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What did Thumper's Daddy say?
- Thread starter Kookamoor
- Start date
Motokid
New Member
"Aren't you glad you asked Motokid?"
Slacker, that was by far something I'm very glad I asked for. You really hit on some great points, and confirmed a lot of what I've tried to say in numerous places in this forum.
Each individual is in complete control of how they decide to interpret everything they read. Take it or leave it, cry about it, laugh about it, or just simply ignore it. It's all up to the reader to decide.
Welcome to the forum Slacker. Great post.
edit to add: Slacker, you may be interested in reading this thread too...http://forums.thebookforum.com/showthread.php?t=5705
I must warn you...it's kinda long, and gets off topic at the end....but there's some really good stuff in it that you've touched on in this thread...enjoy
Slacker, that was by far something I'm very glad I asked for. You really hit on some great points, and confirmed a lot of what I've tried to say in numerous places in this forum.
Each individual is in complete control of how they decide to interpret everything they read. Take it or leave it, cry about it, laugh about it, or just simply ignore it. It's all up to the reader to decide.
Welcome to the forum Slacker. Great post.
edit to add: Slacker, you may be interested in reading this thread too...http://forums.thebookforum.com/showthread.php?t=5705
I must warn you...it's kinda long, and gets off topic at the end....but there's some really good stuff in it that you've touched on in this thread...enjoy
Thank you Jenn and Motokid.
On the writer's forum, now that I thought about it some: Is my understanding correct in that some first time posters actually START posting there with thier work?
That goes back to getting to know people here first, though I don't read that board yet, and an unfamiliar with the tone.
None of this is to say that longer term posters can't be overly hurtful, but still, there's responsibility on the newbie too to use some discretion in a new place.
I do wince a little at having made the crybaby remark, but then again, it was honest.
Something of my curiousity about psychology is aroused by questions like these. AFAIK, there hasn't been any studies done about the effects of relying on the net for companionship, whether it be a mere hobby, or more for people who are perhaps infirm or otherwise unable to get out into "the real world".
But anyone whose talked on the WWW for long knows that it is a magnet for dysfunction. So, I feel sort of bad about the idea that that comment might have included people who are emotionally or mentally troubled, though I do think that people can do things that aggravate such problems.
I sometimes think that the solitary nature of online chat might contribute to a sort of hypersensitive self centeredness for example, and IMO, that always makes any other pre existing problem worse because it leads to focusing on angst and anxiety rather than helpful things.
Ah well. If I knew who to tell, I'd try to put a bug in someone's ear at the APA that we are darned interesting out here, and they need to study us! Lol
ETA: will read that thread Moto. Oh no, wait, you said it gets off topic at the end? I'm horrified, shocked and offended.
On the writer's forum, now that I thought about it some: Is my understanding correct in that some first time posters actually START posting there with thier work?
That goes back to getting to know people here first, though I don't read that board yet, and an unfamiliar with the tone.
None of this is to say that longer term posters can't be overly hurtful, but still, there's responsibility on the newbie too to use some discretion in a new place.
I do wince a little at having made the crybaby remark, but then again, it was honest.
Something of my curiousity about psychology is aroused by questions like these. AFAIK, there hasn't been any studies done about the effects of relying on the net for companionship, whether it be a mere hobby, or more for people who are perhaps infirm or otherwise unable to get out into "the real world".
But anyone whose talked on the WWW for long knows that it is a magnet for dysfunction. So, I feel sort of bad about the idea that that comment might have included people who are emotionally or mentally troubled, though I do think that people can do things that aggravate such problems.
I sometimes think that the solitary nature of online chat might contribute to a sort of hypersensitive self centeredness for example, and IMO, that always makes any other pre existing problem worse because it leads to focusing on angst and anxiety rather than helpful things.
Ah well. If I knew who to tell, I'd try to put a bug in someone's ear at the APA that we are darned interesting out here, and they need to study us! Lol
ETA: will read that thread Moto. Oh no, wait, you said it gets off topic at the end? I'm horrified, shocked and offended.
Acolyte
New Member
The problem with that attitude, Slacker, is that you've taken everyone without your level of emotional maturity and tossed them out the window. Now, they might be irritating, or whiny, or childish, or all 3, but they are still people and they might have something valuable to add, and if the difference between potentially reaping that benefit and telling someone to *cough* off is taking 30 seconds to rephrase something more gently, I'd say it's worth the extra time.
Yeah, some people will stay, and some people will go. But the cases that are relevant to this thread are the ones that would've stayed who ended up going. It's like triage, except with words instead of gauze.
Then again, I'm one of those social amoebas who can get along well with pretty much everyone because I'm willing to reshape my style and attitude, albeit briefly, to get people to like me *grin*. People are the most valuable resources any of us have, and burning bridges never does any good (unless you're being chased by rampaging Huns, but it's been awhile since that happened to me).
On an unrelated note, I have 5 siblings and know EXACTLY what you mean, there. Probably why I crave acceptance from strangers--I know I'm getting nothing but criticism when we're back at home for Christmas *smile*.
Yeah, some people will stay, and some people will go. But the cases that are relevant to this thread are the ones that would've stayed who ended up going. It's like triage, except with words instead of gauze.
Then again, I'm one of those social amoebas who can get along well with pretty much everyone because I'm willing to reshape my style and attitude, albeit briefly, to get people to like me *grin*. People are the most valuable resources any of us have, and burning bridges never does any good (unless you're being chased by rampaging Huns, but it's been awhile since that happened to me).
On an unrelated note, I have 5 siblings and know EXACTLY what you mean, there. Probably why I crave acceptance from strangers--I know I'm getting nothing but criticism when we're back at home for Christmas *smile*.
Motokid
New Member
slacker, from post #4 of this thread, from me:
"there's also the flip side.
There are over 3500 members here. You jump into a brand new, rather large fishbowl and start asking for comments you're going to get them. The person posting also has an obligation to understand that they may hear things that might not be all that sweet and nice. It's "real world" here. That's kinda refreshing.
The newbie has the right to hold back and watch, or not. The newbie has the ability to fly under the radar and learn about the members before jumping into the fray. There's plenty of posts and threads for anybody to get to know anybody else. That's the beauty of the General Chat area.
Doesn't the new member owe the rest of us the curtesy of allowing us to be ourselves? If they want nice-nice they get that in the members introduction area (something I've yet to do). If they jump right in and ask for critque and comments why should motokid have to tempor his real thoughts and feelings by looking at that persons post count to see if they are "ready" for what they ask for?"
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we both see eye-to-eye I think....the rest of y'all better take a deep breath if this comraderie grows....
"there's also the flip side.
There are over 3500 members here. You jump into a brand new, rather large fishbowl and start asking for comments you're going to get them. The person posting also has an obligation to understand that they may hear things that might not be all that sweet and nice. It's "real world" here. That's kinda refreshing.
The newbie has the right to hold back and watch, or not. The newbie has the ability to fly under the radar and learn about the members before jumping into the fray. There's plenty of posts and threads for anybody to get to know anybody else. That's the beauty of the General Chat area.
Doesn't the new member owe the rest of us the curtesy of allowing us to be ourselves? If they want nice-nice they get that in the members introduction area (something I've yet to do). If they jump right in and ask for critque and comments why should motokid have to tempor his real thoughts and feelings by looking at that persons post count to see if they are "ready" for what they ask for?"
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we both see eye-to-eye I think....the rest of y'all better take a deep breath if this comraderie grows....
Acolyte, we cross posted, but I hope that third post of mine to this thread answers some of what you said.
I don't mean to sound quite as callous as I guess I do. Something that occurs to me too is that as a newbie, with about 70 posts to my name, no one here has ever said anything even remotely close to rude to me. So in that case, I'm talking from limited experience. I think the fart thread I participated in torqued someone off, and at the time, I wondered if I had screwed up by posting in it for like half a second, but that's all.
Maybe that means I'm INSIGNIFICANT!!! Omigosh, why haven't y'all been meaner to me? Does that mean you don't like me? No one has ever told me I'm boring or stupid or yawned at what I say yet!
I feel so all alone. Maybe I'll have to leave because of it. Complete with a whole thread about how y'all are losing me natch.
I don't mean to sound quite as callous as I guess I do. Something that occurs to me too is that as a newbie, with about 70 posts to my name, no one here has ever said anything even remotely close to rude to me. So in that case, I'm talking from limited experience. I think the fart thread I participated in torqued someone off, and at the time, I wondered if I had screwed up by posting in it for like half a second, but that's all.
Maybe that means I'm INSIGNIFICANT!!! Omigosh, why haven't y'all been meaner to me? Does that mean you don't like me? No one has ever told me I'm boring or stupid or yawned at what I say yet!
I feel so all alone. Maybe I'll have to leave because of it. Complete with a whole thread about how y'all are losing me natch.
Acolyte
New Member
That's another thing I forgot to talk about that rubbed me as being wrong (not rubbed me wrong, as I'm pretty tough-skinned, and not just rubbed, as that's being discussed in a DIFFERENT thread right now *wink*).
While I see your point about newbies having the ability to observe, I think it quite arrogant to assume that they should spend literally hours of time catching up with the way of things so that they can know each of the heavy posters well enough as the rest of the heavy posters do. That sentence was horribly written, but hopefully it makes sense.
Now I'm not suggesting that anyone should modify their posts based on a reciever's post count, but the fact remains, you aren't only talking among friends. While I may walk up to a friend of mine and say, "Hello, fool," I probably wouldn't do it if there were people with him I didn't know, and I certainly wouldn't say that to a stranger. That's for a real-life conversation. Online, even though people could read all your posts to figure out about you and then respond as a friend would to an otherwise flippant comment, that's an unreasonable expectation, especially on a forum as old and large as this one. In the "real world" (which is a term too frequently used by those in authority as an excuse for not dealing with the hardships of the young/new, though that's a different discussion), you wouldn't tell a complete stranger to bug off, if he or she was a member of a community you cared about, and a potential long-term acquaintance. Just because we don't see each other's faces here doesn't mean we can abandon the typical, everyday kindness that we show to perfect strangers by treating them as such, even if they are slathering idiots.
Unless, of course, you do. In which case that's a whole seperate deal entirely.
While I see your point about newbies having the ability to observe, I think it quite arrogant to assume that they should spend literally hours of time catching up with the way of things so that they can know each of the heavy posters well enough as the rest of the heavy posters do. That sentence was horribly written, but hopefully it makes sense.
Now I'm not suggesting that anyone should modify their posts based on a reciever's post count, but the fact remains, you aren't only talking among friends. While I may walk up to a friend of mine and say, "Hello, fool," I probably wouldn't do it if there were people with him I didn't know, and I certainly wouldn't say that to a stranger. That's for a real-life conversation. Online, even though people could read all your posts to figure out about you and then respond as a friend would to an otherwise flippant comment, that's an unreasonable expectation, especially on a forum as old and large as this one. In the "real world" (which is a term too frequently used by those in authority as an excuse for not dealing with the hardships of the young/new, though that's a different discussion), you wouldn't tell a complete stranger to bug off, if he or she was a member of a community you cared about, and a potential long-term acquaintance. Just because we don't see each other's faces here doesn't mean we can abandon the typical, everyday kindness that we show to perfect strangers by treating them as such, even if they are slathering idiots.
Unless, of course, you do. In which case that's a whole seperate deal entirely.
Kookamoor
New Member
Bambi's friend, the rabbit. Your parents didn't say "if you can't say nuffink nice, don't say nuffink at all" to you infinadem like mine did?Martin said:
--
Some great thoughts going around. My original intent with this thread was not just about critisism in the writers area, but everywhere. I just think it is something to be aware of.
Some great dialogue going on here, and the thoughts of Acolyte are really great:
Acolyte said:
Acolyte said:
Acolyte said:
Acolyte
New Member
I'm just that guy, you know? *grin*
I've been re-reading my posts, and I sound like a terribly moralistic arse, in a few bits. I'm not trying to pass judgment, only offer up my thoughts on the percieved problem that was the reason for generating this thread.
That said, yes, I posted in the writer's forum before reading anything that wasn't in the writer's forum--it's why I came here.
I've been re-reading my posts, and I sound like a terribly moralistic arse, in a few bits. I'm not trying to pass judgment, only offer up my thoughts on the percieved problem that was the reason for generating this thread.
That said, yes, I posted in the writer's forum before reading anything that wasn't in the writer's forum--it's why I came here.
slacker somebody will be mean to you eventually i promise.
and i think the idea of reading back posts or observing for a bit is meant just to get the flavour for people. if you have read anything i've said you'll likely see that i am all for the funny and only rarely get into too heated a conversation. i like reading the debates but overall i only post my serious opinions when i have them. man have i ever left myself wide open here, but i will leave it as is.
i wanted to add that i also think when people recommend newbies sort of check out the current members it's because sometimes new people come out with guns blazing and haven't taken the time to check to see if the poster is kidding or if they tend to be sarcastic. as had been mentioned before, some communication is lost in translation. no body language.
am i no longer a newbie?
and i think the idea of reading back posts or observing for a bit is meant just to get the flavour for people. if you have read anything i've said you'll likely see that i am all for the funny and only rarely get into too heated a conversation. i like reading the debates but overall i only post my serious opinions when i have them. man have i ever left myself wide open here, but i will leave it as is.
i wanted to add that i also think when people recommend newbies sort of check out the current members it's because sometimes new people come out with guns blazing and haven't taken the time to check to see if the poster is kidding or if they tend to be sarcastic. as had been mentioned before, some communication is lost in translation. no body language.
am i no longer a newbie?
abecedarian
Well-Known Member
So, when DOES the new start wearing off? I tend to watch a few threads and only post here and there before jump into anything too complicated..but I do wonder when a newbie's status ends, and an oldtimer's starts..
