'Unknown'. A short story...First time posting my writing.

[wilderness]

Hey
I wrote this story a few years ago and revise and edit it every few months. It's my favourite piece ever written. Comments and critics would be greatly appreciated, but nothing too harsh.

'Unknown'

Anna's parents had promised to drop by, but days had passed and they were never seen. She remembered looking up at the painting in front of her bed, noticing how delicate the strokes were, how perfect each line was and how much thought must have gone into this masterpiece. Where the artist's signature was meant to be signed, was written 'Unknown'. Such small things made Anna angry. She couldn't imagine something so terrible happening to her. Not only was she outraged by the thought, but she felt sorry for those many talented people who were classified as 'unknown' unwillingly.

Her ward in the hospital consisted of four beds. Apart from hers, they were all empty. She constantly felt lonely, with no one to talk to. The nurses were rude and unsympathetic. They never spoke to Anna, asked how she felt, or offer their help. But rather ignored her. Just like her parents.

The room was a puddle blue and the air smelled of stale food. The sheets, laid out perfectly over the beds were so clean they were almost shining. The flowers on the shelf were dead, and had been for quite some time now. Similar to the heater which broke two months ago, still not repaired. Nothing ever changed in the room.

Anna was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. Since then she was often taken out of school and rushed to the hospital. After the fourth occurrence the doctors decided to keep her in the ward. No matter what they did, the cancer would creep back into her fragile body and damage what was left. She had become skin and bones and was becoming too weak to move.

Her blonde hair used to be straight and silky, worn every day in a plait with a ribbon tied around the bottom. Since her arrival though, Anna's beautiful hair was now just a knotted mess, and the ribbon was frayed beyond recollection. Her once striking eyes were now ruined by the dark bags which rested underneath. Her mouth, which used to be imprinted with a smile, was now dented by a frown.

The morning was lifeless as usual, and the only sounds were those of the other sick patients. Suddenly, a racket brew outside. She heard doors being thrust open and doctors shouting.
"Quick!! Get him to the operating theatre, call in Dr Hankins and Nurse Pottle. Tell them we need to operate immediately." The faint sound of moans soon grew loader, and was covering the squeaks from the stretcher.
"What happened to him?" questioned one of the neglectful nurses.
Anna was surprised by her interest and the curiosity lingering in her voice.
"Car accident on Devon St. The driver was drunk, he's dead now." the doctor spat out, as he rushed to the surgery.

'Dead now,' Anna thought. Words which scared her. Quite soon, she imagined she would be dead.

It didn't take long for Anna to fall into a troubled sleep.

* * *

She woke with a start. Another nightmare. She sat up and reached for the light, protection from the darkness, her fears. But something else caught her attention. Lying asleep in the bed next to hers was the young boy from this morning. Forgetting about her torturous dream, she turned on the light to get a better look at his figure.

He was lying on his back with his night shirt unbuttoned and the blanket tucked at his waist. In interest, she heaved herself out of bed and with her remaining strength, walked over to him. Standing above his frail body, she observed him. His lean face was pale and he too had dark bags under his eyes. His black hair was short, and his tight curls were beginning to unravel. Dry blood rested on his chest with a thin transparent tape covering up his stitching. Purple bruises had been splashed in almost every inch of his body. A plaster cast hugged his leg and was elevated by a cushion. His hands were covered with cuts and there was still some fresh blood dripping down. Anna reached for the tissue box which lay next to his drip. Pulling one out from the box, she wiped away the red droplets.

Anna sat in the chair next to his bed and watched him sleep. She noticed his breathing, the slow deep breaths. He seemed so pleasant, drowning in innocence. Even though Anna didn't know this boy, she felt safe next to him.

Anna woke on the chair five hours later. Forgetting where she was, she looked around, confused. She caught site of the boy and remembered the events of the previous night. He was sitting up, reading a sports magazine.
"You're awake." she whispered
"Seems like it." he replied, his voice, tender. "I'm Luke, by the way."
"Anna."

He smiled and looked back down at his magazine. She watched his pensive green eyes move across the page. His hair had been brushed and the gel made it shimmer. Luke returned his attention to Anna, and put down his magazine. She could feel her cheeks turning a distinct shade of red, and she shyly looked away.
"How come I woke up with you next to my bed? Where are you meant to be?" She sensed the kindness in his voice, and felt confident to talk.
"I sleep on that bed" she pointed at her messy blankets which hadn't been touched since last night. "I woke up in the night and saw you sleeping here. I came over to keep you company." He smiled at her and held her eye contact. Anna could see he was hurting inside.

"Why are you here?" she asked. Although she knew the answer, she wanted to hear it from him.
"I was in a car accident yesterday. I didn't know my friend was drunk, he drove into a tree,” His smile vanished, and his tear-laden eyes turned glassy. “And Died”
"I'm sorry," He nodded and looked out the window facing away from Anna. Just at the moment, a nurse walked in and ordered Anna to return to her bed. She struggled to stand but after a few unsteady steps, she reached it. When she was lying down under the covers, she took out her journal and wrote.

Anna had lost track of time and finally when she was finished writing, she noticed her dinner trey. Luke was already eating, and his parents who were sitting on the end of his bed were discussing the accident. Anna looked across at her stale dinner which was on a trolley next to her bed, then back at Luke's. His was brought from home, as it was on a kitchen plate and he seemed to be enjoying each mouthful. Anna tried not to think of her parents, she wasn't prepared to get emotional.

Anna lay in bed, tucked under her warm covers, watching as Luke's parents left. "You never told me why you're here?"
"Cancer." She replied, a little hesitant. Luke obviously wasn't expecting that answer and gave an awkward smile. Anna thought it was best to change the subject.
"How old are you?"
"Sixteen, what about you?"
"I turn fourteen in three days"
"That's exciting! Fourteen was a great age."
"I hope so. What sports do you like?" Anna spotted the sports magazine on his shelf and was interested to know.
"I like them all, but I doubt I'll be playing for a while though."
"What will you do instead?" Anna tried to keep the conversation going; it was nice to have someone to talk to.
"I guess I’ll draw, I love art.

This made Anna smile. She told him about the artist's whose pictures are classified as 'unknown'. She explained to him how she loved to write in her journal and how she had plans to write a book. They talked for hours into the night, until the nurses told them off.

* * *

The next morning, a doctor was standing by the door way talking to one of Anna's nurses. She kept her eyes closed, pretending to sleep, and listened carefully to what they were saying.
"Her blood test came in today. Her cancer has spread" the doctor informed the nurse. "And there’s nothing we can do?"
"No" His voice sounded mechanic, like an automatic answering machine, lacking any sort of sympathy.
"How long will she last?" the nurse asked
"A while still. Two months, I'm guessing. But I think it's time to send her to a hospice." The nurse took a deep breath, and shrugged her shoulders.
"I'll call a few today. But Dr Hee, I think it’s best if we didn't tell her yet." The doctor nodded in approval and they both looked over at Anna. Her eyes were closed, not only to act asleep, but to shield the tears. Once Anna heard the footsteps fade, she opened her eyes. Tears were now freely dripping down the side of her face. She wiped them on her sleeve, and looked over at Luke, who had also been listening. He too had present tears. She tried to stay calm but the pain inside her body grew. Luke got up and limped towards her. Grasping her in his arms, he held her firmly.

"I don't want to die" Anna cried, wiping her fresh tears on Luke's shirt.
"Shhh, it'll be all right," Luke reassured, but his shacking voice told lies.
"I'll miss you," she whispered.

* * *


(posting the rest in a reply comment bellow)

Lani

 

[wilderness]

By the time Anna had woken, the nurses were already hovering around her bed, collecting her things and putting them in bags. Anna sat up and looked around, conscious of every sound.

"What's happening?" Anna asked, although she knew the answer.
"You're moving to a better hospital where they’ll take better care of you." answered a nurse which Anna had never seen before.

They were all in casual clothes, rather than their usual dull blue pants, and matching shirts. She knew what was happening. She was moving to the hospice. A hospital which the other kids called ‘The Place of No Return.’
A place where you go to when you are going to die.
Anna looked across at Luke's bed but it was empty. As a tear emerged from her eyes, she attempted to calm herself. She looked down at her hands. They had changed since the last time she had noticed them, in fact, she remember that she had not seen herself in a mirror for the past week. After seeing the state her hands were in, she was curious to explore the rest of her body. She excused herself to the bathroom and a nurse accompanied her to the door. As she stood in front of the deceiving mirror, she noticed how little strength she had.

She stared in shock and dismay. Her face was pale and gaunt and bones were sticking out from every angle. Her eyes were drooping and were filled with an unsatisfied void. Dark bags were sewn underneath, and she began to weep. The tears stained her fragile skin. She was once so beautiful, but now, a pile of helpless skin and bones. The nurse pushed the door open and held her sympathetically. Whilst leading her to a wheel chair, Anna noticed Luke sitting on his bed with a wrapped box on his lap.
His eyes were worried, and he seemed concerned.
"Luke!" Anna cried. He got up and hopped towards her, trying to avoid putting pressure on his injured leg. He wrapped his bruised arms around her small figure and held her close to his body. She buried her face into his chest and cried.
The nurses tried to pull her away but she pushed them back. Luke was her only friend, the only one who ever cared and could be trusted.
She didn't want to let go, ever.
His body was warm and she could hear his heart beating faster. He moved away and placed the rapped box in front of her.
"Happy birthday"

Anna had forgotten her birthday, and judging by the look on the nurses faces, so had they. But Anna didn't care. She looked down at the present and then back up at Luke. She tried to smile but couldn't. The nurse gripped her arm and pulled her to the wheel chair. Anna sat, and they began to wheel her outside. She turned around to say her last goodbye to Luke. He forced a warm smile and waved but all Anna could do was cry.

Anna didn't remember much after that. She had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the hospice, and was still sleeping when they arrived.

* * *

The next morning, Anna woke in a new room. This was her own room, with only one bed. It was welcoming, unlike her ward in the hospital, and secure. The walls were painted purple and it smelt like flowers. It was a comfortable temperature, and her things had been arranged nicely on the shelves, all in hight order. The door to her room was open and out side, she could see two nurses whispering.
Anna cleared her thought to get their attention. Both looked up, unaware that she was awake, and came rushing in to greet her.
"Well, it's about time you woke up! I'm Nurse Betty, and this Nurse Jane.” Anna smiled awkwardly.
"Would you like dinner?" Anna nodded and one of the nurses made her way to a trolley out side her door.
"Thank you" Anna replied. She liked this place better than the hospital. The nurses were caring, and the atmosphere was soothing. The food, which had been placed in front of her, looked delicious, and instead of listening to other patients groaning, she could hear laughter.

She thought about Luke, the times they shared and the things they talked about. She suddenly remembered the box.
"Where is the box?"
"Over there, by your table." replied one of the nurses. Resting on the chair was the wrapped box that Luke had given her for her fourteenth birthday. She reached for it and ripped off the pink wrapping paper. Lifting up the lid, a note fell out.

Anna,
Happy Birthday. It has been nice spending the last few weeks with you. You’re a great person, and an amazing friend, I will miss you deeply and I wish you all the best in the future. I have bought you a new book. A writing book. I want you to write the story you told me about. Don't stop writing until you’re done. Publish it and I promise, I'll be the first to read it. Hope to talk to you soon.
Luke.

Anna took the pastel yellow book out of the box and began to write. She wrote all into the night, only stopping to go to the bathroom. Weeks went by and she wouldn't put down her pen. Slowly, her condition worsened and the tablets that she was taking were not working.
"It's time for bed, dear" Nurse Betty informed her one night.

Anna had almost finished her story, with only a few pages left to write. She put her book into the box and placed it under her bed as usual. The nurse closed the curtains, turned off the light and shut the door. Anna rolled over and thought about her final page. She was content with her book, feeling very proud. Before falling asleep, Anna thought about Luke and how happy he would be.
Fatigue quickly crept upon her body, and soon she was snoring gently.

The nurses came in the next morning to find Anna lying motionless on the bed.

* * *

Luke had left the hospital that week, uninformed about Anna's death. Years had past and he’d made a new life for himself. But he never forgot Anna, and often found him self thinking about her, missing her. Every day on his way to work, he would walk past a book store, always looking in to see if they had received any new books. It had been around seven years after Anna's death that he saw her book. He walked past the store, recognizing the front of the diary that he’d given her on her fourteenth birthday. He opened it and immediately recognized the story. A Nurse had found the nameless book and published it. Taking it to the checkout counter, he realized that in the place where the authors name was meant to be written, was one word. 'Unknown'




Lani

 

[Miss Shelf]

Not too bad, but not something that uplifts one. Spelling errors are at a minimum, including: she noticed her dinner trey ; but his shacking voice told lies ; placed the rapped box in front of her ; on the shelves, all in hight order. There may be more but I didn't look that closely. I did notice some punctuation errors, too.

The main problem I have with this story is that we don't know what was in the book Anna wrote. I also have a problem with her being neglected so shamefully personally and medically-just what era is this set in? Modern day? Victorian era? I find it difficult to picture a Western hospital ward where an adolescent boy and girl are put in beds next to each other. It sounds more like a Third World setting. More details are needed in order for this story to have the impact it could have.

 

[steffee]

I liked the story. The first few paragraphs I thought the descriptions of Anna's illness were a bit emotionless, until I got used to the style. That's not a criticism, the style just surprised me a little, but it worked.

I like the plot as it is, I'm not sure that it's necessary to put what the story that Anna wrote was, though maybe a brief description of what it was about, like when she told Luke about it, could be included... that's not essential though, I think it works just fine as it is.

A couple of bits surprised me, the birthday present from Luke, for one, and then when she died, both very good, surprising additions to the story; and I also like the description of the journal, and of the rooms with the purple-painted walls and flowery smell.

I thought it was very sweet that Luke missed her all those years, and looked for her book. A sad, but heartwarming story, well done!

 

[*~EMMER~*]

i read this in maths class and everyone asked me afterwards why i was so depressed just dont tell my teacher hehehe

its so sad it made me want to cry. but i really want to know at least a little about the book, thought not the whole thing. maybe she could show luke the starting couple of sentences?? and then that would be how he recognises it when it becomes published?? and then we get to see a little about the story

just a suggestion
well done

 

[wilderness]

Hey
Thanx for all the constructive critisism guys. When going over it next (Very busy will school work at the moment) I will definintly maybe write something about her book.
Thanx guys!
Lani