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An excerpt from Rave Girl

David.Jerome

New Member
Chapter One.




Synchronized with pulsating lights, the bass pumped through the giant speakers like a massive cardiac arrest. Red and blue beams cut the pitch-blackness, as the booming techno and house mix brought the crowd alive on the dance floor.
Those on cocaine danced fearlessly. X users ebbed and flowed, drowning in the dance floor’s raging torrent. Meth-addicts grinded aggressively, grabbing and being grabbed, by any and everyone, until an orgy of grinding hips viciously swirled on and around them. Those who mixed drugs lost identity completely, dancing erratically then listlessly without warning.

Outside, in the warm June night, young women lay lifeless against the walls by the back door of the club. Bent over or sprawled out on the floor, they vomited, limitless cleavage and thongs exposed, moaning after each spew. Others could be heard laughing, while a guy or girlfriend held them up, keeping their weak bodies from collapsing on the ground—something many girls did repeatedly, sometimes only seconds between falls.

A tan-skinned woman with light-brown hair sat outside against the wall. She wore a white blouse with a blue and purple pinstriped skirt. Her back arched. She held her head against the wall with both hands clasping her forehead. Her legs were spread open, nothing underneath her skirt, which had a slit on the right side of her thigh, all the way up to her hip.
The woman’s legs rocked and swayed. Her head rushed; she braced herself though the intensity of it, amplified by the universe spinning. She rocked steadily, letting the warm late-spring breeze blow between her legs. Heart pounding, she put one hand between her thighs, rubbing herself, briefly distracting her from the whirring chaos in her head.
Stroking herself, she lightly banged her head rhythmically against the brick wall of the club, storms raging through her mind. Her wild, untamed hair flared vibrantly as her middle finger pressed harder and moved faster, soon being joined by her forefinger. Her other hand ran through her hair, grabbing a lock of it. She rubbed vigorously between her legs, pitting strong sexual sensations against the all-consuming tempest in her head, warring against it, fighting with fervent strokes of her fingers.
She breathed hard. The sensory feast between her legs raged on, until she had an impossibly hard climax. Her mouth gaped open, letting out a deep growl as she came. She banged her head against the brick wall, and fell over on her side. She grabbed her head, screaming, and her heart rate became volatile. Her orgasm was over; she had no weapon left to distract her mind, while legions of pulsating, spinning sensations invaded it.
Her hands grabbed the sides of her head. She rocked hard, drawing her knees to her chest then away in rapid motions; she felt like she was being launched high into stormy clouds at hundreds of miles an hour, in zigzagging, broken patterns of flight.

Her chest pounded right before going into a sudden heart attack. She slumped to the floor. Then, her body lay still.


A tall blonde walked by. She wore a tight blue mini-skirt, a blue halter-top, and red, glittered stilettos. She stumbled over the woman’s body, and caught the wall with her outstretched palm, nearly falling to her knees. Her breasts popped out of her low-cut halter-top. She stood, gathering herself. Her right nostril bled. Her hair, messed up. She adjusted her skirt and left her breasts as they were, bouncing unrestricted, heels clattering as she moved.
The blonde wiped her nose with her bare hand as she stepped over the body. She wiped the blood on her skirt, and went back in the club.
 
my advice : think up something better; more words; more adjectives more intelligent thought
Definitely plenty of that in the book. As far as adjectives specifically, there's lots of that in this passage here. As far as intelligent thought, this scene describes a rave. Not much philosophical musing goes on in such places. But again, in other scenes in the book, there's lots of that.
 
:lol:

Perv. :whistling:

Wel, thanks a whole lot, Sparky! It is the freewheeling informality of this place that makes it so charming. Is that what you call all your friends?

And BTW, were you the same friend who was deleting my posts yesterday afternoon? :confused:
 
Wel, thanks a whole lot, Sparky! It is the freewheeling informality of this place that makes it so charming.

And BTW, were you the same friend who was deleting my posts yesterday afternoon? :confused:

Nope. Not me. Besides, I thought you went to great pains to let us all know you were ignoring the thread.

Also, I want an illustrated version as well. ai5.photobucket.com_albums_y187_sparkchaser1998_smileys_naughty.gif
 
Wouldn't entice me to read the rest of the book. Surely this can't be considered reading enjoyment. :confused:
 
Somehow I find your description of an orgasm wholly unconvincing. Maybe that's just me.

Also, I don't quite understand why the people in the club dance according to which drug they take. It is almost as if you are describing a party of robots or North Korean synchronized shows where everyone moves according to the role they have been assigned. I just can't picture all XTC-users moving about uniformly.

If manuscriptx means that you lack in variety of adjectives and suchlike, I agree, the vocabulary seems a little monotonous.
 
Rave Girl Excerpt #2

The cab dropped her off near the strip. Maya began walking. She had no plan. She would just walk. Walking through crowds of people, it became painfully obvious, that she was the only one out by herself.

Everywhere seemed to check for ID. Maya got into a few bars, which only checked ID’s if she tried to order a drink. Tired of walking, she sat at a bar stool and put her head down. The bartender asked if she wanted anything; Maya just shook her head, knowing he’d ask to see her license.
She stayed at the bar for almost an hour. No one offered to buy her a drink.

She went back to wandering the strip. People were drunk, showing skin, and seemed happy. Everyone had someone else to be happy with.

Across the street from her, a huge club with flashing lights eclipsed everything else on the block. Already jam-packed, it had people lined up around the block waiting to get in. Maya stood on the sidewalk staring at the club. She watched people walking in and out, lively, laughing and loud.
Maya started tearing up, and became angry with herself. She couldn’t stop crying. She wiped every tear, trying not to let it ruin her make-up, but they kept coming. She then started walking, because people were staring at her. Maya looked over her shoulder, across the street at the club, where everyone looked happy. She wished she were one of them. She had lived in so many places growing up, that she rarely had a chance to make friends.

Maya stopped walking, forgetting about people staring at her. She just watched everyone around the club; even those waiting in line seemed joyous. With Fourth of July one day away, fireworks crackled. They were shimmering and beautiful. Maya sobbed.
A young twenty-something man walked with a group of mostly young girls. He wore a white silk shirt, black pants, and shiny black shoes. He had short, trimmed hair. He slapped hands with the bouncer of the huge club, and they patted each other on the arm. The young man said something, and everyone laughed. Then, he pointed at his troupe of adoring fans, and the bouncer let them skip the line. They started walking in.
Maya watched them as they entered the club. Happy.

Maya ran across the street as fast as she could in clattering heels, wiping her eyes. She reached the sidewalk, then started walking, trying to gather herself. She walked quickly. The young man in silk walked past the bouncer, and she grabbed him by the arm.
The man in silk turned around, stunned. The bouncer glared at her. Maya slowly put her other hand on his arm, her head down, not looking at him. Her glistening eyes looked up into his. She leaned in on her tiptoes, and whispered in his ear.

“If you get me in…I’m yours tonight. Completely…yours.”

Maya lowered herself back onto her heels. She took her hands off the young man. He stood speechless. She stared at the floor.

I’m so fucking stupid.

Maya’s eyes welled up again, embarrassed at what she had done. She never begged anyone for anything, no matter how desperately she wanted or needed something. She now pleaded with a stranger to desire her.

I’m…so…fucking—

Maya felt an arm around her waist. She looked up slightly. He was gesturing to the bouncer.
“She’s coming too.”
 
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