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Reply As another who has self-published on his way to gaining official acceptance, let me wish you luck. Promoting is tough, but I enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with your style, and there are those that enjoy it. I prefer more consistency and plot in my stories -- such as a reason for...

Reply Whoa, quick jump. It just didn't make sense. 1) The well is claimed to be the 'family well.' The family then is described as very poor. The well is then down the hill and across the meadow. How much land do these poor people own, or why don't they live near their well, or why...

Reply This must be the day for odd posts. Ah, yes, I did read it through. Not really certain what you were going for, but you did it rather well. The final line did not connect, but I will allow that my mind was not where yours was when you wrote it. Thanks for the read.

Reply Okay, I will grant that you accomplished what you were going for. There is not much of a story, but what is presented is done well.

Reply It is an interesting scene, although begs a certain question to be asked, "How do other vampires rise?" I mean, there is nothing new about burying people in coffins six feet underground, or vampires rising from such a situation. By the way, do the research. Come on, afraid to ask...

Reply You are not supposed to stop at moment of inspiration. It should be a springboard for launching yourself on a journey. If you are stopping now, you are being rude to the muse that visited. Take what idea you were given, work with it, develop it, and only show it off after it has grown...

Reply I agree with the others that simply saying roleplay does not clarify the topic. 1) Tabletop RPG: D&D is the most known example. Yes. 2) Strategic RPG: Used to be called wargaming. Truthfully, not roleplay since so true identity is assumed, but D&D and other roleplaying games...

Reply 1) Looking for endorsement money, are we? Just remember, all those product names date your story. They also tend to show the writer as lazy. Instead of relying on their own talents to describe a scene, they force the reader to supply their own visuals. 2) 'Jerry hurrieid to the...

Reply I remember staying up late on Friday night to watch a show where they dubbed old movies and such. One regular feature for a while was a Japanese show which was really funny. I was disappointed when they stopped showing them, but I heard that they were being reworked for children. I...

Reply It was a lot tamer than I expected from the icon. The problem that I had was connecting to the main characters. You do break down and describe a (one) setting (then they move on), but really do not describe your two people. With the changing of realities, you needed to secure the...

Reply Well, since you say that you have written a few chapters, I assume that this does set the tone of the rest of the manuscript. Does it draw you? No, but I did read it all. Not my preference of style or material, but there was nothing to turn me off. Would you read more? No...

Reply Just letting you know that I read it. You lost me with the car as a murder weapon ploy. That is just so implausible. I am not saying that people do not get hit by vehicles, but you cannot aim and fire with a car like you can with other weapons. So many factors need to be perfect...

Reply I noticed this before, but did not mention because of a lot of reasons. Still, just to say that you were warned: thoughts are identified by italics. Some put them in double quotes, as if spoken. Some use single quotes. The point is however that you should do SOMETHING to indicate...

Reply Good, past tense (see Prologue to understand this comment). I consider this chapter the fault of the 10,000 character limit. It really is not developed. The basics are present, but there is a lot of emotion left out. The death makes no sense. Why didn't he see the car coming...

Reply PAST TENSE! Really, don't use present. It doesn't work for a number of reasons. 'Bernadette reaches behind herself and pulls the edges of her white bikini bottom into the centre, it now looks like she is wearing a thong.' Both phrases are complete sentences, so should be separated...

Reply I agree that the fifth book was the best. I was very impressed at how she handled Harry and the other kids. It was the first true presentation of civil disobedience I had ever read outside of TRUE historical novels. Most want the protagonist to rant and do all sorts of rebellion, but...

Reply If you plan on getting this thing published, you need to work on your writing skills. There is a difference in being a good story teller and a good writer. The story, yes, does seem to be something that I would enjoy reading. The way the story is written, is however something that I...

Reply I know people where this would be a true conversation. That is not funny, just sad (what is even sadder, is that he went out and spent good money for that shirt thinking that it would make her happy).

Reply I prefer third person to first. Modern publishing wants first person, but I find it too confining and too many books use the limited view/knowledge of first person to enable them to throw in very poor plot twists (some work, but most don't and I have read enough that now even the those...

Reply Overall, very good. Enjoyed how you incorporated the fact about jerk into the almost childish narration. I did not bang the link to find out what you planned to do with this piece, but I suspect that it is not horror. Anyway, it was a fun read. Some notes: 1) 'The sound pricked...