The Lost Diary

[dominicgaj]

This is the first two pages of my new children's adventure gamebook. To read the story in its entirety, you can click on the link in my signature.

Jasan.

THE LOST DIARY

PAGE -1-

“Oh No! It’s gone!”

The voice is of your mother. You run out of your room to where she is, in the kitchen.

“What happened?”

“I’ve lost my diary. I had it with me while I was at the marketplace today. I must have put it set it aside somewhere and forgotten to pick it up.”

Looking down, she starts pacing the floor, scratching her chin. “Your father will be here to eat soon and I need to prepare his meal.”

Your father is the local blacksmith of the town. He comes home for his afternoon lunch on the days he works and enjoys a hefty, piping-hot feed.

Your mother stops her walking and raises her head. “Could you wander along to the market, dear? Once you’re there, look around and see if you can find my diary. You’re familiar with how it looks.”

Turn to page -2-

PAGE -2-

Indeed, you are familiar with the diary. It is a small, black, leather bound book, not much larger than the size of your hand. Your mother’s initials are impressed on the inside of the front cover.

“Well? Are you ready? I need you to leave right away”, advises your mother.

If you want to commence the search for the diary, turn to page -8-

If you suggest that you prepare your father’s meal while your mother searches for the diary, turn to page -16-

 

[rustynath]

I must have put it set it aside somewhere and forgotten

There is a problem here, and the "your father" does not feel natural when repeated, though this may just be me.

ok start, when i get the chance i will read onwards.

 

[dominicgaj]

Thanks rustynath for your comments, particularly the "put it set it aside" sentence. That's a real mess on my part.

Regards
Jasan

 

[rustynath]

I've read the the story (well not all, I only played it twice as I failed the first time )

Some good ideas in there, just a shame its not longer

might i also sujest you have a quick look at the vocabulary that you have used, if it is for children. ie "frivolously"

Well done, rustynath.

 

[dominicgaj]

Ah yes, my biggest problem in writing to the pre-teen market is using words that are too big. I usually do my best when writing for teens.

Thanks Rustynath

P.S. The story is longer, but that will be released after I write Part Two of this adventure. At the moment I have taken a break from this particular tale to write my third short gamebook story. My fourth story will be a conclusion to "The Lost Diary" (I haven't worked out a title for it yet but how the story ends is already worked out in my head).