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Circular thoughts in my head..

M

Marquis Rex

New Member
Its past 3 am and i have work tommorow and I can't sleep...
I have circular thoughts going around in my head...

Some background may be helpful...
I have a little tale to tell:
I went on a HUGE trip around America, started off in Ohio, to see an old friend called Jessica (or so I thought)....and covered 10,000 miles in 5 weeks, between Thanksgiving to New years eve. What can I say I love being on the road- the ultimate feeling of freedom.
Anyway, This Jessica, I've known for years, when her husband was being abusive ( looking back, I question this) I helped her, urged her to move out, and start a new life, talked to her on the phone at all hours....flew out at few days notice. Anyway, this time around she displays quite an interest in me, sexually- I'm not accustomed to this (must be the accent!)-and felt rather uncomfortable...with her flirting like crazy. She's attractive, she does part time modelling, but she's not my type, quite superficial, not really a thinker- quite surface and judgemental and not really a good long term bet. Very high maintainance-always expecting lots of money spent lavished her. So as best I could, I declined advances in subtle ways. It wasn't easy-and in my younger years- I think I would have obliged -short term-and hoped for the best - but I'm not into that now, looking for something solid long term!

Anyway, things still seemed cool between us, and she was very ornery and playful and "fun". Unfortunately she fell a bit ill..so we agree I take off on my epic huge road trip across the USA and she implored me that I come back with the hire car and we meet up again for New Years Eve.
The trip went well but when I returned, she had dissappeared, I phoned, and emailed, she's no where to be found, so I'm worried. Her cars not around either. I ended up having a great NYEs anyway, meeting friendly strangers at a bar, as you can in the USA (unlike here!).
Anyway, get back, found a vague email at my HOME addy from her telling me she was busy, and that was that-we couldn't meet-no appologies -no explanation. Dozy woman had sent it home.

Anyways, months pass, my anger had susided and this week I sent her an email, asking how she was- and the response was aweful, a full scale attack on my character and past- I'm talking REALLY hurtful BITTER NASTY stuff. Like digging up personal stuff from my past about ex-Girfriends etc etc. She called me "cheap"?-Why-because I wouldn't lavish money on her and because I was trying to save on hotels while on my trip?As if I had a reoccuring character flaw. Like someone had opened a pressurised bottle! I was really hurt and shocked....
I haven't replied. I don't know what to say really. I mean, I don't know why she did it, as she seemed fine when we were together in person. I mean, if I'd given in to her advances and then left, I would be the bad guy, and I didn't do this and still am! You just can't win sometimes!


Now I can't sleep, questioning and wondering and over analysing my character. Quetions in my head..:Do I have a fatal flaw witin- which I can't isolate? Was Jessica, unthinking ,shallow and self centred aas she's always been- just lashing out- for some reason? I don't even feel like investing in other friendships....like I don't have the emotional energy....this is unfair on a certain close friend I have right now I know. I don't feel like bothering her.It's almost 3:30 am now and I have to be up in 3 hours- is it worth me going to sleep at all?
I feel like driving to my lock up and taking out the new Porsche-so I can kind of relax and blasting down country roads letting my thoughts wonder.... at least my Teutonic steed isn't about to betray me.
I could go downstairs and watch "Vanishing Point"- the tale of a tragic hero- utimately meeting his demise- with a great sound track....
Hmmm.....
 
M.R.-
I don't know if you posted that to get responses from the rest of us, or just to get it off your chest, but I'm in a position right now where I am tired of worrying about my own issues and I welcome the problems of others.

It sounds like your friend was upset that you rejected her advances. That is something your friend will have to deal with. I think she just lashed out, because it may be the only emotional mechanism she can handle right now. It says a lot about what a great character you have that you were able to turn down the advances, because you know it wasn't right and it wouldn't work. Props to you. Always trust your intuition.

I hope my comments weren't intrusive. :eek:

If I were you, I'd hop in that car and drive. You can always sleep tomorrow (when you are REALLY tired from being up all night!) :D
 
I do not think you could have done anything to please her. If you'd consented to a physcial relationship, it would have ended just the same, I believe. She sounds like a woman who is never satisfied with anything.

But yes, go take the car out! Drive it for all it's worth. Excellent therapy! :)
 
Marquis Rex said:
Its past 3 am and i have work tommorow and I can't sleep...
I have circular thoughts going around in my head...

Some background may be helpful...
I have a little tale to tell:
I went on a HUGE trip around America, started off in Ohio, to see an old friend called Jessica (or so I thought)....and covered 10,000 miles in 5 weeks, between Thanksgiving to New years eve. What can I say I love being on the road- the ultimate feeling of freedom.
Anyway, This Jessica, I've known for years, when her husband was being abusive ( looking back, I question this) I helped her, urged her to move out, and start a new life, talked to her on the phone at all hours....flew out at few days notice. Anyway, this time around she displays quite an interest in me, sexually- I'm not accustomed to this (must be the accent!)-and felt rather uncomfortable...with her flirting like crazy. She's attractive, she does part time modelling, but she's not my type, quite superficial, not really a thinker- quite surface and judgemental and not really a good long term bet. Very high maintainance-always expecting lots of money spent lavished her. So as best I could, I declined advances in subtle ways. It wasn't easy-and in my younger years- I think I would have obliged -short term-and hoped for the best - but I'm not into that now, looking for something solid long term!

Anyway, things still seemed cool between us, and she was very ornery and playful and "fun". Unfortunately she fell a bit ill..so we agree I take off on my epic huge road trip across the USA and she implored me that I come back with the hire car and we meet up again for New Years Eve.
The trip went well but when I returned, she had dissappeared, I phoned, and emailed, she's no where to be found, so I'm worried. Her cars not around either. I ended up having a great NYEs anyway, meeting friendly strangers at a bar, as you can in the USA (unlike here!).
Anyway, get back, found a vague email at my HOME addy from her telling me she was busy, and that was that-we couldn't meet-no appologies -no explanation. Dozy woman had sent it home.

Anyways, months pass, my anger had susided and this week I sent her an email, asking how she was- and the response was aweful, a full scale attack on my character and past- I'm talking REALLY hurtful BITTER NASTY stuff. Like digging up personal stuff from my past about ex-Girfriends etc etc. She called me "cheap"?-Why-because I wouldn't lavish money on her and because I was trying to save on hotels while on my trip?As if I had a reoccuring character flaw. Like someone had opened a pressurised bottle! I was really hurt and shocked....

I could go downstairs and watch "Vanishing Point"- the tale of a tragic hero- utimately meeting his demise- with a great sound track....
Hmmm.....
Click to expand...


Hi,Marquix Rex, :) just before my leaving, I happened to read this thread. Ummm--, yes, I am not sure whether you just want to release your feelings here, or for some other reasons, or no reason at all.

Anyway, it gives me the impression that i would leave the girl/woman, if i were you. What comes to my mind is that, life is too short, why bother someone who is not your tpye of girl. Another thought is that if someone really loves you, you will not get hurt that kind of negative feeling. (maybe i am too idealistic. :eek: )

And I agree with Jules that always trust your intuition, and follows you inner voice. sometimes, i just found that the more i wanted to analyze or rationalize something bothering, the more i got myself lost.

Finally, I really, truly and sincerely wish you be happy, and smile/laugh in everyday of your life, because it would be such a beautiful pic when you see yourself smiling or laughing.

Best wishes, & Take care, :)
 
There's over 6 billion people on the planet. You don't need to put up with your friends giving you grief, when there are so many others out there to replace her with.

The middle of the night is not the best place to ponder, especially so soon after getting the email. After you've slept you'll feel better. But I don't think I would bother replying to the email. You'd have to read it again first and that will just put you in a bad mood. I'd just delete it. If she's sent it to get a response and make you angry it'll piss her off that you haven't replied, and if it turns out she was angry about someone/thing else and was just lashing out at you then maybe you'll get an apology. If you get something else insulting then I'd just block her account. If you get something more placatory, then great. If you get nothing, well plenty more fish in the sea and not all of them send mean emails out to people. Actually, most fish don't even own computers.
 
Thanks for your kind words everyone. I don't know why I posted it, I guess partly because I needed to sound off and perhaps see my thoughts on paper, and partly because, deep down inside I needed reassurance- I live alone and the closest things to family I have are my cars.

Watercrystal I was never "with her", we were friends, although we had different values - I used to always say to myself, " well people are different, I should be tolerant and a fresh perspective is a good thing"- not so sure now. Makes me feel a bit nautious when people think there was anything between us after that last email. But it's an understandable mistake. I must have cared a little at least for it to have bothered me.....

Litany- Yeah you're right, I'm probably not going to respond. Speaking of fish I may go down to London tonight and get some Sushi....

I just went out for a mad blast in the car. Boy it's so so soo fast. I have to hang onto the steering wheel when it accelerates. The Porsche 911 is the only car that has evolved in terms of engineering and developed over 35 years- unlike anything else-which is usually more marketing led. Or some British classic where development has been neglected for cost reasons .You feel all those years of development when you're behind the wheel.
Oh well, work now, I have to pack my stuff- I start a new role next week.....
 
Marquis Rex said:
Watercrystal I was never "with her", we were friends, although we had different values - I used to always say to myself, " well people are different, I should be tolerant and a fresh perspective is a good thing"- not so sure now. Makes me feel a bit nautious when people think there was anything between us after that last email. But it's an understandable mistake. I must have cared a little at least for it to have bothered me.....

............
Click to expand...


Very sorry for misunderstanding you. :eek:

Still my best wishes for you,
Good luck & be happy,

:)
 
Rex, I hope all works out for you. She doesn't sound like someone worth your time and it does sound as if the anger came from what she saw as rejection. I agree with Litany to just leave it be and she how she responds to her own email.

i would write more, but everyone has already said what I though. Here's a ton of good luck wishes being sent your way. :)
 
I've had many friends I've tried to help through emotional troubles and bad relationships, sometimes it works out and they turn their life around and we're still friends, and others I just pushed away (usually unconsiously :eek:) or they pushed me away, because it was obvious that their emotional rollercoaster wasn't going to end and my support only extends so far for people who don't want to start making better life decisions.

I am always trying to pin the mental illness diagnosis on people even though I am completely unqualified, but I think it's a good possibility that she is bipolar. Unfortunately, bipolar people have a hard time wanting to get better and making the decisions that get them better because the highs and lows are so addictive. In that case, all you can do is be there for them when both they and you are ready.
 
Jules, your comments weren't intrusive at all, they were helpful as were everyone elses-thanks!

Ashlea, Phew- I thought you were going to diagnose ME as Bi-polar *LOL* Melancholic may be....*L*

I'm with Chewwy, Tigress and Littany on this one, I'm going to leave her be- I can't be there to help her in any way. I'll consider writing a note back, but it's unlikely, but absolutely "No" to any more friendship.
Everyone selectively focuses to a certain degree when they rememeber things, but she's pretty much fabricated things, but can't substantiate some of the stuff she's made up-when I quizzed her. Her words were abusive, nasty and critical and PERSONAL on some of my weak points. That kind of stuff can't be undone.
There's no point in friendship, I kind of wonder why I continued anyway, probably my desire to help. I used to think she was inherently a laid back kind person- but alas so much for that one! She represents so much I don't respect: acute judgementality, shallowness, superficiality, lack of any thought, surface values, image, materialism-and-snobbishness-combined-with-lack-career-drive (notice I've hyphen-grouped the terms together- not in isolation!).
Anyway, I'm off to London to - going to get some writing done at a quiet Hamstead Cafe.

Have a grand weekend everyone....
 
You'll notice no men have responded to this post!! (i'll ignore Martin :))

Whats that?! Aaaarrgghh *Emotion Alert*, *Emotion Alert*, all men must immediately leave the thread and run away!!

Well, either that or the women have far more time on their hands than is good for them :D

Phil
 
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