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[FRAGMENTS] Worship & the Flesh

Martin said:
Wow, you actually took the time to check how many members there are. Good for you! You go, girl!

Cheers, Martin :D
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Yep, so much for that good mood you were in huh? :D

But doesn't it feel better to vent?

Go ahead, put your head on my shoulder and have a good cry. :)

RaVeN
 
third man girl said:
Yet, despite the years He grants unto us
I know they have no meaning, but in length
For being together in love is strength

Because I want it at my funeral. Seriously. PLEEEAAAASE :)
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Well now. That's make me feel quite shallow. I want Disco Inferno played at my funeral. :eek:

And I'm not dying. That I know of. Hope you're not either. That would be sucky.
 
Litany said:
I will be, but it's still a funeral.
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I want to be left at the foot of my wondrous viaduct, for days, in a pool of blackened blood, and have people point and stare and whisper . . .


'why didn't the foolish girl wear a helmet?'


(Yes Martin, that was aimed at YOU :D) ;) )

Third Man Girl
 
third man girl said:
I want to be left at the foot of my wondrous viaduct, for days, in a pool of blackened blood, and have people point and stare and whisper . . .


'why didn't the foolish girl wear a helmet?'


(Yes Martin, that was aimed at YOU :D) ;) )

Third Man Girl
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So not only are you launching yourself off a viaduct, but you're planning to land on Martin? Excellent. He'll never get the stains out.
 
Martin said:
I feel a hernia coming on.

Cheers, Martin :D
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Turn your head and cough.

*ewww, yuck*

Yep, that's a hernia all right :D

RaVeN
(everybody needs a hobby, right?)
 
Ahem. Perhaps we could get back on topic now. Especially as Mile-O has given us such a meaty work to discuss.

I love the tone of it, so easy to see in my mind's eye the narrator: respectable, intelligent, a philosopher. I'm thinking small and well-groomed mustache. I would love to see this broken up in sections, interspersed with other bits, a la A.S. Byatt.
 
SillyWabbit said:
You can't know that for sure. Grab his "you know whats" and make him cough!

Regards
SillyWabbit
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What do you think the "ewww yuck" was for? :eek:

Sorry Ashlea, I also had some meaty work that I just HAD to discuss with Wabbit. :D

Feel free to carry on at your leasure. :)

RaVeN
 
Ashlea said:
I love the tone of it, so easy to see in my mind's eye the narrator: respectable, intelligent, a philosopher. I'm thinking small and well-groomed mustache.
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Thanks for that. When I come to redraft it, I'll definitely cut out bits I've found, on rereading, to be jarring and further look into exploring what's on offer.

I would love to see this broken up in sections, interspersed with other bits, a la A.S. Byatt.
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I shall look up A.S. Byatt - the only knowledge that I have of them is that they came out and decried adults reading Harry Potter, an opinion I share.
 
A.S. Byatt has written some incredible books - very layered and full of intensity. 3 or 4 stories going on at once, plus often the literary works of the characters, and she's a deft hand with symbolism.

Can't agree with her on Harry Potter, though. I've never given up children's books, and see no reason to. Sometimes the 10 year old inside you needs a good book, too.
 
Three just doesn't seem to go anywhere. I think we may need to know more about their lives before 'it' happened. As it is, we really aren't involved in their lives.

Two...let's face it, it is hard to write a love story. They always come out trite and cliche. This isn't an exception. Girl falls in love with a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, so what. I want to know why their love was so special. I like the way it ties into the story before it, classy and subtle.

Have you read Lolita, or Benji's chapter of The Sound and the Fury? To me, portray love, like few others I've seen.
 
warm_enema said:
Have you read Lolita, or Benji's chapter of The Sound and the Fury? To me, portray love, like few others I've seen.
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No to all. I tried to read The Sound and the Fury when I was about 13 or 14. It was hard at that age. Maybe I'll return to it.
 
Parts of Ulysses to.

Yeah, that would be a hard age to read it. It's pretty good, that chapter is amazing.

Is that a better critique?
 
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