Poem: Dancing at the Winter Fair

[tugger]

Since Spring has started to bring warm weather, thought I'd post a winter poem. Just because.



DANCING AT THE WINTER FAIR

the crisp air and your hand on my shoulder
my wet pants cuff taps at my shoe

a chorus of snowflakes sweep across our ears
like whispers

spinning into each word our conversation
is a cloud of breath

the song drifts around us
the wind twists the surrounding woods

love deepens like snow

-- tugger

 

[Wabbit]

Liked it

The last line? Was it your intention to convey that love is going bad or getting better?

Snow is cold and frigid so it's not good, although it fits with winter theme, to use it to convey love getting better.

If it was the former then perfect

Regards
SillyWabbit

 

[tugger]

The last line? Was it your intention to convey that love is going bad or getting better?

Thanks Wabbit. Good point. When I wrote the poem I don't think I was even thinking about love as bad or good. Just that it was growing between the two characters in the poem. Being the goosh that I am, I guess I always initially assume that love is good. Plus, I like snow (at least, until it gets nasty) so, wait... I forgot the point I was going to make... oh yeah, that's what I love about getting your feedback, because you usually have a different take on things than most everyone else. I mean that as a compliment.

 

[Wabbit]

LOL as long as it's a compliment

Words carry weight. Every word is like an echo and redolent of something. Echo upon echo. When writing each word has to be plucked carefully and placed carefully, I think.

Regards
SillyWabbit

 

[third man girl]

my wet pants cuff taps at my shoe

Lovely, apart from the wet pants. I know you're talking about trousers, but for a British reader, 'wet pants' doesn't work.

Surprised Wabbit didn't mention it, but then Wabbits don't wear pants - or trousers

Third Man Girl

 

[tugger]

Lovely, apart from the wet pants. I know you're talking about trousers, but for a British reader, 'wet pants' doesn't work.

Hahahaha. Funny you should say that. Originally the line was:

my wet pants leg taps my shoe

Even American readers would have had a chuckle at the double meaning of THAT! Maybe the whole line needs to be revamped a bit.