Goodkind Quotes

[Zolipara]

You seem to be obsessed with him, Z.

I would not say obsessed but i find him and his fanbase to be very funny(and somewhat disturbing). Someone recently told me about that forum parody and it rekindled my interest in him.

 

[Brys]

I've seen these over at Westeros - the first one, on evil chickens is hilarious. The rape scene and the Princess Violet scene are sickening and disturbing, and I don't know why the editors ever allowed them to get through, and the noble goat scene is hilariously badly written.

The scary part is that he is actually very popular and is frequently on the bestseller list

He does have a talent for unintentional humour though. But it is disturbing that so many people believe his books to be high quality literature.

Richard was bigger than most men; these men were bigger than him

The whole of this passage, with a few pages either side of it, is absolutely brilliant. All his best ideas come here, with the exception of the evil chicken - the mountain called Blunt Mountain so named for its sheer cliff face with a path running near mid height, the detailed clouds which Richard has to remember to avoid a lecture from Zedd, "when he had seen them by Trunt Lake they were staying well hidden" - it's a shame that he decided to include some really nasty content in the books, because they could have been a great comedy series otherwise.

 

[Brys]

I read Wizards First Rule, and I haven't picked up another fantasy book since.

I'll play along;

Corporal punishment is a pain in the butt (from Wizards First Rule):

Just be pleased to know that almost all fantasy is a lot better than WFR. The only authors who I've heard are worse than Goodkind are Robert Newcomb and L Ron Hubbard. If you want a starting point, the various lists here are a good starting point: Speculative Reviews

 

[Gem]

Thanks Brys. I read quite a bit of Fantasy in my younger days, everything from Ian Irvine, to Margaret Weiss, including books like the Redemption of Althalus, The Lightbringer Trilogy, and the Cadderly books (can't quite remember what they were called - The something Quintet maybe??). Wizards First Rule was the last Fantasy I read, I just couldn't be motivated to pick up another Fantasy after that.

 

[Brys]

It seems you've been unlucky - all of those you mentioned which I read I'd place towards the worst of fantasy - Irvine had some good ideas, but he ruined them through absolutely terrible writing and Eddings I found generally incompetent, but mildly entertaining.

 

[Gem]

It seems you've been unlucky

Nah, i'm just very good at buying rubbish. Having said that, I did enjoy some of it I'll check your link out and see if i can find anything appealing. Thanks.

 

[Anamnesis]

Heh, I didn't even remember he killed Princess Violet. Between not knowing that and recognizing that these books are far from classic fantasy fiction, I guess I'm not much of a Terry Goodkind fan .

 

[Gem]

After reading these posts I feel guilty about laughing at Goodkind's loyal following.

I think perhaps I should stay away from those forums before i get suckered into the darkside.

 

[Brys]

But you have to compare the few who have "had their lives changed by reading Goodkind" to the many who've suffered from his terrible writing, and then consider whether perhaps these people (excluding ardent objectivists) wouldn't have benefited more by reading a competent author.
Those forums are incredibly worrying - they ban criticism of Goodkind on them, and they ban discussion of other authors. What you don't see on their are all the people who are disgusted by Goodkind's writing, because they're banned from the forums very quickly (rather ironic that an author who calls himself libertarian has one of the most authoritarian intolerant forums that exists, and his interviews further this paradox).

I find the universal support for Richard's attack on Princess Violet in WFR incredibly disturbing - they enthusiastically advocate physical violence, potentially deadly force, against a young girl who is a bit annoying and might possibly be in a position to have people tortured.

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

You know, I went on his forums, just to see what was said, and that was the first thing I noticed. If I was famous enough to have my own forums, I would never do that. I mean, aren't writers supposed to be anti-censorship? And the censorship going on in that forum is completely unacceptable and intolerable. As I think someone else mentioned, those posters are only seeing one side of the argument.

 

[Gem]

Brys,

Those forums are incredibly worrying - they ban criticism of Goodkind on them, and they ban discussion of other authors.

I can understand that they ban discussion of other authors - it is after all The Terry Goodkind forum and not the All Fantasy Writers forum. But I agree completely with finding it worrying that they ban criticism and general 'Terry is God' attitude. Scary.

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

But my understanding is that they don't allow you to even compare Goodkind to other authors. Like, "If you like Goodkind, you may like so-and-so." I think that's silly.
And besides, there could be a subforum where you discuss other authors. On the Evanescence forums, they do that for other bands, and it works out great.

 

[Brys]

Pretty much every other writer's forums I've seen have an other literature forum, and I don't really see why an author would have a problem with that. I think those forums probably attract the most objectionable and intolerant of Goodkind fans, which just creates a bad name for the other much more reasonable ones who are willing to engage in civilised discussion. The banning criticism part (it's not total censorship - very minor criticism is allowed) is baffling. Surely an author wants to see what their fans really think and see how they could improve their writing - but in the case of Goodkind, he probably thinks his writing is so good that it couldn't be improved.

Yesterday I saw perhaps the most disturbing quote of Goodkind's - in Naked Empire:

They raced out from the long shadows of the buildings and poured around the corner. The people off at the end of the street all turned when they spotted Richard's force coming. More people--men and women from the city--surged into the street in front of the compound of buildings the soldiers had taken oup as barracks and a command post. The people looked like a scraggly lot.

"No war! No war! No war!" the people shouted as Richard led the men up the street at a dead run.
"Out of the way!" Richard yelled as he closed the distance. This was no time for subtlety or discussions: the success of their attack depended in large part on speed. "Get out of the way! This is your only warning! Get out of the way or die!"
"Stop the hate! Stop the hate!" the people chanted as they locked arms.
They had no idea how much hate was raging through Richard. He drew the Sword of Truth. The wrath of its magic didn't come out with it, but he had enough of his own. He slowed to a trot.
"Move!" Richard called as he bore down on the people.
A plump, curly-haired woman took a step out from the others. Her round face was red with anger as she screamed. "Stop the hate! No war! Stop the hate! No war!"
"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed.
The red-faced woman shook her fleshy fist at Richard and his men, leading an angry chant. "Murderers! Murderers! Murderers!"
On his way past her, gritting his teeth as he screamed with the fury of the attack begun, Richard took a powerful swing, lopping off the woman's head and upraised arm. Strings of blood and gore splashed across the faces behind her even as some still chanted their empty words. The head and loose arm tumbled through the crowd. A man mad the mistake of reaching for Richard's weapon, and took the full weight of a charging thrust.
Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men. They were met with swift and deadly steel.
At the realization that their defense of the Imperial Order's brutality would actually result in consequences to themselves, the crowd began scattering in fright, screaming curses back at Richard and his men.

Yes, that's right, the hero of the series goes and slaughters a load of innocent peace protesters. Describing them as "evil guardians" and people "armed only with their hatred for moral clarity". There are a lot of simple inconsistencies and the writing in general is just as terrible as usual for Goodkind, but what makes it stand out is how Goodkind treats the subject matter - he actually sees the killing of innocent civilians as good.

 

[Zolipara]

Todays quote: The nipple magic.

The evil guys have hatched a truly diabolical plan to kill the hero Richard. By cutting off the left nipple of a woman they make her do what they want. As a bonus this nipple magic makes her irresistible to men. All they want is to jump in the bed with her.

The seduction scene:

"I'm not busy. I was just having a bite before I went to bed. At least you could sit with me while I ate, and
perhaps share a little of it with me? There's more here than I can eat—it would just go to waste."
She drew closer to him again, pressing against the table. "Well, it does look sumptuous . .. and if you aren't
going to eat it all ... maybe just a nibble, then."
Richard grinned. "What would you like? Stew, spiced eggs, rice, Iamb?"
At the mention of Iamb she let out a throaty murmur of pleasure. Richard threaded the gold-rimmed white
plate across the tray. He hadn't had any intention of eating the lamb himself; since the gift had awakened in
him he wasn't able to eat meat. Something to do with the magic at the time the gift manifested itself, or
perhaps it was as the Sisters had told him: all magic must be in balance. Since he was a war wizard, maybe
he couldn't eat meat in order to balance the killing he sometimes had to do.
Richard offered her the knife and fork. Smiling again, she shook her head and with her fingers picked up the
lamb chop. "Keltans have a saying that if it's good, nothing should come between you and the experience."
"Then I hope it's good," Richard heard himself say. For the first time in days he didn't feel lonely.
With her brown eyes fixed on his, she leaned forward on her elbows and took a dainty bite. Transfixed,
Richard waited.
"So ... is it good?"
In answer, her eyes rolled back in her head and her lids slid closed while she hunched her shoulders and
moaned in perfect rapture. Her gaze came down, restoring the torrid connection. Her mouth enveloped the
meat, and her flawless white teeth tore off a succulent chunk. Her lips were slick with it. He didn't think he
had ever seen anyone chew so slowly.
Richard pulled the doughy center of the bread in two, giving her the one with the most butter. With the crust,
he scooped rice out of the brown cream. His hand paused before his mouth as she took the butter off in one
long lick.
She let out a throaty purr of approval. "I love how soft and slippery it feels against my tongue," she explained
in little more than a whisper. From her glistening, dangling fingers, she let the chunk of bread drop to the
tray.
She watched his eyes as she dragged her teeth across the bone, gnawing along its ridge. With sucking
nibbles, she scoured the length clean. The piece of bread waited before Richard's mouth.
Her tongue stroked across her lips. "Best I've ever had."
Richard realized that his fingers were empty. He thought that he must have eaten the scoop of rice until he
saw the white splat on the tray under him.
She plucked an egg from the bowl, pressed her red lips around it, and bit it in
half. "Umm. Luscious." She placed the round end of the other half to his lips. "Here, try it."
Its silken surface had a mildly spicy tang against his tongue and a flexible, resilient feel. She pushed it all the
way in with one finger. It was chew or choke, He chewed.
Her gaze left his to roam the tray. "What have we here? Oh, Richard, don't tell me it's ..." She swirled her
first and second fingers around the bowl with the pears. She sucked the thick white sauce off her first finger.
Some of the coating on the other dribbled down her hand to her wrist. "Oh, yes. Oh, Richard, this is
fabulous. Here."
She put her second finger up to his lips. Before he realized it, she had the whole length in his mouth. "Suck it
clean," she insisted. "Isn't that the best you've ever had?" Richard nodded, trying to catch his breath after
she drew her finger out. She tilted her wrist. "Oh, please, lick it off before it gets on my dress." He took her
hand up in his and put it to his mouth. The taste of her galvanized him. His lips on her flesh made his heart
pound painfully.
She let out a throaty laugh. "That tickles. Your tongue is rough."
He let her hand go, rousing from the intimate connection. "Sorry," he whispered.
"Don't be silly. I didn't say I didn't like it." Her eyes found his. Lamplight glowed softly on one side of her face,
firelight on the other. He envisioned raking his fingers through her hair. Her breaths were the mate of his. "I
did like it, Richard."

Plenty of good tips there for the girls.

Later on in bed Richard manages to break the enchantment (because of his perfect love to his girlfriend) just in time before she kills him. Instead with a little help from his friends he manages to kill this woman. He then gets the chance to fondle the corpse a bit for clues.

The top half of her slashed nightdress was thrown up around her neck. A cold feeling that gave him goose
bumps turned his attention to her breasts. Richard's eyes narrowed, and he leaned closer, staring. He
reached out and touched her right nipple. He touched the left. It wasn't the same.
He carried a lamp to the fire and lit it with a long splinter of kindling. He returned to the body and held the
lamp near her left breast. Richard wet his thumb on his tongue and rubbed the smooth nipple. It came off.
With her nightdress, he cleaned the paint from her breast, to leave a smooth, unbroken mound of skin.
Cathryn had no left nipple.

This provides an excellent excuse for what he wanted to do all along, so he summons his army of dominatrixes to check them out. In the world of Goodkind, these dangerous nipple-magics only work on women so Richard gets to fondle all the girls but dont have to watch his male guards strip.

Richard folded his arms. "Show me your breasts. All three of you."
Cara's mouth opened to say something, but she closed it and, setting her jaw, started undoing the buttons
running up the side of her ribs. Raina glanced to Cara and saw that she was doing as ordered. Reluctantly
at first, she started undoing the buttons, too. Berdine watched the other two. Slowly, she started slipping the
buttons at the side of her red leather outfit.
When finished, Cara gripped the top of the leather at the side, but didn't open it. Smoldering resentment
settled in her expression. Richard rearranged the unsheathed sword in his lap and crossed his legs.
"I'm waiting," he said.
Cara took a final breath of resignation and pulled the front of her outfit opened. In the flickering light coming
from the recently stoked fire in ihe hearth, Richard studied each nipple and the wavering shadow cast by
each raised knob in the center. Both had the proper contour of flesh, and not the fiat profile of paint put there
to mimic.
He shifted his gaze to Raina in silent command. He said nothing as he waited. He could see her fighting to
keep silent, and at the same time fighting to decide what to do. She pressed her lips tight in indignation, but
finally reached up and yanked the leather aside. Richard gave her breasts the same careful appraisal. Her
nipples, too, were both real.
His gaze slid to Berdine. She was the one who had threatened him. She was the one who had lifted her
Agiel to him.
It wasn't humiliation, but rage that had her face as red a her outfit "You said we didn't have to do this! You
promised us! You said you would not—"
"Show me."
Cara and Raina shifted their weight uncomfortably, not liking this one bit, as if they expected he was
choosing one of them for the night, but at the same time neither was willing to do anything to go against the
wishes of the Lord Rahl. Still, Berdine didn't move.
He hardened his glare. "That's an order. You are sworn to obey me. Do as I say."
Tears of anger leaked from her eyes. She reached up and tore the leather aside.
She had only one nipple. Her left breast was smooth and unbroken. Her chest heaved with ire.
The other two stared at her smooth left breast in open astonishment. By the looks on their faces, Richard
knew they had seen her breasts before. When their Agiel suddenly spun into their fists, he knew that this
wasn't what they had expected to see this time.

Richard, beeing the perfect hero, manages to break the nipple spell by hugging the poor girl and saves the day yet again.

 

[Stewart]

Well, we'll see if anyone can recommend a bad one.

http://www.prophets-inc.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3308

 

[Gem]

ValkyrieRaven88:

But my understanding is that they don't allow you to even compare Goodkind to other authors. Like, "If you like Goodkind, you may like so-and-so." I think that's silly.

I agree it is silly, they are a bit cult like.
Brys:

Surely an author wants to see what their fans really think and see how they could improve their writing - but in the case of Goodkind, he probably thinks his writing is so good that it couldn't be improved.

Well if the fellow doesn't listen to his editor he's hardly going to listen to fans when it comes to the quality of his writing.
Zoli:

Plenty of good tips there for the girls.

Yes, and they are duly noted.
Stewart:

Well, we'll see if anyone can recommend a bad one.

Time to sit back and watch the fireworks. Wondering whether i'm going to need protective headgear. There really is not a 'bad' Goodkind book, from what I hear each one is consistently hilarious.

 

[Stewart]

It's fun though. I just posted again.

 

[Gem]

It's like watching a cat toying with mice.

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

NO! Stewart has gone to the dark side!!!!!

 

[Stewart]

NO! Stewart has gone to the dark side!!!!!

Actually, it's quite light and airy over there. Must be their heads.