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still untitled!

Stella Leanna

Stella Leanna

Member

I still don't have a title for this poem but anyway, I'd like to share it with you. Maybe I'll be able to come up with a title soon! Comments and suggestions please =)

----

How is it possible
I can see your face so vividly
When the wind blows
All the memories away...

How can you touch a life
When your hands are turned into stone
And it leaves you there
Standing all alone...

And whenever the sun rises
I wait for it to shine upon
The children hiding in darkness
Fading til they're completely gone...

Because sadness moves
In a haunting rhythm
And seeks for a soul
To feed on...

Destroying the lives
Of innocent bystanders,
And we're forced to dwell
In this damned world's slanders...

So I pull back the curtains
And darkness melts away
The depression now decides
To come back another day...

And mem'ries of you
Begin to flood in once again
You caress me with your once idle hands...
No longer giving in to grief's demands...

----

I know it's long, hope it didn't bore you. I'll be making some revisions because I'm not satisfied with some parts. Start commenting!!!

<3 Stella

PS. Here we go with the ambiguity again =/
 
Another one that seems like song lyrics to me . . . if I were you I'd find a musically inclined collaborator and figure out a chorus.
 
Ashlea said:
Another one that seems like song lyrics to me . . . if I were you I'd find a musically inclined collaborator and figure out a chorus.
Click to expand...

Wow, you know what? It was actually a song I wrote. But the tune I thought of for the poem sucked major ass.. so I decided to leave it like that. Although I still am planning on thinking of a better tune. =)
 
You are grieving over the loss of a lover, possibly one who died?
And you’re letting him haunt you, unprepared to move on; living memories, when you should be living life.

????????????????

Title. Think positive. ‘Pull back the Curtains.’ (6th verse)

Third Man Girl
 
third man girl said:
You are grieving over the loss of a lover, possibly one who died?
And you’re letting him haunt you, unprepared to move on; living memories, when you should be living life.

????????????????

Title. Think positive. ‘Pull back the Curtains.’ (6th verse)

Third Man Girl
Click to expand...

This poem really has a weird explanation to it. You still want to know? Because it's kinda long and you might get bored :(

And that title, my dear, may actually do the trick. THANKS! :D
 
Its a musical - theres a song in it that has the lyrics 'Pull back the Curtains' - Any Dream Will Do or somesuch i think its called <shrugs>

Phil :)
 
I think we can excuse you for not knowing random lyrics from random musicals that i went to about ten years ago :)

Phil
 
Stella Leanna said:
You still want to know?
Click to expand...

Yes. I still want to know. :)

PS. I didn't know about 'Pull back the Curtains' being random lyrics from a random musical either :eek: I don't go to random musicals. They do that all-singing-all-dancing business and it can be quite off-putting :(

Third Man Girl
 
It's not that random. Wasn't so long ago that the Debil's favourite grandson, Jason Donovan, was wailing his little heart out and screeching his way through the charts with it. Actually, I guess it was quite a long time ago. But evil that concentrated has a way of etching itself into your brain, and now the poxy song is stuck in my head and nothing short of a good trepanning is likely to dislodge it. Woe am I. And just after I broke my last trephine too. Still, there's nothing more multipurpose than a spork.

I close my eyes
Pull back the curtain
To see for certain
Where I left my spork...
 
third man girl said:
Yes. I still want to know. :)

PS. I didn't know about 'Pull back the Curtains' being random lyrics from a random musical either :eek: I don't go to random musicals. They do that all-singing-all-dancing business and it can be quite off-putting :(

Third Man Girl
Click to expand...

This poem actually has a short story in it.

---
So I start explaining… there are 3 “problems”, all represented by the word “darkness” in the poem, and these “problems” are all due to this thing called “sadness”… the “problems” are: (by the way, the speaker is a girl)

1) The person’s wanting of her recollection of memories of her loved one
2) Her need to be touched by a person’s good acts
3) Her urge to help unfortunate people, poor people in general

The rest of the poem is symbolic already. It’s up to the reader to decide how the “curtains” were pulled back… how “sadness” was overcome. And because the “sadness” or “depression” decides to “come back another day”, the answers are solved…

When the “curtains” were pulled back, the “children hiding in darkness” come out and bask in the sun’s rays (but that’s just reading between the lines), memories of her loved one begin to “flood in once again” and she also receives the warmth she needed from a person, when she gets “caressed”… and now she’s “no longer giving in to grief’s demands”, meaning she isn’t conquered by terrible sadness anymore.
---

The explanation is kind of messy right now; I don’t know how to put the thoughts in my head into words! Sheesh! Thanks for your comment =)
 
I think this is a good poem, but this talk about musicals got me to thinking as I was rereading it. It is a good poem, but with a few tweaks, it could be a really DYNAMITE song lyric. Maybe use that fouth stanza, "Because sadness moves ..." as a repeating chorus. Stella, do you play an instrument? Or have a friend who does? If so, you might try putting a melody to it. I think it could be REALLY cool. Hope you don't mind my suggesting that. :)
 
tugger said:
I think this is a good poem, but this talk about musicals got me to thinking as I was rereading it. It is a good poem, but with a few tweaks, it could be a really DYNAMITE song lyric. Maybe use that fouth stanza, "Because sadness moves ..." as a repeating chorus. Stella, do you play an instrument? Or have a friend who does? If so, you might try putting a melody to it. I think it could be REALLY cool. Hope you don't mind my suggesting that. :)
Click to expand...

I play the piano, but I'm not really an expert on it =( But I do have a cousin who's great at the piano!!! You people really make me want to turn this into a song! I don't mind your suggestions, I appreciate them :)
 
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