The Lonely Traveller

[Marquis Rex]

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The Lonely Traveller

With no final destination to reach
- no more lessons to preach
With no place to come home to
he just keeps on driving through

Many will befriend him
this thoughtful, lonely pilgrim
But non of them can make him stay
in the end he'll drive away

His road has been and still is long
he's a loner who needs to be strong
His heart seeks love, it seeks a home
but alas it is his fate to roam

Each new friend he leaves behind
stays with him in his mind
Lingers in his aching heart
as he sets out for another fresh start

Through night and day he travels on
knowing that the past is gone
Thinks of all he's learnt and seen
of all the places he has been

He feels worn out, his mind is jaded
the young man he was has faded
But he is tough, he will keep going
as the insight in his heart keeps growing

He is loved and truly cared for
by those who opened up the door
to his closed off, lonely spirit
that had let no one near it

These people taught him what trust is
and gave him moments of true bliss
They showed him what it means to share
and have friends who are always there

Even though they've joined his past
their love for him will ever last
The advise they gave was wise and clever
and will live on in him forever

He keeps driving, mile after mile
- on his lips a half-hearted smile
The winds may change, but they still blow
and there are places he has yet to know

Above him stars as bright as glitter
his heart is true and he's not bitter
Sometimes he's happy, sometimes he's blue
but he keeps on driving through...
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This is about someone familiar. Some written word not only reflects the time and emotion it was written in, it strikes a chord so deep.....it brings a tear...
Comments and feedback is invited....

 

[Crystal]

nothing particular to say.

As Tagore once said, life is like a boat where we meet, when it arrives at the destination, we will leave one another in all directions. but he also said this---One word keep for me in thy silence, O World, when I am dead, I have loved.

I don't think the traveller in your poem felt lonely.

Best wishes,

well, maybe he did feel lonely.

 

[Stewart]

it strikes a chord so deep.....it brings a tear...

Comments and feedback is invited....

Not to me. It lacks rhythm.

There's no punctuation through it leaving it as one big impossibly structured sentence.

It falls into the trap of telling me about him and not showing him to me.

With no final destination to reach
- no more lessons to preach
With no place to come home to
he just keeps on driving through

The sound of the 'D' in this opening line is too strong for the rest of the sounds in the opening line. The number of syllables in the the second line falls short of creating a steady rhythm i.e. from 10 in the first line to 6 in the next. If you were to change this to eight syllables then you have a beat.

i..e

With no final destination to reach
And no more lessons left to preach

But the word destination doesn't really fit.

Having no place he needs to reach
And no more lessons left to preach

This now drops to eight syllables per line and creates a steadier rhythm.

With no place to come home to
he just keeps on driving through

The word come isn't right here as the preferred word would be go. Having no place to go home to isn't much of a criteria to drive on through though. What pushes him through rather than stop?

I'm stopping here though.

 

[Ou Be Low hoo]

Many will befriend him
this thoughtful, lonely pilgrim
But non of them can make him stay
in the end he'll drive away

If I wanted to be as pedantic as Abulafia, I would mention that I think it would be better to use 'none', instead of 'non' in this stanza.

Otherwise, your poem makes me think 'Egg?'

Yum.