NOW AND THEN WHEN IT GETS VERSE....

[Gita V.Reddy]

NOW AND THEN : Postings will be few, occasional.

WHEN IT GETS VERSE: Or rather when I write something in verse. I mostly write stories. I have written very little poetry and even those, in my opinion, are in the form that is only an apology for verse: BLANK VERSE.

WHY THE THREAD?
Thanks to BAR > Writer's Corner > A few of Stiggy Says > Tutorial on Pantoum


I wrote a pantoum. I am sure it is one because I ran it through the pantoum-check. I want to share it, or rather I'm so eager to share it that I haven't polished it much.

There is this place I glimpsed
from a speeding car.
Tall, majestic trees, with branches twined
stood in a pool of morning sunlight.

From a speeding car
I saw each leaf brightly green
stood in a pool of morning sunlight,
and purple- hued flowers abounded

I saw each leaf brightly green,
melded, blended in nature’s symphony,
and purple hued flowers abounded,
in a happy solitude

Melded, blended in nature’s symphony,
this place that I glimpsed stood apart
in a happy solitude,
seemingly a mirage, though it was not.

This place that I glimpsed stood apart,
in reality, an oasis for the weary.
Seemingly a mirage, though it was not
however it shimmered and was gone.

In reality, an oasis for the weary
the tired, the jaded, and the lost.
However it shimmered and was gone,
that sweet and clear fount I saw.

The tired, the jaded and the lost,
it called out to them and to me,
that sweet and clear fount I saw,
yet I did not stop nor return.

It called out to them and to me,
this place of joy and vibrant peace.
Yet I did not stop nor return.
Pools of light and color and shade await.

This place of joy and vibrant peace,
somehow it seems enough I know of an escape.
Pools of light and color and shade await.
For now, it suffices that I know.

Somehow it seems enough I know of an escape.
Tall majestic trees with branches twined.
For now, it suffices that I know,
there is this place I glimpsed.

 

[Meadow337]

aah yes those magical places you just get a glimpse of that seem so otherworldly and beautiful.

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

A correction. Please read the line, 'stood in a pool of morning sunlight' as 'standing in a pool of morning sunlight.'

Thank you.

 

[Meadow337]

There is this place I glimpsed
from a speeding car.

correction read your own lines

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

correction read your own lines

? ? ? Speeding ???
As I just caught a glimpse, the car was 'speeding' in reference to the standing trees which is ok

 

[Meadow337]

sigh lol .. the TREES were standing .. the car was moving ... you got a glimpse of it ...

 

[stigmaticman]

this is a lovely poem!

i read it several times, and each time i noticed something different that gave me pause.
one of my favorite stanzas was the fifth one:

"This place that I glimpsed stood apart,
in reality, an oasis for the weary.
Seemingly a mirage, though it was not
however it shimmered and was gone."

the beauty of those lines! i can't express how much i like that metaphor, of the beauty you found in the moment as compared to an oasis. and it's so fitting for 'it shimmered and was gone.' marvelous!

all in all, a beautifully well written work.

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

this is a lovely poem!

i read it several times, and each time i noticed something different that gave me pause.
one of my favorite stanzas was the fifth one:

"This place that I glimpsed stood apart,
in reality, an oasis for the weary.
Seemingly a mirage, though it was not
however it shimmered and was gone."

the beauty of those lines! i can't express how much i like that metaphor, of the beauty you found in the moment as compared to an oasis. and it's so fitting for 'it shimmered and was gone.' marvelous!

all in all, a beautifully well written work.

Thank you for your appreciation and more so for your post about the pantoum. That got me started. I never expected to write verse that conforms to a recognized form.

For me, the challenge in this form was in taking the poem forward because the style is equivalent to moving two steps forward and simultaneously retreating by two steps. This movement between the lines is what gives the form its strength but it becomes difficult to maintain continuity and link the last stanza to the first one.
.

 

[stigmaticman]

The length of a pantoum is vital, but how i do it, I just refuse to give up until it works and works well. If you're patient, pantoums really pay off; in theory. As for form, it's one of my greatest joys, it's kind of like we share the experience of the old pastimes with the mother of the arts (poetry.) Form is like the crosswords puzzles of antiquity. And it brings us into a shared experience. Glad you joined in!

 

[Meadow337]

Interesting wiki on the pantoum, which apparently originally derives from Malay verse.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantoum

and the original Malay form, the Pantun:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantun

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

. Glad you joined in!

I have since discovered something I should have known at the onset : a single pantoum does not a poet make.


My subsequent efforts have not produced another pantoum that could be considered even remotely satisfactory.

So I tried a corona sequence. Its rough but .....frankly, the best I could do for now.

THE HOUR OF TWILIGHT

You want to know, do you not,
why I look sad, with shadows of
lonely winter evenings
dwelling in my eyes?
Those times when I look afar
into distances of nothingness,
when I seek solitude and turn away,
you are troubled, and you worry.

You are troubled, and you worry,
but it is not you, you see.
It is just that there are times when pain,
seeps into my heart like gentle rain.
Strangely, I yearn for a quiet spot
to nurture this ache in my heart.
This pain comes by itself, uninvited,
Like an old friend come visiting.

Like an old friend come visiting
It quickly settles in familiar places.
Just like a cloud’s destiny is to bear
the weight of earth’s unshed tears,
and the seas to accept rivers;
at the hour of twilight, so do I
receive this gloom, this melancholy.
You want to know, do you not?

 

[stigmaticman]

sigh... how beautiful, and touching. And i like how you adapted the form, very well done.

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

sigh... how beautiful, and touching. And i like how you adapted the form, very well done.

Thank you. I have a question about the form. I found a site, Guide to Verse Forms,
http://www.volecentral.co.uk/vf/index.htm

which says that a corona sonnet should have fourteen lines.

What I have written is eight line stanzas with the last line of a stanza repeated as the first line of the succeeding stanza.

I'm sure you will be able to tell me whether there is any line restriction.

 

[stigmaticman]

Okay, for clarity. A sonnet can be anything in spirit. Many write poems that are considered a sonnet but don't fit the forms requirements of lines, rhymes, and meter. And a sonnet is related to a ballad. All it means, is that their is a set structure, which you did eight line stanzas instead of fourteen, and each stanza is a development of a single theme, which you also did. And a Shakespearean sonnet, rhymes a-b-a-b-c-d-c-d-e-f-e-f-g-g. At heart, a sonnet or ballad, evokes an image, elaborates on it, then ends with a conclusion (the rhyming couplet g-g.) A full fledged sonnet is fourteen lines of iambic pentameter that evokes an image or phenomenon, elaborates it throughout the poem, then wraps up with a couplet that comes to a conclusion, or a new way of looking at the subject. All of which you did. When it comes to forms of poetry, you can do anything you want, while stretching or bending the form, almost to breaking, to suit any message, voice, or rhythm you deem appropriate. What I liked most, is that you took the 'corona,' and adapted it. That is exactly what you want to do. The truth is that each form, has a distinct way of approaching its message, and you kept the heart of the form alive while recreating it. Though it may be a fluke to you, it still carries a strong shape, and adheres to a corona sequence. You just breathed new life into it. Again, sometimes form is what you make it. It's all up to how close you want to stick to the rules. And great poets will bend them into their own shape.

You did great, and yes, it is a sonnet at heart.

 

[stigmaticman]

what you did is actually closer to a ballad. Only you took the corona approach of unifying the poem. A ballad is usually three stanzas, of any length, and what have you, as long as each stanza shares a common structure. The romantics took that form and ran with it. Some think the ballad is the successor of the sonnet. In the first stanza, you evoke an image, phenomenon, or thought. Elaborate on it in the second stanza, with the same structure used. Then, conclude in the final stanza. A sonnet is just all of those in one.

What I liked is that you wrote a ballad with a corona mixed in, and it's rather ironic how, since sonnets and ballads are relatives, you mixed the two. Marvelous.

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

Talk about beginners luck! Trying my hand at verse was just a gamble! A chance I took of either falling flat on my face or stringing together a few readable lines.

But you, my friend, are a fount of knowledge and are skilled in the art of teaching. I think you are a teacher by profession but if you are not, you have missed your vocation.

Thank you for spending so much time in answering my question. I truly appreciate it.

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

SUNFLOWER

The sunflower in the garden
looked me in the eye,
and gave me sunny smiles.

It knows since its days in Eden
it’s destined to be a ‘smilie’,
no matter where it grows.

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

THE EAGLE

Why does the eagle soar?

Is it impelled by its strength,
it’s ability to fly and endure?
Does it chase a dream?
Is it adventurous or just restless?
Or is it filled with conceit?
Is it a sun worshipper?
Or sadly, just a voyeur?
Does it look down through
chinks between clouds?
Is it as simple as that?
The eagle goes high up,
only for a stupendous view?

How does the eagle soar?

How does it break free,
to leave behind land and sea,
and become a spec in the sky
I can barely see.
Is it with the power of its wings?
Is there a fire in its heart,
that pushes it no matter what?
Or is it an ancient skill
learnt so that it may kill?
Is it just knowing that it may
return in the blink of an eye,
in a single giant sweep?

 

[stigmaticman]

First, I'd like to clear something up. When I referred to the ballad as being like the sonnet, I misspoke. The ode is what I was thinking of. The ode is ken to the sonnet, and shares many similarities. Sorry for the mishap.

As for your poem 'The Eagle' it was a pleasant surprise to read. It kind of reminds me of the 'leviathan' which is spoken of in Job, in the Bible. I really get into stuff like that. What better to write, as such, than about the eagle. Really cool.

 

[Gita V.Reddy]

First, I'd like to clear something up. When I referred to the ballad as being like the sonnet, I misspoke. The ode is what I was thinking of. The ode is ken to the sonnet, and shares many similarities. Sorry for the mishap./quote]

No problem. I have learnt a lot from your posts. I do not possess a formal education in English Literature( I studied mathematics), so it was a revelation to learn there are so many different forms in poetry. I'm finding it interesting and may explore at least some forms though it is unlikely I will steer far from my first love: writing stories.

About The Eagle. It came as a flash, not when I saw an eagle circling in the sky, but when I saw one swooping down. I first tried it as a Pantoum. I sailed through the first few stanzas but got mired later. I gave it up because it was becoming too long.

Then I tried using the closing sentence of the first stanza as the first sentence of the second stanza (corona sonnet) because each stanza would have fourteen lines.
........ ...... ......
The eagle goes high up,
only for a stupendous view?
This bird, this supreme bird.

This bird, this supreme bird,
how does it soar?
How does it break free,
to leave behind land and sea,
..... ........ ........

This way it was technically correct but in a way, patchy so I decided to ignore form and write it the way it pleased me.

I'm glad you liked it.