Poem: A Memory

[tugger]

This is a poem I posted on a thread in the General Chat area about our "Impressions of Ideal Intimacy." It was suggested that I post it in this thread. Anyway, it's about someone I was sure I'd found that intimacy with. Wrong...
she dumped me. Pieces of my heart scattered everywhere. A real mess. After months and months of smashing a tennis ball against a cement wall at the local park, I was able to write this poem. So anyway, without further ado here it is:



A MEMORY

I remember you in the morning,
The soft light from the window
Slanting across your body
Lying there. Your unkempt hair
Cascading along the pillow
And a tiny, fallen curl from your lash
Reposing gracefully on your cheek.

Your eyes still closed but no longer asleep
Your smile prepares to say
Something silly and astounding.
But I do not remember your words,
Only the low, pointed shadows
Created by your rising breasts
And the sticky sweet smells
Of the night before.

The rain falls today as I remember you.
My arms ache from all the caring.
And like you I do not sleep alone.
You have become a friendly name in old journals
Telling me softly, that sometimes regret
Is impossible to find.

-- tugger

 

[Ashlea]

I love it all but the title. The imagery is lovely, and the details just right.

I wonder, did you know her as well as you thought you did . .

 

[tugger]

Thanks, Ashlea. You know, I've never been thrilled with that title either, but just couldn't think of what else to call it. Anyone have any suggestions?

did you know her as well as you thought you did . .

I guess not, otherwise I would have forseen the big dumperooski!

 

[RaVeN]

Anyone have any suggestions?

I've got one:A female dog; a name of reproach for a woman

RaVeN

 

[tugger]

I've got one:A female dog; a name of reproach for a woman

You mean ....

the "B" word?

Actually, I wrote several "B" word poems about her before I was able to write this one!

 

[RaVeN]

Only natural.

And cheaper than a shrink

RaVeN

 

[h_carnahan]

Her name. That would work for a tittle, kind of like a homage to her.

 

[liv]

I think it's a beautiful poem and you have some lovely diction in there. It draws the reader in really well. In fact, I found myself remembering a few of my worst breakups. Snaps to you; it's a great poem.

 

[Salvaged]

Title?

Hey tugger =) Moving poem (however much I may disagree with content ). Very awesome. Consistent with other work in being fluid and seamless.

As for a title? I always agonize over mine until I hit JUST the right one. I was thinking about this one, and I probably cycled through 30 or so...

"Reminisce"
-or-
"Lost Luster"

Just some suggestions (as I am browsing old posts to avoid doing that "serious" work required of one in my position)

<Salvaged>