Duvodas
New Member
Hey there, I just wanted to show my latest work. I'm open to recommendations as well as critics, so go ahead, have no mercy!
Chapter 1: Shadows of the Night
The round, white moon illuminated the mighty forest of Kandor, the forest of past legends and legends yet to be told. Where the Great King of Deltor had once ruled, and in its borders the Battle of Souls had been fought. The forest of Kandor extended through several miles in all directions, it was easy to get lost once you entered it, and even if you climbed the tallest tree your eyes would be filled with the sight of never-ending trees. It was believed that it had been cursed by the Great King himself, people couldn’t bear the thought of it Kandor was believed a place of death.
Silence. Silence prevailed among all things, for not sound never came out of the woods, or so it was said by the farmers who had once dwelt on its surroundings, and had fled, frightened by the things they had seen.
And the stillness was broken by the sound of feet stepping through the fallen leaves.
Five knights in black cloaks, wearing what once were shiny silver armors and now were covered by dust and blood, were running through the woods desperately, looking here and there for something that would never appear. Two of them carried their longswords in their hands, the other three, had them sheathed, replaced by heavy double edged knives.
After a while they came to a stop. Looking everywhere, trying to see the slightest movement, the soldiers formed a circle, none more than two feet away from each other, their backs facing. They remained silent, listening to the forest. Their ayes almost blind by the lack of light for the trees absorbed all the moonshine, leaving grooves here and there where a bit of light would came through and shed light on the leaves-covered ground.
Finally the tension ceased and the soldiers put down their weapons.
“We are lucky that we are alive,” said Kunn, the youngest of them.
“Indeed,” another simply said ans sighed.
“You think it was a good idea to come here?” asked a third one, Talus by name, still looking reluctantly everywhere and breathing heavily.
“We had no other choice,” the heavy, yet frightened voice of their captain, Jayr Reniard stood out. “Either we came here and hide or run through the plain with this moon that can expose us to their arrows. I dont know about you, but I do not want to be killed by those whoresons.”
Talus nodded. “In that case, I think we should set a campfire since you are thinking on staying the night here,” he said. “After all, nobody will chase us in this forest.” The others whispered in agreement.
“I wouldn’t worry about whom but what will chase us here,” said the last one, who had been merely listening, and everybody looked at him. “This forest belonged once to the Deltorian, and it is said that…”
“Enough, Greniard!” snapped Jayr. “Those are legends, things that are not real and you should not be filling your mind… and ours, with these tales.”
Greniard snapped to attention. “As you command, my lord,” he said slowly, his head down.
“Now,” Jayr, staring at his four soldiers, “lets try to find some wood to set a fire and heat our tired bodies. Tomorrow we go to Camuldon and join General Elias as was planned.”
“Even just five of us, my lord Jayr?” asked Talus.
Jayr Renard looked at the young soldier, and he only could see a shadow standing in front of him.
“Yes, Talus; even just five of us”, he suddenly swore under his breath. "I should have known it!" the armor covering his right hand hit the closest tree. "Two hundred good men, dead. Just because…because…" Everybody was now looking at him, their eyes wide open as if trying to see his face covered by the black veil of the night. It was your fault, he heard a voice inside his head, you led them to the ambush. Now these men wont see their children again. Its all your fault.None of the others dared to speak, instead, they stooped to scan the ground for broken branches that would serve to light the fire.
Jayr Renard felt the pleasant touch of the heat as it reached his hands. However, his mind was in other place, a placed he would never forget, and he recalled: the ambush. He remembered as just three hours ago, on his way to Camuldon, one of his scouts had reported a troop of a hundred Deltorians camped two miles to the west. Fearing that this would turn to a menace for his men, he didnt think about it twice and decided to attack them. Thinking he would catch them unprepared and win by superiority of two by one. They have gotten near the camp and watched as the rebels made camp for the evening. He had divided his troops and silently sorroundered the small plain; then he had attacked. A quick battle had taken place, the Deltorian rebels, with nowhere to run and taken by surprise had fought desperately to the last man. Jayr shivered with joy as he saw the rebels being killed. Then he realized, something was wrong, he had never been a good mathematician but he knew that the number the scouts had reported was not the number of men they had killed. He had glanced then at the fallen bodies, in surprise, eyes wide open…and his surprise had been swiftly lasting, for a rain of black arrows clouded the sky and fell over his men. In a heartbeat, all was confusion, and more men fell as more arrows came. Some had tried to flee to the forest but the Deltorians had appeared from the woods and cut their escape. At last, the remaining part of Deltorians had gotten out of the woods and attacked the knights. In an instant, the sound of the clashing of sword and axe against sword and shield covered the air with death. It had been a bloodly battle. Jayr, realizing that he was outnumbered, had tried to find a way to escape. Regrouping some of the knights at his side, they had made their way out of the battle, not without losing almost all of his companions on the deed.. His army was crushed but he did not cared about it anymore, he was alive, and that was what mattered. Now, he was being chased by the rebels, and his only company was the four surviror knigts who were now sharing the fire with him. They’ll hang me as soon as I get to Camuldon, he thought, then he bowed his head hid it between his crossed hands.
The other knights were sitting around the fire, their hands extended to the flames; none of them seemed to want to talk. They were just enjoying being alive.
Suddenly, a whistle broke the silence of the night, and a scream filled the night’s silence. Jayr Renard raised his head enough to see Talus, his eyes showing surprise, his mouth, open as if catching for breath. It was in that instant that he realized that an arrow had pierced Talus’ neck, and blood was running down his body, staining his clothes. Another whistle was heard and the man beside him shacked, and fell to the ground, an arrow stabbed in his right eye.
Jayr reached for his sheath and drew his sword. As he stood up, looking for a sight of the killers, he saw Greniard and Kunn standing back to back, swords in hand, looking everywhere, frightened.
Another arrow tore Greniard’s companions’ heart; the man fell heavily to the ground without making a sound. Greniard looked down at the fallen knight and the up at Jayr, his face twisted in fear, he dropped his sword and turned around to run, in a heartbeat, Greniard was also on the ground, a knife in his back.
Jayr waited for the deadly arrow that would end up his life, but it never came. Instead, the firelight illuminated two hooded men in long black robes as they stepped out of the woods; one bearing a longsword that shone like a flame at the light of the fire, exciting his eyes. The other had a bow with an arrow on it, the bolt pointing to his heart.
Though he could not see the faces, for the hoods only showed a black shadow where human’s features were supposed to be, he recognized them instantly. Jayr suddenly shook, and fought for control.
I won’t give my life so easily to these whoresons, he thought, and with that thought on his mind he charged towards the man who bore the flame-like longsword, screaming. He hurled a thrust with his sword to the mans heart but the hooded stranger sidestepped. The next moment, Jayr felt an agonizing pain, he put his hands on his belly and raised them again to look at them, they were covered with blood. He slowly led his feet kneel to the ground and swore.
Jayr never though that he would die like this: alone, in the middle of a cursed forest, demoralized by his own foolishness. He looked up at the sword bearer and saw his face, now visible, for the firelight reflected on it; his lips twisted in a mock of fear. He killed me, was his last thought, he killed me, and then all was black as the night.
At the light of the fire, Jayr’s beheaded body fell heavily to the ground, and his head rolled over the the fallen, golden-leaves, the portion of earth where he now lay was covered with blood.
Chapter 2: Body and Soul
The wind began to sing slowly its endless song while the woods danced at the rhythm of it as if they have never heard it before; here and there, loose leaves allowed themselves to be carried away by the breeze of the cold night as they made their way to the ground.
The moonlight shone upon two men who were just stepping out of the woods. Their heads were covered by hoods that hid half of their faces; wearing long black robes that absorbed all the moonlight reflected on them. They were not ordinary men, for one of them was Valanus, the deadliest warrior of the Deltorian, champion of the longsword; the other, was Dedan, the most lethal of the bowmen, who could shoot and hit his target over truly astonishing distances. They were vastly known throughout the empire, for there was not a person who had not heard of the deeds of the Soultakers, as the Black Knights had entitled them.
But for the Deltorians, they were the Shadow Walkers... (continues on other thread)
Chapter 1: Shadows of the Night
The round, white moon illuminated the mighty forest of Kandor, the forest of past legends and legends yet to be told. Where the Great King of Deltor had once ruled, and in its borders the Battle of Souls had been fought. The forest of Kandor extended through several miles in all directions, it was easy to get lost once you entered it, and even if you climbed the tallest tree your eyes would be filled with the sight of never-ending trees. It was believed that it had been cursed by the Great King himself, people couldn’t bear the thought of it Kandor was believed a place of death.
Silence. Silence prevailed among all things, for not sound never came out of the woods, or so it was said by the farmers who had once dwelt on its surroundings, and had fled, frightened by the things they had seen.
And the stillness was broken by the sound of feet stepping through the fallen leaves.
Five knights in black cloaks, wearing what once were shiny silver armors and now were covered by dust and blood, were running through the woods desperately, looking here and there for something that would never appear. Two of them carried their longswords in their hands, the other three, had them sheathed, replaced by heavy double edged knives.
After a while they came to a stop. Looking everywhere, trying to see the slightest movement, the soldiers formed a circle, none more than two feet away from each other, their backs facing. They remained silent, listening to the forest. Their ayes almost blind by the lack of light for the trees absorbed all the moonshine, leaving grooves here and there where a bit of light would came through and shed light on the leaves-covered ground.
Finally the tension ceased and the soldiers put down their weapons.
“We are lucky that we are alive,” said Kunn, the youngest of them.
“Indeed,” another simply said ans sighed.
“You think it was a good idea to come here?” asked a third one, Talus by name, still looking reluctantly everywhere and breathing heavily.
“We had no other choice,” the heavy, yet frightened voice of their captain, Jayr Reniard stood out. “Either we came here and hide or run through the plain with this moon that can expose us to their arrows. I dont know about you, but I do not want to be killed by those whoresons.”
Talus nodded. “In that case, I think we should set a campfire since you are thinking on staying the night here,” he said. “After all, nobody will chase us in this forest.” The others whispered in agreement.
“I wouldn’t worry about whom but what will chase us here,” said the last one, who had been merely listening, and everybody looked at him. “This forest belonged once to the Deltorian, and it is said that…”
“Enough, Greniard!” snapped Jayr. “Those are legends, things that are not real and you should not be filling your mind… and ours, with these tales.”
Greniard snapped to attention. “As you command, my lord,” he said slowly, his head down.
“Now,” Jayr, staring at his four soldiers, “lets try to find some wood to set a fire and heat our tired bodies. Tomorrow we go to Camuldon and join General Elias as was planned.”
“Even just five of us, my lord Jayr?” asked Talus.
Jayr Renard looked at the young soldier, and he only could see a shadow standing in front of him.
“Yes, Talus; even just five of us”, he suddenly swore under his breath. "I should have known it!" the armor covering his right hand hit the closest tree. "Two hundred good men, dead. Just because…because…" Everybody was now looking at him, their eyes wide open as if trying to see his face covered by the black veil of the night. It was your fault, he heard a voice inside his head, you led them to the ambush. Now these men wont see their children again. Its all your fault.None of the others dared to speak, instead, they stooped to scan the ground for broken branches that would serve to light the fire.
Jayr Renard felt the pleasant touch of the heat as it reached his hands. However, his mind was in other place, a placed he would never forget, and he recalled: the ambush. He remembered as just three hours ago, on his way to Camuldon, one of his scouts had reported a troop of a hundred Deltorians camped two miles to the west. Fearing that this would turn to a menace for his men, he didnt think about it twice and decided to attack them. Thinking he would catch them unprepared and win by superiority of two by one. They have gotten near the camp and watched as the rebels made camp for the evening. He had divided his troops and silently sorroundered the small plain; then he had attacked. A quick battle had taken place, the Deltorian rebels, with nowhere to run and taken by surprise had fought desperately to the last man. Jayr shivered with joy as he saw the rebels being killed. Then he realized, something was wrong, he had never been a good mathematician but he knew that the number the scouts had reported was not the number of men they had killed. He had glanced then at the fallen bodies, in surprise, eyes wide open…and his surprise had been swiftly lasting, for a rain of black arrows clouded the sky and fell over his men. In a heartbeat, all was confusion, and more men fell as more arrows came. Some had tried to flee to the forest but the Deltorians had appeared from the woods and cut their escape. At last, the remaining part of Deltorians had gotten out of the woods and attacked the knights. In an instant, the sound of the clashing of sword and axe against sword and shield covered the air with death. It had been a bloodly battle. Jayr, realizing that he was outnumbered, had tried to find a way to escape. Regrouping some of the knights at his side, they had made their way out of the battle, not without losing almost all of his companions on the deed.. His army was crushed but he did not cared about it anymore, he was alive, and that was what mattered. Now, he was being chased by the rebels, and his only company was the four surviror knigts who were now sharing the fire with him. They’ll hang me as soon as I get to Camuldon, he thought, then he bowed his head hid it between his crossed hands.
The other knights were sitting around the fire, their hands extended to the flames; none of them seemed to want to talk. They were just enjoying being alive.
Suddenly, a whistle broke the silence of the night, and a scream filled the night’s silence. Jayr Renard raised his head enough to see Talus, his eyes showing surprise, his mouth, open as if catching for breath. It was in that instant that he realized that an arrow had pierced Talus’ neck, and blood was running down his body, staining his clothes. Another whistle was heard and the man beside him shacked, and fell to the ground, an arrow stabbed in his right eye.
Jayr reached for his sheath and drew his sword. As he stood up, looking for a sight of the killers, he saw Greniard and Kunn standing back to back, swords in hand, looking everywhere, frightened.
Another arrow tore Greniard’s companions’ heart; the man fell heavily to the ground without making a sound. Greniard looked down at the fallen knight and the up at Jayr, his face twisted in fear, he dropped his sword and turned around to run, in a heartbeat, Greniard was also on the ground, a knife in his back.
Jayr waited for the deadly arrow that would end up his life, but it never came. Instead, the firelight illuminated two hooded men in long black robes as they stepped out of the woods; one bearing a longsword that shone like a flame at the light of the fire, exciting his eyes. The other had a bow with an arrow on it, the bolt pointing to his heart.
Though he could not see the faces, for the hoods only showed a black shadow where human’s features were supposed to be, he recognized them instantly. Jayr suddenly shook, and fought for control.
I won’t give my life so easily to these whoresons, he thought, and with that thought on his mind he charged towards the man who bore the flame-like longsword, screaming. He hurled a thrust with his sword to the mans heart but the hooded stranger sidestepped. The next moment, Jayr felt an agonizing pain, he put his hands on his belly and raised them again to look at them, they were covered with blood. He slowly led his feet kneel to the ground and swore.
Jayr never though that he would die like this: alone, in the middle of a cursed forest, demoralized by his own foolishness. He looked up at the sword bearer and saw his face, now visible, for the firelight reflected on it; his lips twisted in a mock of fear. He killed me, was his last thought, he killed me, and then all was black as the night.
At the light of the fire, Jayr’s beheaded body fell heavily to the ground, and his head rolled over the the fallen, golden-leaves, the portion of earth where he now lay was covered with blood.
Chapter 2: Body and Soul
The wind began to sing slowly its endless song while the woods danced at the rhythm of it as if they have never heard it before; here and there, loose leaves allowed themselves to be carried away by the breeze of the cold night as they made their way to the ground.
The moonlight shone upon two men who were just stepping out of the woods. Their heads were covered by hoods that hid half of their faces; wearing long black robes that absorbed all the moonlight reflected on them. They were not ordinary men, for one of them was Valanus, the deadliest warrior of the Deltorian, champion of the longsword; the other, was Dedan, the most lethal of the bowmen, who could shoot and hit his target over truly astonishing distances. They were vastly known throughout the empire, for there was not a person who had not heard of the deeds of the Soultakers, as the Black Knights had entitled them.
But for the Deltorians, they were the Shadow Walkers... (continues on other thread)
. What can I say about your last sentence? I think a "Thanks" is the best answer, for saying something else would become a self-compliment statement.