Duvodas
New Member
Here it is what I'm working on, I hope you like it, give me some recommendations as well as some opinions. I'd really appreciate it.
The round, white moon illuminated the mighty forest of Kandor, the forest of past legends and legends yet to be told. Where the Great King of Deltor had once ruled, and in its borders the Battle of Souls had been fought. The forest of Kandor extended through several miles in all directions, and it was easy to get lost once you entered it, and even if you climbed the tallest tree you would only see more and more trees everywhere. It was believed that it had been cursed by the Great King himself, and people thought of it as a place of death. Silence. Silence prevailed among all things, for not sound never came out of the woods, or so it was said by the farmers who had once dwelt on its surroundings, and who had fled, frightened by the things they had seen.
And the stillness was broken…by the sound of feet stepping through the fallen leaves.
Five knights in black cloaks, wearing what once were shiny silver armors and now were covered by dust and blood, were running through the woods desperately, looking here and there for something that would never appear. Two of them carried their longswords in their hands, the other three, had them sheathed and replaced by heavy double edged knives.
After a while they came to a stop. Looking everywhere, trying to see the slightest movement, the soldiers formed a circle, none more than two feet away from each other, their backs facing. They remained silent, listening to the forest. Their ayes almost blind by the lack of light for the trees absorbed all the moonshine, leaving grooves here and there where a bit of light would came through and shed light on the leaves-covered ground.
Finally the tension ceased and the soldiers put down their weapons.
“We are lucky that we are alive,” said one of them.
“Indeed,” another simply said.
“You think it was a good idea to come here?” one of them said, still looking reluctantly everywhere and breathing heavily.
“We had no other choice. Either we came here and hide or run through the plain with this moon that can expose us to their arrows. I don’t know you, but I do not want to be killed by those whoresons.”
The man who had spoken first nodded. “In that case, I think we should set a campfire he you are thinking on staying the night here”, he said. “After all, nobody will chase us in this forest.” The others whispered in agreement.
“I wouldn’t worry about whom but what will chase us here,” said the last one, who had been merely listening, and everybody looked at him. “This forest belonged once to the Deltorian, and it is said that…”
“Enough, Greniard!” snapped the fourth man. “Those are legends, things that are not real and you should not be filling your mind…and ours, with these tales.”
The third man stood firm. “As you command, my lord,” he said slowly, his head down.
“Now,” said the second man, “let’s try to find some wood to set a fire and heat our tired bodies. Tomorrow we go to Camuldon and join General Elias as was planned.”
“Even just five of us, my lord Jayr?” asked Talus, the first man who had spoken.
Jayr Renard looked at him, and he only could see a shadow standing in front of him.
“Yes, Talus; even just five of us,” he suddenly swore under his breath. “I should have known it!” the armor covering his right hand hit the closest tree. “Two hundred good men, dead. Just because…because…” everybody was now looking at him, their eyes wide open as if trying to see his face covered by the black veil of the night. It was your fault, he heard a voice inside his head, you led them to the ambush. Now these men won’t see their children again. It’s all your fault.
None of the others dared to speak, instead, they stooped to scan the ground for broken branches that would serve to light the fire.
Jayr Renard felt pleasant feeling as the heat of the fire touched his hands. However, his mind was in other place, a placed he would never forget, and he recalled: the ambush. He remembered as just three hours ago, on his way to Camuldon, one of his scouts had reported a troop of a hundred Deltorians camped two miles to the west. Fearing that this would turn to a menace for his men, he didn’t think about it twice and decided to attack them. Thinking he would catch them unprepared and win by superiority of two by one. What a surprise to him had been when he and his troops had attacked the camp and found no men. Nevertheless, his surprise had been short, for a rain of black arrows filled the sky and fell over his men. In a heartbeat, all was confusion, and more men fell as more arrows came. Some had tried to flee but the Deltorians had appeared from the woods and cut their escape. Then it had turned to a bloody battle that had lasted minutes and his army was cut down to pieces. Somehow, he had managed to escape with five four of his knights who were now sharing the fire with him. They’ll hang me as soon as I get to Camuldon, he thought, then he bowed his head hid it between his crossed hands.
The other knights were sitting around the fire, their hands extended to the flames; none of them seemed to want to talk. They were just enjoying being alive.
Suddenly, a whistle broke the silence of the night, and a scream was heard. Jayr Renard raised his head enough to see Talus, his eyes showing surprise, his mouth, open as if catching for breath. It was in that instant that he realized that an arrow had pierced Talus’ neck, and blood was running down his body, staining his clothes. Another whistle was heard and the man beside him shacked, and fell to the ground, an arrow stabbed in his right eye.
Jayr reached for his sheath and drew his sword. As he stood up, looking for a sight of the killers, he saw that Reniard, as well as the other knight left alive, were standing back to back, swords in hand, looking everywhere, frightened.
Another arrow tore Reniard companion’s heart; the man fell heavily to the ground without making a sound. Greniard looked down at the fallen knight and the up at Jayr, his face twisted in fear, he dropped his sword and turned around to run, in a heartbeat, Greniard was also on the ground, a knife in his back.
Jayr waited for the deadly arrow that would end up his life, but it never came. Instead, two hooded men came out of the woods; one bearing a sword, the other a bow with an arrow on it, pointing at him.
I won’t give my life so easily to these whoresons, he thought. And with that thought on his mind he charged towards the man who bore the longsword, screaming. He hurled a thrust with his sword to the man’s heart but the hooded stranger sidestepped. The next moment, Jayr felt an agonizing pain, he put his hands on his belly and raised them again to look at them, they were covered with blood. He knelt to the ground and swore. He killed me, was his last thought, he killed me, and then all was black as the night.
Jayr’s head rolled over the floor and the ground where he now lay was covered with blood.
The round, white moon illuminated the mighty forest of Kandor, the forest of past legends and legends yet to be told. Where the Great King of Deltor had once ruled, and in its borders the Battle of Souls had been fought. The forest of Kandor extended through several miles in all directions, and it was easy to get lost once you entered it, and even if you climbed the tallest tree you would only see more and more trees everywhere. It was believed that it had been cursed by the Great King himself, and people thought of it as a place of death. Silence. Silence prevailed among all things, for not sound never came out of the woods, or so it was said by the farmers who had once dwelt on its surroundings, and who had fled, frightened by the things they had seen.
And the stillness was broken…by the sound of feet stepping through the fallen leaves.
Five knights in black cloaks, wearing what once were shiny silver armors and now were covered by dust and blood, were running through the woods desperately, looking here and there for something that would never appear. Two of them carried their longswords in their hands, the other three, had them sheathed and replaced by heavy double edged knives.
After a while they came to a stop. Looking everywhere, trying to see the slightest movement, the soldiers formed a circle, none more than two feet away from each other, their backs facing. They remained silent, listening to the forest. Their ayes almost blind by the lack of light for the trees absorbed all the moonshine, leaving grooves here and there where a bit of light would came through and shed light on the leaves-covered ground.
Finally the tension ceased and the soldiers put down their weapons.
“We are lucky that we are alive,” said one of them.
“Indeed,” another simply said.
“You think it was a good idea to come here?” one of them said, still looking reluctantly everywhere and breathing heavily.
“We had no other choice. Either we came here and hide or run through the plain with this moon that can expose us to their arrows. I don’t know you, but I do not want to be killed by those whoresons.”
The man who had spoken first nodded. “In that case, I think we should set a campfire he you are thinking on staying the night here”, he said. “After all, nobody will chase us in this forest.” The others whispered in agreement.
“I wouldn’t worry about whom but what will chase us here,” said the last one, who had been merely listening, and everybody looked at him. “This forest belonged once to the Deltorian, and it is said that…”
“Enough, Greniard!” snapped the fourth man. “Those are legends, things that are not real and you should not be filling your mind…and ours, with these tales.”
The third man stood firm. “As you command, my lord,” he said slowly, his head down.
“Now,” said the second man, “let’s try to find some wood to set a fire and heat our tired bodies. Tomorrow we go to Camuldon and join General Elias as was planned.”
“Even just five of us, my lord Jayr?” asked Talus, the first man who had spoken.
Jayr Renard looked at him, and he only could see a shadow standing in front of him.
“Yes, Talus; even just five of us,” he suddenly swore under his breath. “I should have known it!” the armor covering his right hand hit the closest tree. “Two hundred good men, dead. Just because…because…” everybody was now looking at him, their eyes wide open as if trying to see his face covered by the black veil of the night. It was your fault, he heard a voice inside his head, you led them to the ambush. Now these men won’t see their children again. It’s all your fault.
None of the others dared to speak, instead, they stooped to scan the ground for broken branches that would serve to light the fire.
Jayr Renard felt pleasant feeling as the heat of the fire touched his hands. However, his mind was in other place, a placed he would never forget, and he recalled: the ambush. He remembered as just three hours ago, on his way to Camuldon, one of his scouts had reported a troop of a hundred Deltorians camped two miles to the west. Fearing that this would turn to a menace for his men, he didn’t think about it twice and decided to attack them. Thinking he would catch them unprepared and win by superiority of two by one. What a surprise to him had been when he and his troops had attacked the camp and found no men. Nevertheless, his surprise had been short, for a rain of black arrows filled the sky and fell over his men. In a heartbeat, all was confusion, and more men fell as more arrows came. Some had tried to flee but the Deltorians had appeared from the woods and cut their escape. Then it had turned to a bloody battle that had lasted minutes and his army was cut down to pieces. Somehow, he had managed to escape with five four of his knights who were now sharing the fire with him. They’ll hang me as soon as I get to Camuldon, he thought, then he bowed his head hid it between his crossed hands.
The other knights were sitting around the fire, their hands extended to the flames; none of them seemed to want to talk. They were just enjoying being alive.
Suddenly, a whistle broke the silence of the night, and a scream was heard. Jayr Renard raised his head enough to see Talus, his eyes showing surprise, his mouth, open as if catching for breath. It was in that instant that he realized that an arrow had pierced Talus’ neck, and blood was running down his body, staining his clothes. Another whistle was heard and the man beside him shacked, and fell to the ground, an arrow stabbed in his right eye.
Jayr reached for his sheath and drew his sword. As he stood up, looking for a sight of the killers, he saw that Reniard, as well as the other knight left alive, were standing back to back, swords in hand, looking everywhere, frightened.
Another arrow tore Reniard companion’s heart; the man fell heavily to the ground without making a sound. Greniard looked down at the fallen knight and the up at Jayr, his face twisted in fear, he dropped his sword and turned around to run, in a heartbeat, Greniard was also on the ground, a knife in his back.
Jayr waited for the deadly arrow that would end up his life, but it never came. Instead, two hooded men came out of the woods; one bearing a sword, the other a bow with an arrow on it, pointing at him.
I won’t give my life so easily to these whoresons, he thought. And with that thought on his mind he charged towards the man who bore the longsword, screaming. He hurled a thrust with his sword to the man’s heart but the hooded stranger sidestepped. The next moment, Jayr felt an agonizing pain, he put his hands on his belly and raised them again to look at them, they were covered with blood. He knelt to the ground and swore. He killed me, was his last thought, he killed me, and then all was black as the night.
Jayr’s head rolled over the floor and the ground where he now lay was covered with blood.
