Temporary Freedom

[Vespertilio91]

Devilish earth,
Each day your glorious king
Blossoms from the hidden horizon
To give His children safety
While I sleep, my hunger draining.
But alas, each night
When my love returns,
My shackles are disbanded;
My banishment's relinquished.
But only until your monarch
Revisits the world to reap
My temporary freedom
And capture me again.

 

[Poppy1]

Another good VAMPIRE one Vesper. The only quibble I have is with the word alas. It makes it sound like you don't want to wake up - or perhaps that is your intention? I like your use of 'glorious king' and 'monarch' for the sun.

 

[Vespertilio91]

I took alas to be a shortened form of 'at last'. So, to me, it sounds like At last, each night my shackles are disbanded. See what I mean?

 

[stigmaticman]

alas is a cry of sorrow
ex. alas my love, how I miss you

but I liked this piece
I like how it spoke his thoughts
7/10

 

[Poppy1]

I took alas to be a shortened form of 'at last'. So, to me, it sounds like At last, each night my shackles are disbanded. See what I mean?

Yes, at last makes a lot more sense. Stig gives a good example of what alas means.

 

[Vespertilio91]

Now I understand why you were confused. Thanks for the input, both of you.

 

[sirmyk]

I think "alas" works great where it is. It lets the reader contemplate whether or not this vampire likes his shackles to be disbanded.

 

[Vespertilio91]

This is what I love about poetry....little quibbles over if you should use this word or that.