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The Barbarians' Liberation

General Scales

New Member
It's not much right now, but one day I hope to get it published...

Dethroned!​
We begin our epic journey with Gernog Yalloud, king (by heir) of the barbarian lands. The barbarian lands are mostly fields, but some castles which are connected to mountains or nearby them. From his mountain palace, the land was all he could see except for the Forbidden Mountains of Kornag. The Mountains of Kornag were a dark and desolate place with evil so vile that people in every town had forbidden anyone from going there since the death of Gernog's father. At the moment in our story, Gernog's taxes are relatively low (about eight gold pieces to be exact), food is provided by each town, and (of course) when boys come of age they are taught the ways of the sword, axe, bow, or any other weapon of their choosing.
Gernog was well known for the armor he used. He wore a shining blue helmet which was said to be able to heal wounds. He wore hard leather boots, a white tunic, and brown pants. The reason he wore so little was he swore he would not wear real armor until he had slain a half-giant or giant.
His axe was found in a giant's cave. It had belonged to his great-great grandfather's father. Gernog named it "Dragon's Tooth" for its crest was a dragon head showing its teeth. It was seven feet long and weighed about forty-five pounds, but for some reason that Gernog never found out...it wieghed about five pounds only for him. The reason for this is...his great-great-great grandfather had put a spell on it so it would be easy to use only for his family's blood.
Gernog stood about five foot nine inches and was strong enough as any other man, but what made him different was his determination. To put it bluntly...he was more stubborn than an ox and ass put together. Any diplomat that sought an audience with him ended up crying back home at their failure.
It was the middle of spring when a horrific event happened to Gernog. An old man in a hooded black cloak came to seek an audience with Gernog. He walked with a dark green staff and had a white beard that reached his waist.
"Let him enter," Gernog commanded his guards.
"Right away milord!" a guard said rushing the best he could in his armor to open the door. The old man entered, but never bowed to Gernog.
"BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR KING OLD MAN!" yelled a guard.
"Would you really make an old man bow down with a hurt back?" the old man replied slowly.
"Of course I will not," Gernog said.
"Thank you...but please, may I perchance had a chair or stool to sit upon?" he asked sadly.


If you want more just tell me and I will give it. Hope you like it!
 
Reply

If you plan on getting this thing published, you need to work on your writing skills. There is a difference in being a good story teller and a good writer. The story, yes, does seem to be something that I would enjoy reading. The way the story is written, is however something that I would spend a lot of time tearing to shreds.

For starters: somewhere in that first paragraph is a second paragraph (if not a third). Oh, and set off your paragraphs with a line break, as tabs do not work in HTML.

I wish you well.
 
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