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Goodkind Quotes

Zolipara

New Member
I decided to post a few more quotes from the Genious that is Goodkind. This time from his books.

On Chickens(From Soul of the Fire):
Terry Goodkind said:
Hissing, hackles lifting, the chicken's head rose. Kahlan pulled back. Its claws digging into stiff dead flesh, the chicken slowly turned to face her. It cocked its head, making its comb flop, its wattles sway. "Shoo," Kahlan heard herself whisper. There wasn't enough light, and besides, the side of its beak was covered with gore, so she couldn't tell if it had the dark spot, But she didn't need to see it. "Dear spirits, help me," she prayed under her breath. The bird let out a slow chicken cackle. It sounded like a chicken, but in her heart she knew it wasn't. In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken. This looked like a chicken, like most of the Mud People's chickens. But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest.

Its hard to be a Sister of the Dark. (From Stone of Tears)
Terry Goodkind said:
The Sister at her head held the twisted cloth over the hooded face. "Open your mouth, and bite down on this." She put the cloth between the woman's teeth. "Now, open your legs. You must keep them open. If you try to close them, it will be a rejection of what you are being offered, and you will lose the chance. Forever."
The naked woman stared fixedly up at nothing. She panted with fear, her breast heaving. Slowly, she spread her legs.
The beast stirred, giving a low grunt.
The Namble sniffed at her crotch. Its long tongue flicked out, running ver her. She flinched, making a small jerk of a sound against the cloth in her teeth, but she keept her legs open. Her eyes did not move. She did not look at thte namble. The Sisters in the circle began a soft chant. The namble licked her again, slower, grunting this time as it did so. She squealed against the rag. Beads of sweat shimmered on her flesh. She kept her legs wide apart.
Riisng up on its knees, the beast gave a throaty roar to the black sky. Its pointed, barbed, erect phallus stood out, plainly silhouetted against the candles beyond. Muscles bulged in knotted cords along its arms and shoulderes asthe namble bent forward, putting a fist to each side of the woman. Its tongue licked outaround her throat as it gave a vibration rumble of a grow, and then it lowered itself, covering her with its massive form.
Its hips hunched forward. The womans eyes winced shut as she screamed against the cloth in her teeth. The namble gave a quick, powerful thrust and her eyes snapped open in a panic of pain. Even with the cloth clenched in her teeth, her screams could be heard over the chanting each time the beast knocked the wind from her, adding more force to the shrieks.
The beast thrashed at the Sister on the ground as the threes Sisiters held her. Her muffled screams of torment ripped at Margaret's heart.
The Sister holding the cloth finally spoke. " If you want the gift, you must encourate himto give it to you. He will not surrender it unless you overcome his control -- unless you talke it from him. You must win it from him. Do you understand?"
Crying, her eyes shut tight, the woman nodded.
The Sister pulled the cloth away. "Then he is yours now. Take the gift, if you will."
The other two released her arms and the three of them returned to their places in the circle, taking up the chanting with the others. The woman let out a wail that turned margarets bloodto ice. It made her ears hurt.
The woman flug her arms and legsaroundthe namble, clutching herself to it, moving with it, mving with the chanting. Her screams died away as she panted with the effort.
Please, dear Creator, Margaret begged in her mind, let it end.
And then, with a husky grunt, it did. Margaret opened her eyes to see the namble still, its back hunched. It shuddered, and then slowly went limp. Thewoman struggled to breathe under its weight.

On children and how teach them the error if their ways. (From Wizards first rule)
Terry Goodkind said:
Princess Violet glared at him. "My mother says that Confessor Kahlan will come back and that we'll have a surprise for her the next time she comes here. I just want you to know because my mother said you'll be dead by then. My mother says I get to decide what to do to her. First, I'm going to cut off her hair. " Her hands were in fists, her face red. "Then i'm going to let all the guards rape her, every one! Then I'm going to put her in the dungeon for a few years so they'll have someone to play with! Then when I get tired of hurting her, I'll have her head chopped off and put it on a pole where I can watch it rot!"
Richard actually felt sorry for the little Princess. The sadness for her came over him in a wave. At that feeling, he was surprised to feel the thing in him that had come awake rise up.
Princess Violet squeezed her eyes shut, stuck her tongue out far as she could.
It was like a red flag.
The strength of the awakened power exploded through him.
He could feel her jaw shattter like a crystal goblet on a stone floor when his boot came up under it. The impact of the blow lifted the Princess into the air. Her own teeth severed her tongue before they, too, shattered. She landed on her back, a good distance away, trying to scream through the gushing blood.

On the noble goat (From Naked Empire)
Terry Goodkind said:
Jennsen gestured vaguely back at the men and the town behind her. "Since I've been with them, they have come to see that I'm not a witch, and Betty is not a spirit guide - although for a time there I was afraid they might be right about Betty."
Richard peered down at the goat. Betty cocked her head. "I guess none of us but Betty knew the truth of what Nicholas was up to." At the sound of her name, Betty's ears pricked forward and her tail went into a fit of expectant wagging.
.
.
.
After Richard picked up his pack and slipped his arms through the straps, Owen gripped Richard's hand. "Thank you, Lord Rahl, for showing me that my life is worth living."
Marilee stepped forward and hugged him. "Thank you for teaching Owen to be worthy of me."
Richard laughed. Owen laughed. Cara gave Marilee an approving clap on the back. And then all the men laughed.
Betty pushed in and with a flurry of tail wagging got the point across that she didn't want to be left out.
Richard knelt down and scratched Betty's ears. "And you, my friend, from now on I don't want you letting any Slides using you to spy on people."
Betty pushed her head against his chest as he scratched her ears, and bleated as if to say she was sorry.
 

Gem

kickbox
I read Wizards First Rule, and I haven't picked up another fantasy book since.

I'll play along;

Corporal punishment is a pain in the butt (from Wizards First Rule):

'Here is another place.' She made him scream. 'And here, and here too.' She came around and smiled to him. 'You don't mind if I show Constance all your special little places, do you?'.
 

KristoCat

New Member
Oh Gem, I hope your experience with Wizards First Rule hasn't ruined Fantasy for you forever!!:eek:

I like the genre very much overall and I was quite disappointed with Goodkind. I won't be picking up another book by him at all. I know lots of people like him a lot but he just isn't for me.
 

Zolipara

New Member
It didnt mean to scare anyone from reading fantasy, but i just think he is funny. He claims his books are about "the noble human spirit", yet his perfect hero kicks in the teeth of a 8 year old girl and cuts off her tongue in the process. The perfect father.
 

Gem

kickbox
Zolipara: It didnt mean to scare anyone from reading fantasy,

It wasn't you, it was Goodkind.:D

Kristocat: Oh Gem, I hope your experience with Wizards First Rule hasn't ruined Fantasy for you forever!!

Probably not forever, i'll find my way back to it i'm sure. Any recommendations for a good stand alone Fantasy? :)
 

Zolipara

New Member
Gem said:
It wasn't you, it was Goodkind.:D

He does seem to have that effect on a lot of people. I find the whole Goodkind phenomenon very amusing. As you can see from his writing and from his comments in various interviews he is truly one of a kind. One of the most interesting things about this author is that he and his cultlike fans from the official forums is his own worst enemy. His official fan forum is so legendary that a bunch of people made another forum as a parody of it.

I'll leave you with another example of his Genious.
Terry Goodkind said:
Richard was bigger than most men; these men were bigger than him.
 

Zolipara

New Member
If you think these quotes are amusing you might also like the quotes i posted from a legendary Goodkind interview: http://www.bookandreader.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7776.

The interview has later been deleted from the official site for obvious reasons, and the admin of his site does his best to deny the existence of this interview. Alternatively when confronted with the google cache of the site (containing the interview), he does his best to defend it.
 

Gem

kickbox
I hadn't realised they were meant to be comedy books - wrong of the bookstores to place them under the Fantasy section. Perhaps they should be placed under the Fantasy/Not really Fantasy/Oh Wait, actually it is Fantasy Section.:rolleyes:

I've just been lurking over at the 'Official' site, and boy those fans sure do take their Goodkind seriously.

Fan 1 asks:
quick one, this is the aum plant real or did terry make it up?
Fan 2 replies:
The Aum plant is a plant commonly used for its healing abilities on open wounds and can be found in the Hartland Woods and Ven Forest of Westland. It often grows nestled in the crook of the roots of trees, particularly nannyberry trees. One of its most distinctive characteristics is its soft, fuzzy leaves. Its tender stem, when gently squeezed, emits a sticky, clear liquid that when applied to a flesh wound will make it heal faster and numb the pain.

So um is the plant real? Fan 1 if you ever grace us with your presence then please note that the plant is fictional. Fan 2 just plain cracked me up.

I really musn't laugh so much.
 

Gem

kickbox
Zolipara what have you started? I can't stay away from the Official Site.
here is another little gem:

goodkind is a genius of this generation he cant be expected to remember everything

:D :D
 

Zolipara

New Member
I'm sorry but if its any comfort i'm also afflicted by that particular disease.

To keep you interested I found another little gem for you.

Fan said:
It doesn't matter that Richard was not wearing it, Goodkind wrote it like that and therefore it is not a mistake. There is always a reason and purpose to what Goodkind writes.
 

Gem

kickbox
I'm sorry but if its any comfort i'm also afflicted by that particular disease.

Should of told me it was contagious :D

The thread on how the two lead characters in Wizards First Rule might be able to get together is hilarious:

So unless you're suggesting she just goes around touching people for the sake of having sex....

That is funny on so many different levels. Either that or i'm just immature.:D
 

Zolipara

New Member
Gem said:
Should of told me it was contagious :D

Yes it is highly contagious and unfortunately there is no known cure.

The admin of those forums will delete any post that is even slightly critical of Goodkinds writing(and i suspect ban the user posting it). So there is noone keeping the cultlike worshipping of the author in check. The result is a pretty unique group of fans.

The forum made as a parody of the official forums can be found here
 

KristoCat

New Member
Gem said:
Probably not forever, i'll find my way back to it i'm sure. Any recommendations for a good stand alone Fantasy? :)
Yikes. IMHO, fantasy is best enjoyed in series form. I quite enjoyed Wicked by Gregory Maguire and Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King, but I'm not sure if either author would be compatible with your tastes. Those are the only stand-alone fantasies I can remember enjoying.
 

Shade

New Member
Zolipara, this is brilliant stuff! Is this representative, or have you chosen the worst of the worst? I've only vaguely heard of Goodkind before, but now I am a committed fan! Well, if I'm a fan of his I should be committed... Could he be the worst writer in the world??
 

Gem

kickbox
Kritocat: IMHO, fantasy is best enjoyed in series form. I quite enjoyed Wicked by Gregory Maguire and Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King, but I'm not sure if either author would be compatible with your tastes. Those are the only stand-alone fantasies I can remember enjoying.

Thank you for the suggestions, i'll add them to my list.A Fantasy series requires quite a bit of commitment but i'll get around to it sometime. As for taste, i like a little bit of everything.

Shade: Could he be the worst writer in the world??

What do you mean worst? He is the best comedy writer out there. :D

Zolipara thanks for the link, how many actual Goodkind fans do you think stumble in there and post away without realising the true nature of the forum?
 

Zolipara

New Member
Well i must say that "the chicken that is not a chicken" is one of the best examples i have seen, but its all fairly representative. The books are for one thing full of SM sex, detailed torture scenes, rape, leather clad ladies and barbed phalluses(if i remember right there is a scene where the girlfriend of the hero mindcontrols a enemy and forces him to eat his own balls). In addition to this there is ofcourse some of the cheesiest scenes i've ever seen (like the goat quote), and endless monologues where he hammers in his "deep philosophical message" that commies are bad.

Goodkind is as far as i know dyslexic and has said in interviews that he refuses to listen to his editor. So you if look a little closer at the text you also find a lot of examples like this:
Terry Goodkind said:
He turned and checked behind. Still clear.
As he turned back, she froze in midstride, the folds of her dress swirling around her legs.

The scary part is that he is actually very popular and is frequently on the bestseller list.
 

direstraits

Well-Known Member
Hey I have Wizards and Stone of Tear and I don't remember those hilarious scenes. I have a vague collection at least of the Sister of the Dark ritual, but Violet? That scene must have been so traumatic for me that my unconscious self erased the memory of it to save me. I do love your take, Zolipara: "On children and how to show them the error of their ways". :D

I do know I'll holler out loud if I actually read the chicken bit, but thank goodness I stopped at SoT.

You seem to be obsessed with him, Z. Did you read all his books?

ds
 

direstraits

Well-Known Member
Zolipara said:
(if i remember right there is a scene where the girlfriend of the hero mindcontrols a enemy and forces him to eat his own balls).
Yes, this happened. In Wizard's First Rule. To the guy who tried to rape her.

ds
 

Shade

New Member
I love the way the Amazon link at the top of the page is (at time of writing) recommending Terry Goodkind books...
 
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