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The Illiterate Messiah of Illiterate Literature Puking a Poem at You

Discussion in 'Writers' Room' started by WolfLarsen, May 18, 2015.

  1. WolfLarsen

    WolfLarsen Member

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    The Illiterate Messiah of Illiterate Literature Puking a Poem at You
    a poem by his Excellency the Grand Illiterate Messiah of Illiterate Literature: Wolf Larsen

    Warning: some sexual imagery you have been warned!


    I will now puke a new poem at you!

    The sea of craziness in my testicles is a giant painting of everything devouring the world with one gulp!

    My penis shoots the words across universes of dandelions...

    My hands gesture new words into existence every second — and as the seconds fly by my hands create the new words
    that will create the new poetry that will create the new world!

    All I ask is for the reader to get on his knees in submission before the poem!

    Because the poem is a hurricane drowning reality and flooding the world with the brains of the Poet...

    Only the Poet can be a god, only the Painter can be a god, only the Composer can be a god!

    With his music the Composer composes the world into existence...

    The Painter crates a new world every time he creates a painting...

    And the Poet stands in the center of the universe creating everything with poetry...

    Each word is made out of steel!

    Each poem is a fire burning down everything in its path just like the great Shermans March!

    I am a civil war exploding out of me, every poem is an explosion of me!

    Each phrase of poetry is a tidal wave!

    Each poem is an eternal sea surrounding the reader, and all readers must drown in my words...

    My spermatozoa created the world!

    And I built the universe with my bare hands!

    My pen is the phallus that all women crave!

    My poetry is colonial architecture throughout new Spain from the Rio Grande to Patagonia!

    My poetry is every volcano on the planet waiting to explode right now!

    My poetry is 1000 Salvador Dali clones all babbling surrealistic imagery in your brain night and day — my poetry is your 24 hour seven day a week nightmare!

    Give me your wife! I will create giant art with your wife! I will create a grand new universe with all of your wives & mothers & daughters because I am the Poet — I am the horny-ist thing that has ever lived!!

    My lust seethes in every poem like the earth under your feet seething with earthquakes!

    My love is a giant earthquake that you must surrender to!

    My fists are ready for other men! In self-defense so many males have fallen before my fists!

    Let the desert sands carry my poetry across the earth!

    Let eternity embrace my poetry!

    Let my poetry create a new planet — a new human race — a new society! I am the Poet — I am the Messiah of words!

    Poetry begged for me to be born!

    And here I am!

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!


    Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen
     
  2. canuck

    canuck Active Member

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    Currently Reading:
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    Still going strong I see Wolf.
     
  3. WolfLarsen

    WolfLarsen Member

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    Warning: some sexual themes. If you are against sex or are very religious you may wish to stop reading now. You have been warned!

    The Boing Boing Boing Needs to Boom Boom Boom!
    A Fnippaa-Zwoonk-P000ingggg by Wolf Larsen


    Just when you think you have found the ground it disappears on you! You can flacka flacka flacka with the schmip-fwaap-whoops, but then what soda pop to drink? Achooo! But even then the blam blam blam goes f00pedy-doo with your shoe. And that’s bad, which is good!

    So too many penises are not the answer! Because too many penises are the answer!

    And that’s why I’d like to announce: GaZackaClackaBoiing! Poing Poing Poing!

    Because there’s not enough toilet paper! Because there’s not enough milk! Because the strawberries in your penis!

    So let’s sing a disco church choir to all the big penis walruses in the sea! So let’s dwaddle a fnoopy with a Scilly do bop! You know what I mean?

    We need more slogans! We need more feet for all the people! More pedophile priests for all the hallelujah! More battleships for the fish! More scrambled eggs for all the clouds!

    More sadness! More blood! More sneezes!

    Without more sneezes how can we bless the food?

    More noble peace prizes for war criminals, for how else can we wipe our asses? Because if we don’t wipe our donkeys with toilet paper then we can use the rich man’s money from the bailouts to wipe our donkeys!

    Vote for more asses! Vote for more elephants! Vote for more fish in the sea!

    An ass for President! An ass for noble peace prize! A black ass is more progressive than a white ass!

    **** your birds! **** your airplanes! Play margarine with all your sexy feet! Because if millions of madmen are not kissing your sexy feet then how can we save the world from terrorists?? The terrorists are threatening the supply of toilet paper! Did you know that? Huh? I bet you didn’t know that! Code orange! Code blue! Code pee in your pants! Let’s spy on everybody now! Why not? I have a rock in my shoe!

    Do you prefer a big fat elephant with white skin? Or do you prefer an ass with black skin? How about an ass with a vagina? How about a Latino elephant? What, you didn’t know that elephants could be Latino?

    But I lost my give a **** on Mars! I lost my give a **** trying to have anal sex with an ostrich on Pluto. Pluto is where there’s lots of toilet paper, lots & lots of toilet paper! I like toilet paper! I will wait in line for hours & hours to buy toilet paper! Down with the terrorists and their plans to destroy American values of lots & lots of toilet paper! Diabetes now! Have a cup/can/bottle of diabetes and a smile!

    So a big hug for “socialist” slogans to kiss the ass of an ass! So a big immaculate conception for capitalism! Give me herpes now! Give me leprechauns riding unicorns! Vote for the feet fetish party! Why don’t we have a feet fetish party?? It’s time for a feet fetish party!

    Do you have enough toenails for your feet? Do you have enough foreclosures on your street? Do you have two elbows? How about a yacht? Would you like a military intervention with that? Let’s blow up all the pelicans with predator drones, now now now! I hate pelicans!

    What if you suddenly grew a penis between your legs, and you forgot your vagina at home? What if they raised the minimum wage to $20 million a year? Which is what my boss makes for playing golf and fucking his secretary. I wonder how my boss’s golf game is going? Has he given his pretty secretary herpes yet?

    These are the questions which all of the froooping frogs in the rainforest want to know. They want to know so bad! It’s time for more political speeches! More political speeches to all the froooping frogs in the rainforest! More sewer covers for all the clouds! More traffic lights for all the newborn babies! How else do you expect gravity to disappear??

    F00ka-Muuka-Schnnuuunnuuukaa!

    You know what I mean?!


    Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen

    Advance permission is given to others to publish and distribute this work as long as credit is given to the author Wolf Larsen, the work is not edited or changed in any manner, and the purpose of such publication & distribution is not hostile.
     
  4. WolfLarsen

    WolfLarsen Member

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    Warning: some sexual themes. If you are very very religious, or have a problem with sex you can stop reading now. You have been warned.

    Today I Found Milk!
    A short story by Wolf Larsen

    Today I found milk! Today I took all my nuclear submarines & belly buttons & testicles out of my dresser drawer, and I took them all to the store and I bought milk! Milk! A treasure! Gold!

    The people had a parade for me: I found milk!

    The minors all digging into different parts of the giant orange sky all screamed: he found milk!

    At the store I found clouds, and numerous absurdities, and I even found dead people who were now alive! Milk! I might as well have found Marilyn Monroe fucking all the horsemen of the apocalypse! Milk! I might as well have found 10,000 strangers all exchanging body organs with each other. I might as well have been dancing to the tune of neo-classical music bursting out of a giant baboon’s ass in heaven! Milk! Tidal waves of earthquakes are going to roll through our brains as the drums play the heavens falling down upon us — milk! —

    Today I found milk!

    I also scored a kilo of coffee — a kilo of coffee! — Soon the rainbows are going to be whispering their celestial drugs to us! A kilo of coffee! Soon the gods are going to unleash all their orgasms upon all the species in the universe! A kilo of coffee! A kilo! A whole kilo! You might as well invite the devil & God to preside over the homosexual orgies of the 22nd century — because a kilo of coffee! — because a kilo of dreams!

    Maybe tomorrow I’ll find soap! Soap! May the sky tickle me! May all the whorehouses bless me with centuries of anuses & vaginas! Soap! If only I could find real soap! The kind you take a shower with! Then I might kiss every sunset that has ever blasted across the sky! If only tomorrow I could find some soap! And without waiting in a line that goes around the block!

    This is not socialism! This is capitalism dressed up in the lingerie of socialism!

    What if I found detergent? You know the kind you wash your clothes with! Detergent! May every cop in America kiss my butt ox if only I could find some detergent! You know, to clean my clothes! Hell, I might as well pray to all the cockroaches for God’s great big butt ox to sing to me like Pavarotti! Detergent! Hallelujah! Detergent!

    And toilet paper! Hey brother, can you spare some toilet paper? But if I can’t find toilet paper I can always use the currency to wipe my ass with! So much currency! Forget about big wads of cash — that ain’t nothin’ — I carry around bricks of cash! — and I can’t even buy milk on most days! What if I took the giant butterflies out of my crotch and rode across the universe with them? Do you wish for more money? But you can’t buy anything with these bricks of money you carry around with you! You might as well jump into somebody else’s anus and stay there for a century!

    How about granola cereal? Granola cereal? How about playing the blue sky with your fingers? How about kissing Barack Obama’s & George Bush’s butt ox over & over again until you don’t know which sky you live under! You might as well pull all the elephants & donkeys of Congress out of your ass! You might as well worship the shit in the toilet you just created! How about that for an artistic statement?!

    Just goddamn it! Goddammit to all the birds in the sky! Goddammit to all the toenails on our feet! Granola cereal? You want granola cereal?!

    It’s the socialism of capitalists who wear pink & red shirts and shout endless slogans praising a revolution that never happened! I met this fanatical revolutionary! The revolution had paid for her tits & ass! Tits & ass! Where’d you get that tits & ass? She got it from the revolution! She’s a revolutionary! So the revolution paid for it! Most days I can’t get no milk, no detergent, no soap, no coffee — but she can get some tits and ass!

    I can’t get no toilet paper either! Should I start using my left hand? I use my right hand for masturbation — so I sure as hell ain’t gonna use my right hand as toilet paper!

    I know who’s got the toilet paper! The rich people got it! They’ve got all of it! I’m going to break into some rich person’s house and steal all the toilet paper! How you like me now you bourgeois motherfuckers?!

    In this revolution the rich people got all the tits & ass, and they got all the toilet paper too! I don’t give a shit if they’re right-wing or “left”-wing capitalist assholes, I just want some toilet paper! When I break into the rich people’s homes I ain’t going to steal their money, or their caviar, or their jewelry. I’m going to steal all the toilet paper! Imagine the rich people’s surprise when after they’re done sitting on their thrones and there ain’t no toilet paper! Because I’m going to steal from the rich, and give to the poor!

    Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen
     
  5. Polly Parrot

    Polly Parrot Moderator Staff Member

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    Has any of this been published outside forums?
     
  6. Conscious Bob

    Conscious Bob Well-Known Member

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    Published on a church wall, sprayed in 10000 litres of semen pumped from his mighty phallus or something like it no doubt.
     
  7. WolfLarsen

    WolfLarsen Member

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    Bob you have me laughing my tail off! That was great!

    Somebody asked if this material has been published outside of literary forms. None of the material posted here has been published outside of literary forms.

    However, older stuff has been published in nearly 50 literary magazines.

    A small collection of my poetry was also published in Australia.

    And then I self published a whole bunch of stuff. It's on Amazon. Nobody buys my stuff on Amazon, people prefer to read my stuff for free.
     
  8. A very special guest

    A very special guest New Member

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    Have a go at something intelligent and real.
    Challenge yourself.
     
  9. Conscious Bob

    Conscious Bob Well-Known Member

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    Unique WolfLarsen, definitely unique.
     
  10. SFG75

    SFG75 Well-Known Member

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    I hear James Patterson is teaching a writing class........
     
  11. sparkchaser

    sparkchaser Administrator and Stuntman Staff Member

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    If you post it for free here, why would someone buy it?
     
  12. SFG75

    SFG75 Well-Known Member

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    What's the title of the works?
     
  13. WolfLarsen

    WolfLarsen Member

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    Hail Satan Now!
    A love poem to Satan by Wolf Larsen

    Warning: do not read this if you do not like sex, or if you are a strong believer in some invisible friend in the sky! You have been warned!

    Satan!

    I love you like a penis loves a vagina!

    I love you like spermatozoa loves something giant & pink & beautiful to swim into!

    The orgies of hell are the most desired destiny of any man or woman!

    Satan! You are my music!

    You are the greatest love — you Satan are the garden of heavenly delights in my testicles — my beautiful testicles full of knowledge & evil! My beautiful testicles yearning to spill young devil worshipers into every woman’s womb!

    Let Satan be your northern star! Let Satan’s skin surrounding the earth be the soil where you plant the evil fruit of joy!

    Because Satan is our daily bread! Satan is our Savior! Only Satan can save us from the tyranny of religious fanatics trying to enforce their reign of Puritanism upon us!

    Because I love Satan like a baby loves it’s Mama’s tit! Welcome Satan into your hearts the same way you welcome spermatozoa into your pussy!

    Because Satan is a thousand horny dogs howling to the moon! Because Satan grew in the womb of the Virgin Mary after the large black phallus of the Holy Ghost visited her! Because every large black phallus inside of a white woman is a gift from the glorious god of sex known as Satan!

    The interracial love of black man with white woman — and white man with black woman — is the great wave of sensuality that will save the human race! Beautiful interracial babies from our love conceptions conceived in millions of embraces of lust & joy!

    Let us build a Baroque hell of the most sumptuous luxury! Sensual drapes dripping desire & sex everywhere! Let black naked flesh at midnight be your calling! And white flesh will fill your afternoons with everything succulent & delicious & good! For mass interracial orgies now in all of the streets & temples & bedrooms of the land!

    Let men exchange wives under the smiling gaze of Satan! Let immaculate conception bless our naked bodies at every key party! Let us build giant skyscraper love monuments to the greatness of Satan’s eternal phallus!

    Because you know you want your body to be Satan’s sex toy! You know that in Satan’s loins is the greatest orgasm splashing through your body! The touch of Satan’s hands on your body is the most glorious sensual art!

    Because only Satan can show you the most pleasurable eternity! That goody two shoe heaven of boring harps is the eternal damnation of the good! Hell is the great pleasure garden of the bad!

    Let evil triumph with the mass flowering of sin! Give your body to evil! Let Satan & his lover the Virgin Mary be the great sex god & goddess that you’ve always yearned for! Let Satan & the Virgin Mary & yourself be the most delicious menage a trois!

    Satan will always save you from the chaste & boring!

    Let literature never be chaste & boring!

    Let the era of Satan begin! Let’s begin an era of great sexual abundance! The orgy of billions swirling around the planet earth is the poetry that the human race needs...

    Hail Satan now! Let the orgies begin!

    Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen
     
  14. Conscious Bob

    Conscious Bob Well-Known Member

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    I liked that one, hiding positive messages you're a sneaky bugger WolfLarsen.
     

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