresed syllable to keep the beat. The , at times, archaic feel of the language also suggests it. (and being anal I'm sure there is probably a rule about using cursed with and without and object - hmm...)

Oh and I enjoyed the poem

 

[Phlebas]

Just spotted you've got the same kind of accent interpretation to do in the first stanza:

Stalking her so stealthily
^ - ^ - ^ - ^

You need to almost artificially elongate "stealthily" to get the final stress beat in.

Cheers,

 

[Vespertilio91]

I know, but that's writer's improvisation. ^^