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  1. tommydarascal

    A Sweetbrier ... A twisted tale of love and hatred

    Hi! Thanks very much for your comment! I love your variation on the phrase you extracted from my story; I agree it would be a lot more effective. However, the whole "reply" issue relates to the idea that just before the story starts, Lennon proposes to Karissa. Hence my mentioning of it...
  2. tommydarascal

    A Sweetbrier ... A twisted tale of love and hatred

    ... Marriage would have been nothing but another bolt on her shackles, another addition to Lennon’s perverse control. This time, however – for the first and final time – he had underestimated her. She released the note, and watched it waft into the distance. As the Sweetbrier wilted, Karissa...
  3. tommydarascal

    A Sweetbrier ... A twisted tale of love and hatred

    This short story is about obsession and twisted love. I have explored the undercurrents which often occur in a relationship, and the extreme consequences that can erupt as a result of them. Suffice it to say some of this was quite difficult for me to write as, being only 16 myself, I have not...
  4. tommydarascal

    Quick Answer Please!

    Fabi: I have already read Intensity and it is excellent! It is definitely up there in my top ten... Anyway, I have recently bought "Promise Me" by Harlan Coben and "Gentlemen and Players" by Joanne Harris. "Promise Me" seems rather good ... I am 70 pages in.
  5. tommydarascal

    Stolen

    Thank you Stewart, you have really helped!
  6. tommydarascal

    Stolen

    Lol! I'm ever so sorry if the sentence structures didn't meet your expectations, Sirmyk, but to be honest I don't really care. :confused: Anyway, if anyone has anything to say that is a) constructive and b) worth my time reading, I would be very grateful! Thanks!
  7. tommydarascal

    Stolen

    Just before you read this, I promise I am not sick. Stolen The trees whisper at my greed At my arrogant, selfish need. Dirty and evil seems my lust As I thrust, Robbing the innocence and purity And this teenager’s virginity. Scream does she, screams out all her fears Which is music...
  8. tommydarascal

    Quick Answer Please!

    I would like to buy a new book tomorrow, and I need to have some ideas on what to buy. Please help! My question: What is the most suspenseful/best thriller out there?! Thanks everyone! PS. I am into psychological, messed-up-in-the-head thrillers ...
  9. tommydarascal

    What would you do if you lost your child?

    Yes, I did do this for school! :) And yes, I agree, I seem to be writing about horrifying things all the time ... all of my poems ... and stories ... Lol! Oh well, I suppose I'll have to try something different!
  10. tommydarascal

    What would you do if you lost your child?

    [Continued.] Foliage rushed past her as she stumbled through and exited this forest. The trees began to thin out, and soon a clear path lay wittingly in front of her. She followed it, staggering, moaning, until she came to a highway. Through her film of tears and her veil of grief, she stuck...
  11. tommydarascal

    What would you do if you lost your child?

    Hi everyone! This is a new short story I have written for an assignment; please comment! Also, you may draw some conclusions starting with the phrase, 'Yes but some mothers wouldn't...' but remember that all mothers are different ... Forest Christine sprints through the forest, dragging a...
  12. tommydarascal

    RP are you there?

    "That's right," squeaks a little critter - another Tommy. "We don't mean to be evil ... we are just told what to do by the Magical One." Flames burst out of Stiggy's pocket and he crushes it mercilessly like before. "We'd better go now, and destroy the evil Magical One Magician ... whatever you...
  13. tommydarascal

    RP are you there?

    "Ooooooooooooh wow!" shrieks Poppy, "This is like sooooo cool! Can they make it sunny and snowing at the same time? Can they make it rainy but hot at the same time? Can they make lightning without clouds? Can they? Can they? Can theyyyyyyyyy?" "Won't you shut up?" says Stiggy. "They're gonna...
  14. tommydarascal

    RP are you there?

    "Hmmmm," says Stiggy, "in this magical world of Nurgles and Demons, we have a folk song called 'Ohhhhhh Why Dont'cha Getcha Self A Nurgle?!'. Wanna sing it with me?"
  15. tommydarascal

    six minutes

    Hello Gee Zee! I thought you raised some very interesting issues so congrats for that. The only thing I think you could improve upon is your use of repetition. I can understand why you use it, but using it more than three or four times in a short piece of text like this starts to get a bit...
  16. tommydarascal

    RP are you there?

    The hamster opens its mouth. "I have recieved information," it says, "that you are trying to destroy the Riggerwald Magician." Stiggy raises his eyebrows. "The magician wishes to send you a message." Suddenly, the blue orb disappears and the hamster drops to the floor. It shakes itself and...
  17. tommydarascal

    Scary Setting

    Any comments would be really helpful ...
  18. tommydarascal

    RP are you there?

    He also gives her a lot of information on Nurgles --- a lot --- just encase she ever came across another one. But the amount of info he gives her is rather suspicious, as if he were one himself. "Stiggy, I want to go and do the Riggerwald quest now coz I'm boooooooored!" Stiggy gives her a...
  19. tommydarascal

    RP are you there?

    Poppy laughs and slaps his arm. "Honestly," she says, "if we can't have a camp fire, at least let me go back and have a shower so I can wash my hair. And let me change my clothes because all of this green totally isn't going with my red boots!" Stiggy is losing his cool. He might just turn...
  20. tommydarascal

    RP are you there?

    Suddenly, Stiggy crushes the thingy - or Tommy - in his pocket with a snarl. "This is why we are going to destory the Riggerwalds," he says. "It's like a disease. If somebody with the 'Riggerwald Symptom' - or 'RS' - touches you, then you get it..." Poppy looks at Stiggy strangely. "What are...
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