• Welcome to BookAndReader!

    We LOVE books and hope you'll join us in sharing your favorites and experiences along with your love of reading with our community. Registering for our site is free and easy, just CLICK HERE!

    Already a member and forgot your password? Click here.

More from the Most Bizarre Novel Ever Written

WolfLarsen

Member
Another excerpt from the novel
TEN THOUSAND PENISES IN YOUR EAR
By Wolf Larsen

WARNING: THIS MAY BE THE MOST BIZARRE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN!


The plot jumps a train going to Chengdu China or to Thessaloniki Greece or maybe to Vera Cruz Mexico but the train decides to become a cliff in Valparaiso Chile. Meanwhile the plot has been left in either Hong Kong or Athens or maybe Mexico City. So the reader and the writer fly together to Hong Kong Athens and Mexico City. We land in all three places together at the same time.

We walk through all the sUrgiNg and rElenTleSs and sOaRing of hoNg kOng and all the fiRe and crOwdS of aThenS and all the sEethiNg and viOlEncE and vAStneSs of meXicO ciTY. We hear a rumor that the plot might be in Istanbul. So we fly into all the jUmBled and enTanGlEd and diZzY of iStaNbuL but the plot has flown to America. We start SCREAMING at the plot as the plot sits happily in the sun on a beach somewhere. The plot eventually feels guilty and flys back to Istanbul to meet us but we’ve already left. The reader and the writer are on a plane to Calcutta or maybe New York or perhaps to Lima Peru. You ask me –

“So there were thousands of lunatics in bed with you?”

I said: “What did I say? What is a word? perhapS her vagiNa is croWded with citiEs and bUs terminAls and thOusands of cemetaRies. Thousands and then hundreds of thousands of little men swimming up your vagina just as fast as they can? What if alL the CattLe in noRth ameriCa were growiNg in yOur wifE’s wOmb?”

you said: “i’m inSide thOusands of a doG’s bRains at the moMent - Wolf, couLd I pleasE leT yoU coNsider tHe graY sideWaLk sir.”
I said: “I like dancing with all the atoms circling and circling inside your brain.”

you said: “we are circling and circling around each other’s brain cells buT wE’re iMpregNated bY a sEntence oN the pAge.”
I said: “pLeAsE rEaDeR hElp mE tO diG tHe gRaVeS oF tHe hUmAn rAcE? ”

a sunken ship said: “do we take pills to gravity and the skies now?”
and I SCREAMED “why is each person so much like millions and millions of words running away from each other?”

- so your wife’s ovaries were slithering down the walls of the plane. Genghis Kahn began walking back and forth on the plane’s wing as the plane flies through the air. Genghis Kahn doesn’t fall through the air because he didn’t understand airplanes.

Meanwhile, the plot had turned itself into the rug in your living room. However, you realize you don’t know where you’re going. The plane is headed either to Belfast or Montreal or Lagos - you don’t know where the plane is headed to! you start SCREAMING dysentery at me but I pull out a knife. Suddenly, you’ve forgotten where you live. YOU CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE YOU LIVE - you don’t remember what city you live in - you can’t remember what country you’re from either! Now you’re starting to forget the only language you know how to speak! You start YELLING at me but I can’t understand because you’re speaking in extinct languages.

Copyright 2004 by Wolf Larsen. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to read more you may click on:
Gothic Literature
 
Wolf, despite your self-proclamations this is nothing more than derivative pap and drivel. It is no more and no less than what can be found in hundreds of scrap books of first year lit students who took too much of the Beats ethos to heart and fell in love with unreasoned chaos, cheap symbolism and the myth of themselves as a “new” voice.

You often cite your influences as musician’s and artists. What you fail to appreciate is that those whom you cite have the ability to create realism. They have roamed around the foundation of their field, studied its structure and understand it. Too often others (you and the aforementioned owners of those scrapbooks) merely look at the end result and mimic failing to understand that what they like as new and groundbreaking is a byproduct of the conventional.

What you are attempting to do is simply a form off deconstruction of literary structure. It isn't new, is often practiced and is never successful outside of the hands a few. You have yet to realize that you can’t deconstruct what hasn’t been built. To put it in musical terms, you need to learn your scales.
 
That WARNING line reminds me of those ropey DVDs of old-fashioned stand-up comedy by Jim Davidson, Roy 'Chubby' Brown, Jethro (whoever he is) etc, which invariably say on the cover DO NOT BUY IF EASILY OFFENDED!! (Which is pretty much on the level of a thirteen-year-old putting up a sign on the school notice board for his chess club, headed SEX in big letters, thinking it's a new trick.) What they should all say, of course, is DO NOT BUY IF NOT EASILY PLEASED!!
 
Don't worry, Flor. It's not just you but the greater percentile that can't recognise true genius.
 
It just needs more bongos is all. Also, try swapping 'your wife's ovaries' for 'a monkey in a fez', 'hoNg kOng' for 'King Kong' and 'Genghis Kahn' for 'a talking dog called Edith'. And maybe, instead of the action taking place on a plane, it could be on a train. Ooh, and everyone knows everyone else, except perhaps for one chap with a moustache. He could be a funny little detective. One morning they wake up to find the monkey's been stabbed and his fez has been stolen. The obvious culprit is Edith, but perhaps not everything is quite as it seems. YES! It turns out the fez was actually made of Nazi gold which, as we all know, is King Kong's favourite sort of chocolate money. But could King Kong kill a fellow monkey? Yes, yes, I know King Kong isn't really a monkey, but I'm aiming for a Hollywood market here. Add a long car journey, a love interest and a couple of lonely housewives in search of themselves and I think you're on to a real winner.

It could probably do with a change of title too. 'Clara - Queen of the Hills'. Has a nice ring to it don't you think?
 
Litany - I like it! And also, the detective could turn out to also be a monkey in disguise (and if you like, Wolf, he could say penis a lot to fit into your style), who is really the biological father of both Kong and fez monkey.

Tears all 'round.
 
Yes, yes, I know King Kong isn't really a monkey..

He's not? But I always thought he was, ok so maybe he was a bit big boned but still. That means he is one of a kind, all alone..no one to monkey around with..oh that is so sad...

Wolf,
I'm sorry but I have no comment on your 'novel'. I didn't read the excerpt - well I have not finished '9,000 penises in your ear' yet, so I didn't want to read any possible spoilers, you understand.
 
The weirdest novel...

I think this would work if it was simply a short dream sequence where the narrator had just swallowed some bad magic mushrooms, but then wakes up and starts talking sense. If, however, this is the tone of the whole novel then it is drivel.
 
Oh, george, you missed when he first terrorized us with the beginning of this drivel. he is serious. and very delusional. or maybe he is a new kind of terrorist.
 
you're right. from now all we must take a stand and not post to his posts!

and i think it is first grade literature that is written with the constant use of I said, You said, they said. good grief. i doubt he has ever even taken writing class.
 
Back
Top