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Are you offended - really????

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Motokid

Motokid

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I'm getting a little weary of the constant need to defend a simple post, or explain, or apologize... all this talk of "possibly" offending people is making me tired. The "pc" police are getting out of hand.

Have you ever, really been offended by anything you've read here? If so please explain what exactly offended you and/or how it could have been handled better.

I don't think people here post specifically to offend. I know I don't. I may run a wild tangent to get the conversation going, or keep it going, but I don't think that's the problem.

Text only has the emotion you read into it. If you are getting offended is it not possible you are reading something into it that was not intentionally there to begin with?

Am I wrong here, or are we getting carried away with the need to explain and apologize for things that are not intentional?
 
Motokid - I pretty much agree with you. I would say that the mods try and let things like the 'no politics and no religion' rule slide, and try and trust us not to go too far. The trouble is when people complain and say they will leave the site, they close the thread, which gives the impression that policy is being dictated by the complainers rather than inforced by Mods (at least in my eyes). The only way to have consistancy is to inforce the rule of 'no politics and no relegion' in the way it is written. However 'politics' is so far ranging that this would mean closing a lot of threads on the off-topic board and I suspect that a hell of a lot of member would leave, and the mods damn well know it. A quick look at the number of posting column against all the differnet boards seems to indicate that people come here because of the shared love of books but may well choose to stay because they can talk about a FULL range of other topics.
 
i don't think i get offended but i've had my back up a few times. but i also have enough sense to realize people have differing views and just agree to disagree. imo people confuse offense with discord. it seems that if we disagree or argue, then i must be offended by your opinion, when in reality my feelings are not hurt. i don't log off and cry or stomp around. if someone said that being a stay at home mom was not as hard as a 9-5 job or ( i can't think of anything really erroneous), then i might go on a bit of a rant, but i would realize they were either misinformed or unaware or whatever. but my feelings wouldn't be hurt. now if someone read something i wrote and called me a stupid whore of a woman, yeah i'd be offended.
 
I never get personally offended by anything on a message board.

I think every post has an implicit choice under it:
-Strongly Agree
-Agree
-Disagree
-Strongly Disagree
-No Comment

Why else would you post to such a board if you did not want and respect others' opinions and, furthermore, think that it's fun to exchange ideas, even if you don't agree with everyone?


The politics and religion rule is, IMO, about preventing arguments that escalate, show no listening capability, and are unresolvable. I generally don't think that's what goes on here. I think people are sensible enough to take a stab at humor and air some different ideas and then move on. That's what it's all about, whether you're talking about books or something else.
 
also in line with what kenny was saying. i think the mods are great about letting things slide. so many topics bleed into religion and politics that it is not black and white and they just try and lock down the stuff that gets too sketchy. i can honestly say that i love this forum, not only for the books, but being in the company of people who read, and so have so many differing views and can articulate their arguements without resorting to yeah well you're stupid. i love to argue, or read debat. it's invigorating. but it can be mind numbing if you are agruing with people who don't do the research. and if nothing else holds us together here it is that someone has done the research. it is a shame that people feel the need to complain. i just avoid areas where i either don't have an opinion, or don't want to share it. i never posted on the terry thread. i didn't feel that i could contribute because i was unsure of my feelings. but i certainly wasn't offended by others feelings.
 
How can you be offended by someone on a message board?

That said i havent seen any topics that have progressed beyond stating your opinion. If you cannot handle people disagreeing with you, you should not use message boards.

Comparing this forum to others i sometimes visit, it is remarkably well behaved. But maybe i'm just flameresistant after many years on the internet.
 
I don't really remember ever being offended by anything I have read here; I have thought some things were strange though. I think if anyone gets offended they should ask themselves why. I once read something that made me angry, but that was a direct attack on me, and I did lose my temper, but after I just felt stupid for doing so.
Being offended just shows your own insecurity about your opinions or your own ignorance. If someone says something you disagree with, you should be able to respect that view and not get offended and make the debate degenerate into "you are fat, ugly and stupid" replies.
 
I've never been offended, but I know of people, numerous even, who were offended enough by some post on this forum to leave and never come back.

Cheers
 
Martin said:
I've never been offended, but I know of people, numerous even, who were offended enough by some post on this forum to leave and never come back.

Cheers
Click to expand...

In retrospect, do you think they were reading the communications rationally? Do you think there was something legitimate to be offended about?

Sometimes people just move on for their own reasons. I recently had an exchange with someone who left, but several of her recent posts said, "the only reason I'm here is . . ." In other words, "I really don't like this forum. I'm just tolerating it."
 
if you are going to take offense to other people's opinions and then complain about those people, then really what right do you have to voice your own. how would you know that you, in turn, are not offending others. if you're gonna play, you gotta pay.
attacking someone personally, as happened to hay, who handled it well imo, is offensive. having an unpopular opinion, and then sticking by it, is brave.
 
Martin said:
I've never been offended, but I know of people, numerous even, who were offended enough by some post on this forum to leave and never come back.

Cheers
Click to expand...
The flip side to this is that if you then enforce the rules more tightly other posters 'numerous even' will feel they are being censored and will ‘leave and never come back’. The reason I came here was that the current books message board I was on had a clamp down on off-topic conversation to the point there it didn't feel as friendly anymore (a similar clamp-down there had led to a 'rebel board' being set up which large numbers of the posters migrated too).
To be honest the application of rules over the last few days has come across to me as being rather heavy-handed and would have been better handled by more gradual warnings rather than just the closing of threads; I accept that this may have happened by private message without my knowledge. But then, as with all boards, the site-owner and mods must set the tone and the posters then make the choice as to whether that tone suits them or not.
 
jenngorham said:
having an unpopular opinion, and then sticking by it, is brave.
Click to expand...
Which is why in the recent 'Do you worry about terrorism' thread my disagreement with the opinion of Hollis did not stop me respecting her for being the only one to air it.
 
I just want to interject here that I think the mods do a stellar job most of the time, over the long haul. Thanks crew!

Funny enough, I think the discussion of what should be moderated and why is more problemmatic than the typical opinion and humor posts. It puts the mods on the spot, you know.
 
Martin said:
I've never been offended, but I know of people, numerous even, who were offended enough by some post on this forum to leave and never come back.

Cheers
Click to expand...


this is not meant to challenge you as a mod, i realize that you are providing a service. but does anyone here want to interact with someone who can't cope with differing opinions. i'm having a hard time stating this without sounding harsh, so i will give an example:
we owned a restaurant for years, and we had a cusmtomer who complained about everything.after many attempts to accomodate(including comp'ed meals) my mom said, politely, you do not seem happy with us or our food, perhaps you would be happy elsewhere?
we couldn't make her happy and didn't want to pigeon hole ourselves trying to do so, so she was not a customer that we wanted. we were happy to have her, but she obviously did not like us, so we could see no point continuing trying to please her.
i'm not questioning the rules on religion or politics. i just worry that in our attempts to sanitize and be pc, we will become dull.
 
novella said:
I just want to interject here that I think the mods do a stellar job most of the time, over the long haul. Thanks crew!

Funny enough, I think the discussion of what should be moderated and why is more problemmatic than the typical opinion and humor posts. It puts the mods on the spot, you know.
Click to expand...


i also want to second this sentiment. above all i think the mod's do a great job and it is not a position i would relish. it would be like being the only kid at the pyjama party going, k guys lets put down the pillows before someone gets hurt. i have not witnessed a situation where i think the mods stepped in too soon. and my question in the above thread was not directed solely at martin or the mods, but everyone.
 
The problem is, those who've posted here are those who can have a debate and not get personal with their posts, and re-posts. To dissagree is fine, to argue is fine, and to stand your ground is fine. Where's the problem?

Jenn, you are totally correct. It's impossible to make 100% of the people happy 100% of the time. In trying, you do a dis-service to the others who faithfully take part.

The bottom line is making the majority happy most of the time is the best anyone can hope for.

So far it seems the majority are happy. It's too bad my "right to life-right to die" thread possibly resulted in losing a member, but why couldn't that member find a thread that was not so personally stressful? There's only 5000+ other threads to wander through here.

So far only a handfull of regular posters have responded. I wonder what the next 24 hours will bring?

I'd like to hear from some of the newbies....
 
I hope I'm not in part responsible for this thread, Moto!

I have a pretty thick skin, and I'd like to think I'm very respectful of other peoples opinions. If I don't care for a thread and it's direction, I'll generally ignore it. I noticed a new thread on 'Christian Sci Fi/Fantasy' and although my fingers itched, I bypassed that one.

I think it's difficult sometimes to truly grasp the context/tone of someone's post. I'm getting more and more accustomed to the way in which some of the regular posters say things and express themselves. Some people are very blunt and to the point, which could be misconstrued at times. But then, one can be 'overly appologetic' like myself and spend your entire time bantering around a subject and looking at it in different ways and never really getting to the point.

I consider myself a Newbie here still and no one is really used to the way I express myself and I don't want to offend anyone with my thoughts. I'm also a diplomatic person at the best of times, but I love a good argument; especially when I can fact check at the click of my Google toolbar :D I'm yet to get into a good row, and that's probably for the best...

I agree with Moto, though. I can understand it's a little frustrating to have to explain yourself later on when you say something and someone reads more into it than they should.
 
I was thinking of this topic after all the Terri Schiavo dust settled and I noticed at least one person has not returned to the forum after all that. The most recent thread around the rainbow symbol just put the electric paddles on the topic and brought it to life.

I have noticed a few other members are not around, and that may just be the time of year and more people spending time away from the computer.

Regardless, I would have started this thread with Kookamoor or without Kookamoor.
 
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