Who do you Marry & how do you know they are the one?

[Motokid]

Ha ha, my sincerest apologies

No problem...I've had my wrist slapped a few times here...just trying to save the thread from being locked...and showing we can do a bit of moderating on our own if we choose...

have a great Friday

 

[honeydevil]

sorry, but thanks for the informations... very interesting... and back to topic... look earlier, i think i said everything i wanted to..

(better?)

 

[Slacker]

I plea not guilty and I am outraged by the slur on my good posting name.

I was just talking sociology. . . ah, yeah, that's it. No religion to it, just boring old soch. Controversial you say? How could it be, when I slept through the class I supposedly learned it in? No whiff of controversy or religion here.

I move to have these charges dismissed, your Moto-ness.

You're also welcome honeydevil

 

[Carlos]

There has been a lot of marriage = commitment being written in this thread. Therefore I assume that the ppl writing this were never 100% committed to the relationship until they were married cos they could always walk away from it.

I’m repeating myself here but, after being married and signing the contract what is there to stop some-one just walking away from the relationship anyway? Get on a plane and live overseas, even the number 47 bus and live in the next suburb.

I just can not resolve this in my mind as I am the type of person that can make a decision and stay with it, without feeling the need to let anyone else know. After all it’s my decision and no-one elses..

If by getting married you change your mind set and the way you act, why could you not do this before you were married? Do you really need the physical act of signing a registry, or saying ‘I do’ to cement the commitment, or if you were unable to marry (for what ever reason, nuclear holocaust, stranded on a desert island), would you be unable to make that 100% commitment, even though you know that the person is the one you want to be with and they feel the same way?


?????

 

[Geenh]

So... what did you think about my situation?


Agree or not?

 

[Carlos]

Well, I have been married to he who hates ceremonies for almost 8 years. We met, moved in and were married within 8 months. We got married for a reason no one has yet brought up in here... well started as one reason and became two reasons.

Reason #1 - I am American by birth. Kook will tell you that it is VERY hard and VERY expensive to become an Australian permanent resident on your own. I was given a choice, have another child (born here in Australia), get married or have $350,000.00 and a business plan. Right... Hubby and I may or may not have gotten married without that push, who knows. As it was, it was a fantastic party and we're happy.

Reason #2 - VERY difficult to have an international adoption! What if I dies tomorrow? What would happen to our daughter (who is not hubby's by birth but by mutual love and chance that I was a true single mother before meeting him)? We were advised to let everyone think that he's her legal father so that if it came to the crunch, no one would ask otherwise.

I love my husband very much and he loves me! I took his last name and so has our daughter. I feel sad that there is such a large number of divorces (my father is a marriage freak... I am on Step Mother Mach 2.5)!

That's my 2 cents.

You got married to achieve a way of life and a live country that you desired to live in to the man you wanted to be with. Nothing wrong with that. It's was the easiest way to achieve your goals. I would do the same.

 

[Jenem]

I’m repeating myself here but, after being married and signing the contract what is there to stop some-one just walking away from the relationship anyway? Get on a plane and live overseas, even the number 47 bus and live in the next suburb.

it's the fact that after you marry, you AREN'T SUPPOSED to walk away. you made the pledge, did the whole shebang. there's supposed to be some importance attached to the act that means you don't walk away. i'm sure a lot of common law couples feel they aren't supposed to walk away either, they're in a committed relationship and that's it. but the marriage seals the deal for some people.

 

[Carlos]

i/snip

but the marriage seals the deal for some people.

I s'pose, a bit like the cowboys in the wild west, spitting on their hands before they shake, it symbolises a commitment, contract, agreement etc. Not using that analogue to demean marriage, you could jump over a broom to get married, or even go to a church, it doesn't matter.

I guess this is a fundamental difference between people, some need to crystallise a marriage, with whatever symbolism they choose, others don't.

I don’t

 

[Jenem]

I s'pose, a bit like the cowboys in the wild west, spitting on their hands before they shake, it symbolises a commitment, contract, agreement etc. Not using that analogue to demean marriage, you could jump over a broom to get married, or even go to a church, it doesn't matter.

I guess this is a fundamental difference between people, some need to crystallise a marriage, with whatever symbolism they choose, others don't.

I don’t

the first part of your response rings basically true. but the second part- not so much. well, for me anyway. it's not a need, it's a want. if you want to be married, you go through the ceremony.

this leaves me curious, Carlos. did you consider yourself married (in your common law relationship) before you wed? or did you say you were in a commited relationship? did you celebrate any sort of anniversary before you had to wed? did/do you celebrate your union?

over here, common law couples get all the benefits of married, but they are not generally considered married until they have the ceremony.

 

[ricky]

it's the fact that after you marry, you AREN'T SUPPOSED to walk away. you made the pledge, did the whole shebang. there's supposed to be some importance attached to the act that means you don't walk away. i'm sure a lot of common law couples feel they aren't supposed to walk away either, they're in a committed relationship and that's it. but the marriage seals the deal for some people.

yes, for some marriage does seal the deal, but for others, not so much. i am in a commonlaw relationship, and the idea of marriage freaks me out. i don't know if it has something to do with the fact that i have been married once before, and i walked away from that with almost no regrets of doing so. however, the person i am with now, is amazing, but frankly, the idea of marriage is very scary to me, because i don't know if i am ready to take that step again. his argument is that marriage is the ultimate commitment you make to someone, but i have to ask myself, do i want to make that ultimate commitment..? do i need a ceremony and a big to do to pledge my commitment to him...and telling a person that you will be with them forever, isn't that asking a lot from someone? people change, lives change..you evolve and sometimes people don't evolve together..wouldn't it be a better situation if you left instead of saying, 'i made this commitment to this person that we will be together forever', and then end up resenting the person and living a loveless life?

 

[honeydevil]

isn't that asking a lot from someone? people change, lives change..you evolve and sometimes people don't evolve together..wouldn't it be a better situation if you left instead of saying, 'i made this commitment to this person that we will be together forever', and then end up resenting the person and living a loveless life?

i'm with you, i think everything changes... it is a little heavy to ask for an "forever"... , but i think that is somethign everybody has to decide for themselves, some people rather live with somebody they dont love, than without anybody...

 

[ricky]

and it is such a sad exsistence....

 

[honeydevil]

and it is such a sad exsistence....

yeah, but imagine that some people like a perfect world even if it's only to pretend... some people are lonely and they rather have somebody who looks after them...

it's not my kind of world, i like it real and not shallow, but people are strange...

 

[ricky]

i don't think it's a matter of being strange, i think you nailed it when you said that people are terrified to be alone. as if you 'failed' at something if you didn't get married or have a life partner.....

 

[honeydevil]

i don't think it's a matter of being strange, i think you nailed it when you said that people are terrified to be alone. as if you 'failed' at something if you didn't get married or have a life partner.....

but even though society changed a lot in the last years, it's still rather unappreachiated not to get married, there is pressure from family, friends... i think that is wrong..

 

[ricky]

oh, totally.. i think that is why a majority of people decide to get married..not because they want to, but because, well, they've been together for some time, the next logical step would be to get married.

 

[honeydevil]

oh, totally.. i think that is why a majority of people decide to get married..not because they want to, but because, well, they've been together for some time, the next logical step would be to get married.

who do you think invented marriage? a man or a woman?

 

[ricky]

oh, a woman so invented it....think about it.....!

 

[honeydevil]

yeah i mean a man would be pretty stupid to invent something, where the girl has the ability to take all his money, and that legally and he can't take his girlfriend in a nice restaurant... that must suck

 

[Jenem]

well, i do see where you guys come from. some people are just not into marriage. i've seen it work and i've seen it not work. my husband's grandparents were married for 71 years and his parents have been married almost 40. my parents lasted only 12 years together.

the idea behind marriage is that your spouse enriches your life. the commitment is made because you appreciate that enrichment and want it to last forever. you trust that your spouse will be there for you.

obviously, it's not that for everyone. and not everyone gets married for the right reasons. as has been mentioned before, many people don't take marriage seriously anymore.